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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my DC shouldn't have to eat school lunch in silence

60 replies

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 20:40

My child has just told me that at school they have to eat lunch in silence. There's no dining room so they eat in the classroom.

I am stunned. I thought he must be wrong, that they must mean eat quietly without shouting but he insists they are not allowed to speak.

AIBU to find this really upsetting? I hate to think if my child (age 4) sitting in glum silence eating his sandwich frightened to look across at his friend in case it loses him his playtime.

Is this normal? I feel so

OP posts:

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 04/03/2015 20:44

Not in the school I work in. How very odd.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/03/2015 20:48

Outrageous. A number of schools seem to be expecting children to take monastic vows of some sort. I heartily disapprove of it.

Quitelikely · 04/03/2015 20:48

I think there must be a very good reason for this.

I'm absolutely sure your son is allowed to look at others whilst eating. Did you make that up?

(Genuine question)

EveBoswell · 04/03/2015 20:48

Back in the day when I was younger, we were supposed to get on with our lunches without speaking - except for Grace or when we asked for something to be passed eg salt and pepper or the water jug. Of course, there were whispers and chuckles but it did mean that we got in, ate, got out and went to the fields for a cricket practice or tennis match.

It meant that we mostly all ate with our mouths closed.

redskybynight · 04/03/2015 20:49

Lol, I thought your child must be in my DS's class until you said he was 4 ...

In my DS' case the class have been temporarily told to eat in silence because there was too much messing about and shouting. Apparently if they can prove they can be trusted they will be allowed to talk again!! Could something similar have happened where you are? or do they only have about 10 minutes to eat lunch so children are encouaraged not to talk or they will never finish?

Sirzy · 04/03/2015 20:50

I would start by talking to the teacher before believing it too much. It could quite easily be a case of one very noisy dinner time they were told "if you aren't quieter then you will have to sit in silence"

Original poster

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 20:51

Oh fgs Quitelikely I'm saying he's afraid that engaging in any way will get him in trouble so he just looks down and eats his lunch.

I think you could have inferred that from what I said.

OP posts:

MrsJimmyFallon · 04/03/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flora717 · 04/03/2015 21:02

I'd ask for clarification from the teacher. That sounds very odd. I quite like covering the packed lunches in the classroom and listening to their chat and generally interacting with them informally (i volunteer atm).

Hulababy · 04/03/2015 21:06

Not normal in our school.
The children are reminded to be sensible and eat their lunch, but they can chat. They can't shout out or get up and down, or be overly silly. And they are reminded that they only have 30 minutes to eat.

I assume there must be a crack down temporarily maybe after some mishap or poor behaviour. If not it seems very odd.

nequidnimis · 04/03/2015 21:06

4yo kids often misunderstand, so I'd check with the teacher before you repeat it in rl or complain and look like a fool.

Most likely they were threatened with silence if they didn't settle down, or maybe even told to be silent for a couple of minutes.

I've had parents complain about all sorts - their child wasn't allowed their medicine, their child was shouted at for reading a book, their child was told that nobody would help them with their work. All nonsense.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 04/03/2015 21:06

Yanbu.

But don't expect many to agree with you, it's a widely held belief on mumsnet that schools can do no wrong, and if there's an issue, your child is either a barefaced liar and not to be believed under any circumstances or there's an undeniably good reason for it

EatDessertFirst · 04/03/2015 21:07

This was bought into DDs school when she started Reception this year. The school recieved a number of complaints that a lot of noise (in a huge echoey dinner hall) was distracting a lot of the pupils, including my DD. She didn't eat lunch for a number of days and was distressed after school. I have no problem with the policy if it means children find it easier to eat. Now, a year on, noise is allowed but very restricted.
The school wouldn't have introduced it unless necessary. Definately speak to the treacher. I really can't see them terrifying kids into not even looking up.

EatDessertFirst · 04/03/2015 21:09

Started reception LAST year, even.

Lifesalemon · 04/03/2015 21:10

Lunch is a social time at our school and conversation at a reasonable level is encouraged. Occasionally though we have a student who talks so much he or she forgets to eat too and we have to ask them to stop talking for a while and eat some lunch instead or they will be late for their playtime. Could something like that have been said and misunderstood.

Mitzi50 · 04/03/2015 21:12

I have never heard of this in many years of teaching. I would check that you haven't got the wrong end of the stick, but if you are correct, I would definitely take this up with HT.

Goneintohibernation · 04/03/2015 21:12

They have to be silent for 5 minutes at my DS's school during lunch. I think it is a good idea. If the other children talk as much as mine does, no one would ever get any lunch eaten if they were allowed to talk throughout.

pictish · 04/03/2015 21:13

That sounds grim.

ChipDip · 04/03/2015 21:16

You get this from a 4yo? Go to school and find out what's really happening.

SocksRock · 04/03/2015 21:18

At my DC's school, they have to be silent when the food is being served out, but once everyone is sat down they can talk. This was put in place as the noise level was so high the serving staff were struggling. Once they are allowed to talk, there is a traffic light system up on the wall - if the green is displayed, they can carry on as they are, if the orange one is up then they need to moderate the noise levels and if the red one goes up then they are back to silence until they have calmed down a bit. One of the dinner supervisors changes the display, and by and large it works well (apparently). However, it is a small school and there are only 107 of them in total, all eat together in the main hall whether packed lunch or hot dinner.

YolandiFuckinVisser · 04/03/2015 21:23

Wow! Doesn't sound good does it? At my infant school we had to be silent in the dinner hall and in the toilets. The headmistress told us she had a magic eye in the toilets that told us if we spoke. That was in 1978 though, i did think things had moved on since then!

pictish · 04/03/2015 21:27

It's exactly like that at our school too. Small school, all eat together in main hall, acoustics make noise level deafening. Ours has a clapping system whereby if a member of staff claps out a certain rhythm, they all have to drop everything and clap it back, then await instruction, which is usually to be quiet.

It is VERY loud in there.

2cats2many · 04/03/2015 21:31

I think your child must go to the same school that mine do! I find it really depressing too, however I'm having a run in with the school on another issue at the mo and don't want to bring up another point of contention with them.

However, I have told my children that I do t agree with the school policy, that its unfair and they won't get into any trouble at home if they get told off at school for talking at lunchtime. I'm generally very supportive of the school, but some things are just plain wrong.

Enough27 · 04/03/2015 21:37

To those not believing the OPs child , there are schools like this. My friend crossed one off her list for her DD when looking for schools precisely because of this.

nequidnimis · 04/03/2015 21:38

Contrary to popular opinion, schools don't set out to make children miserable. Policies are implemented for a reason, although that reason may end up lost in translation.

If you teach your child that it's ok to ignore the rules he disagrees with or thinks are wrong, I look forward to seeing your posts in the 'teenager' section in about 10 years, when you find that he's continuing to do just that.

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