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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my DC shouldn't have to eat school lunch in silence

60 replies

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 20:40

My child has just told me that at school they have to eat lunch in silence. There's no dining room so they eat in the classroom.

I am stunned. I thought he must be wrong, that they must mean eat quietly without shouting but he insists they are not allowed to speak.

AIBU to find this really upsetting? I hate to think if my child (age 4) sitting in glum silence eating his sandwich frightened to look across at his friend in case it loses him his playtime.

Is this normal? I feel so

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 04/03/2015 21:40

at eating in monastic silence. While the teacher reads aloud a biography of an obscure saint.

BMO · 04/03/2015 21:41

I don't really see the problem with them just getting on with lunch quietly and then going out to play. It's not like 4 year olds don't have most of the rest of the day to chat.

Original poster

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 21:42

If you teach your child that it's ok to ignore the rules he disagrees with or thinks are wrong, I look forward to seeing your posts in the 'teenager' section in about 10 years, when you find that he's continuing to do just that.

Eh? I haven't told him to ignore the rule and never would. I only heard about it a couple of hours ago and am on here gauging opinion as to whether this is normal because it has surprised me.

Don't be so nasty.

OP posts:

2cats2many · 04/03/2015 21:43

I'm assuming your comment was aimed at me nequidnimus?

I don't teach them to ignore rules, however they are 6 and 7 and I can imagine that they might....just might....forget themselves enough to ask their friend whats in their sandwich one day, or speculate out loud about the lunchtime choices in the queue. In that case, they can feel comfotable if they are pounced on by the dinner ladies that they won't be getting an extra telling off by me when I'm told about it (which I would be).

Clearer now?

nequidnimis · 04/03/2015 21:46

Wasn't to you, and wasn't particularly nasty.

nequidnimis · 04/03/2015 21:47

Yes 2 cats.

The person who chose a different school had more integrity IMO, but raise your kids how you want.

Original poster

CarlaVeloso · 04/03/2015 21:48

Oh...I thought it was directed at me. Makes more sense that it was to you no offence.

I am a huge supporter of schools and teachers and am at the very back of the queue when it comes to complaining about anything. We absolutely follow the rules and respect the teachers' ways of working.

This just seems miserable and nobody has ever mentioned it. I might ask other parents about it.

Ok - thanks all. Reassures me that it does happen elsewhere and I can see the point about chatterboxes not having time to eat otherwise.

OP posts:

2cats2many · 04/03/2015 21:48

Wow! Is that 'not being nasty' too?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/03/2015 21:54

That sounds pretty nasty to me....

QueenBean · 04/03/2015 22:00

Ooh ouch...

OP, please let us know the outcome if you do look in to this further

feelinghothothot · 04/03/2015 22:03

This is the form at my sons school. No talking so they can all concentrate on eating. In principle, I don't mind because they get busy eating and then get busy playing - but they eat family-style with their teacher at the head of the table and have done so since they were 3. Indoctrinated now. The wider thinking, too, is that the better they eat at lunchtime, the better work they are able to do in the afternoon.

base9 · 04/03/2015 22:04

Go ahead and ask the teacher about it. It is a reasonable concern and it is well possible that your ds knows exactly what he is saying.

MidniteScribbler · 04/03/2015 22:11

We have lunches in our classroom for ten minutes before sending out for lunch. Several times per week I will read a chapter or two to the class while they are eating. During that time, I expect them to be quiet and respectful, unless I ask a question (which I do frequently throughout the text), just as I would for anyone who was speaking or presenting. Other times they are allowed to speak, although again, I expect them to be respectful and not yell or move around, although a chat with their neighbours is fine. I want them to eat quickly and head outside to play, not hang around in the classroom lingering over their food.

bette06 · 05/03/2015 00:44

Could 'don't talk while you're eating' mean 'don't talk with your mouth full' ie trying to introduce some table manners? I'd ask the teacher in a non-confrontational way to try to ascertain what they have been told and why.

Stinkersmum · 05/03/2015 06:18

I don't see a issue with it tbh. 4 year olds need their lunch and have no concept of time or time management usually. Don't talk, eat your lunch, then play. What's the problem with that?

Dancingqueen17 · 05/03/2015 06:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 05/03/2015 06:52

I wonder if our kids go to the same school! They had to eat in silence when at the "lower school" - reception through year 2. I found it extremely disturbing.

nooka · 05/03/2015 07:12

I'm not sure that getting children to eat their food so fast is a very good idea, as it's not a healthy approach. It's certainly very different to how I aim to have family meals, which to me are as much a time to talk as to eat. School timetables seem to be under a lot of pressure now, and it's a pity that that means speed is seen as so important.

I do have teens though, and they are not subject to any eating rules thankfully.

IreneA78 · 05/03/2015 08:54

I think you have to experience how loud it is to have many many children chattering in a hall with poor acoustics.I don't think eating in a din is conducive to eating or good digestion for anyone , let alone those who are hypersensitive to noise.

Stinkersmum · 05/03/2015 09:03

nooka, school lunches AFAIC aren't meant to replicate family meals. It's about getting vital energy into the children so they have enough fuel to continue a productive school day.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/03/2015 09:07

When I was a Midday I regularly asked for silence as the school hall was small and echoey and the cook couldn't hear what the children wanted. It was an absolute cacophony of noise in there otherwise and made it very difficult for me to hear individual children.

lavendersun · 05/03/2015 13:54

Havent RTWT but we experienced this in a primary school, DD was in Yr 1. The head and a couple of key people left and the school deteriorated rapidly, I mentioned it to a friend who is a head and she explained that it would be because the school had lost control and lost respect of 70 odd primary school children, laughable if it wasn't so sad!

We left shortly afterwards for many reasons but I think it is absolutely dreadful, little children in class all morning and then made to sit in silence when they eat is shocking. Eating together is a very sociable part of our home life. I wouldn't be happy OP.

Doingakatereddy · 05/03/2015 13:58

What a miserable policy to make children eat in silence.

I can't imagine any adult institution or company been allowed to implement such a practice.

Meals times are not just about feeding so kids can be more produtive they are about socialising, relaxing & enjoyment.

Have we really become that Dickensian that we expect a 4 year old child to eat in silence?

SomewhereIBelong · 05/03/2015 14:52

At our infant/primary school when I was a midday - there were 600 pupils to get through a lunch hall that sat 150 kids - in one hour.... it was a rolling lunch with each class being called in from "playtime" when there were around 30 seats...

if they were talking too much, they weren't eating quickly enough so the last kids wouldn't get long to eat at all... So ours were quiet ish during the eating bit of lunch - through necessity.

Andrewofgg · 05/03/2015 15:04

As the HT at my son's school said to every cadre of new parents:

If you don't believe all they say about us we won't believe all they say about you

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