To feel unable to cope with 'd'p's farts when he's eaten at his mothers?

[trashcanjunkie]

This is a serious problem. Dp goes once a week or every other to his mums for tea. When he comes back he does these colossal farts, that are like a shit in the room. They come very regularly for the rest of the night. I honestly can't fucking cope with them anymore, and am seriously thinking of saying he should stay over on those nights.

Oh I feel for you. My DH does this daily as he's vegan and eats his food too fast. What is DH eating at his Mothers' house? Is he maybe eating too fast there?

lol at blaming your MIL for your DHs farting.

Snort!

What is she feeding him?!

He does eat fast!!

usual it's terrible when he's been to her! She does lovely food, but for example tonight he's had sausages with mashed turnip, sprouts and broccoli a fucking recipe for farty arse

Fight fire with fire. Eat whatever gives you the worst wind and out-fart the bastard.

Or get a gas mask and and air freshner holster and challenge him to a duel?

Can you go round the weeks he doesn't to give him a smell of his own medicine?

Mashed turnips, sprouts and broccoli!?? Oh god.

Tell him to eat slower. That's the main cause of his issue.

Light some candles.

What does he say about it - does he realise how bad they are?

DH has similar issues - fast eater too. I was trying to find the source of a strange odour around our sofa and realised it was the cushion on the side he sits on. Every time he gets up or down from it I get a strong waft...it's going in the washing machine tomorrow.

Is this a ploy on behalf of his mother, to piss you off?

Go with dh and spend the evening staring into his eyes, groping his balls and licking his face. I reckon she'll crack first and it'll be no more sprouts for dh.

Sorry, dp not dh.

If he ever should become a dh, for the love of all that's holy, do NOT allow your MIL to do the wedding catering.

DD bought her dad a fart extinguisher for his birthday cos he's so farty! Luckily he wasn't offended. Mostly he's just noisy, but if he's really stinky I'll spray a bit of air freshener in the lounge and sleep in DDs room (luckily she's got a double bed and doesn't mind me getting in with her)

Not sure about lighting candles, could be one hell of an explosion!

Is he constipated? That always makes my wind particularly awful. Maybe ask him not to eat certain foods If they disagree with him.

Dp has Sunday dinner trumps, they are so bad that some of them make me wretch, and I have a very strong stomach.

Celeri - Oh. My. God. And you gave shared this??

Have

My dh used to do cat poo trumps after eating red meat. We don't have it anymore

He sways between smirking, and thinking it's funny, to looking quite stressed and anxious, which obviously won't help!

I'm currently sitting with a candle going, and a box of matches to burn off any excess gas which may appear. He's promised to go to the toilet to fart anymore tonight, and stay there until the gas disperses

As an extra precaution he's on the side if the sofa which used to have a gas fire, but is now just a manky hole going up to the outside world. His arse is pointing up it, 'just in case'

I have threatened to eat tarqa dahl. There was a now famous 'bummaggeddon' from me some years back, which resulted in him threatening to leave me if I ate it again

No olympic he shits a babies arm sized turd (I'm reliably informed) once a day.

celeri there is not enough puke in the world!!! Farty sofa cushion waft

Hahaha! Mil who can control farts! The ultimate super villain

It will probably be the sprouts. They are first rate fart making grub. I quite like them occasionally, but they do have that unfortunate side effect.

Tell his mum that she can keep him for the night if she cooks them for him again. Either that or she supplies you with a gas mask.

I do enjoy reading a good fart thread. All the fun and the laughs with none of the stink.

Google 'myshreddies'! It's flatulence neutralising underwater. Got my stepdad a pair for Christmas. DM was extremely grateful .