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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DSS shouldn't have his own room *in these circs*

48 replies

Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:25

DP and I are flat broke, living in a one bed property with no chance to move. After paying rent, bills, child maintenance and providing food clothes etc for us and for DSS (who's 5), we've nothing left. Current set up is us sleeping in living room with DSS having bedroom. I'm extremely introverted and need my space so it's really getting me down not having our own bedroom. DSS is only here every other weekend so it seems like such a waste of space him using the bedroom. He's a single cabin bed and we've got our double bed in the living room so it's not like we could even just use the bedroom and then him sleep there and we have living room when he's here. Am I being completely unreasonable to want us to have the bedroom? I don't know where DSS fits in with all this though. The room is big enough for our double bed and his single bed in the bedroom but then he won't have his own space. This is really getting me down as I have depression and my mental health sucks at the moment and I just feel like we've got no space as when me and DP are both home we literally have the living room and that's it.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 02/03/2015 16:28

Can't you set up his room so that its a dual
space with a chair, desk, tv so
you can use it when he's not there?

The biggest problem I see with him sleeping in the living room is him turning the tv on or going in the kitchen without you noticing

FayKorgasm · 02/03/2015 16:28

Could you use the bedroom and get a double sofa bed to sleep on when DSS comes to stay.

SaucyJack · 02/03/2015 16:28

Put a sofa bed in the lounge and only sleep in there when DSS is with you.

Nabootique · 02/03/2015 16:30

We had a similar situation once and I had a sofa bed in the living room and bed in the bedroom. When DCs were with me they had the bed in bedroom and we slept on sofa bed for those two nights at the weekend.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 02/03/2015 16:30

Yep I agree with Fay

Nabootique · 02/03/2015 16:30

X-post with Saucyjack

Nabootique · 02/03/2015 16:30

Oh, and Fay Blush

Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:31

We live in part-furnished accomodation so I think we'd have a problem with switching the sofa to a sofa bed - otherwise that'd be a perfect solution.

OP posts:
FayKorgasm · 02/03/2015 16:32

If you have a bed in the living room you should have enough space for another sofa no?

SaucyJack · 02/03/2015 16:33

Blow up bed? Or even just shift the mattress from one room to the other.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/03/2015 16:33

I absolutely think you should move into your own bedroom. You're being as sensitive as possible with DSS's feelings but your circumstances don't give you much wriggle room.

Could you kit out a corner of the main living area for him? Square it off with a bookcase and have cushions etc in there and suitable wall pictures at his height?

Can't he sleep in your bed when he's there and you get a blow up mattress for a couple of nights? Just swap the bedding so the bed is 'his' when he's there? It's not like he's there when you're sleeping in the room, so it won't feel to him like he's in 'your' space.

FayKorgasm · 02/03/2015 16:34

Or a blow up bed.

FayKorgasm · 02/03/2015 16:34

X post with SaucyJack

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 02/03/2015 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveBoswell · 02/03/2015 16:39

Is your bedroom big enough to give him his own 'compartment'? Have your bed one side of a curtain across the room and his bed the other? It's not what you'd call private but he could go to bed at what? 7.00pm with his bed furthest from the door and you go to bed later to your bed nearest the door.

I only thought of this because my aunt and uncle, who lived in a two bedroomed house, divided their second bedroom like this for my two cousins - boy and girl - when the older (the girl) reached about 10 or 11

Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:42

Blow up / folding bed could work.

Since we've already got DSS a mid sleeper which he loves, do you think it'd be okay to just have our double bed and his mid-sleeper in the room and just not sleep in there when he's there? I know when we move next it'll most likely to be a non-furnished place so it doesn't make sense to get rid of his mid-sleeper bed

OP posts:
countessmarkyabitch · 02/03/2015 16:42

You keep the only bedroom empty for 12 nights out of every 14, and sleep in the living room? For a 5 year old?

That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard on here. Is it so your DP can pretend he's a full time father, or does he just care about your comfort at all?

countessmarkyabitch · 02/03/2015 16:42

not care

Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:43

x-post with Eve Possibly. I'm really not good with DIY, how would we do a curtain across the room? Sorry if that's a stupid question!

OP posts:
RandomFriend · 02/03/2015 16:46

do you think it'd be okay to just have our double bed and his mid-sleeper in the room and just not sleep in there when he's there?

Sounds sensible to me, but where will you and DP sleep on the two nights out of 14 that DSS is there?

Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:49

countess sorry, I didn't see your post. It's because DSS's mum was constantly b*tching about DSS not having his own room. It was actually me who suggested we give him the room as she made me feel really guilty. DP was quite happy to tell her to sod off.

Random don't know - blow up bed maybe? Tbh I think I'd rather blow up bed 4 nights a month than living room permanently simply so DSS can have his own room

OP posts:
Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:49

countess sorry, I didn't see your post. It's because DSS's mum was constantly b*tching about DSS not having his own room. It was actually me who suggested we give him the room as she made me feel really guilty. DP was quite happy to tell her to sod off.

Random don't know - blow up bed maybe? Tbh I think I'd rather blow up bed 4 nights a month than living room permanently simply so DSS can have his own room

OP posts:
kwerty · 02/03/2015 16:50

I couldn't live like that; does DH insist? Double bed in bedroom, then either you sleep on floor on mattress in living room when he is there, or he does.

Original poster
Gwenyth · 02/03/2015 16:50

oops sorry, didn't mean to post same thing twice.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 02/03/2015 16:51

In these circumstances I think you are mad to give your dss the bedroom! Of course you should have the bedroom and he should sleep on a sofa bed in the living room when he comes to stay.... its not like you have a spare bedroom to give him!

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