to think DSS shouldn't have his own room *in these circs*

[Gwenyth]

DP and I are flat broke, living in a one bed property with no chance to move. After paying rent, bills, child maintenance and providing food clothes etc for us and for DSS (who's 5), we've nothing left. Current set up is us sleeping in living room with DSS having bedroom. I'm extremely introverted and need my space so it's really getting me down not having our own bedroom. DSS is only here every other weekend so it seems like such a waste of space him using the bedroom. He's a single cabin bed and we've got our double bed in the living room so it's not like we could even just use the bedroom and then him sleep there and we have living room when he's here. Am I being completely unreasonable to want us to have the bedroom? I don't know where DSS fits in with all this though. The room is big enough for our double bed and his single bed in the bedroom but then he won't have his own space. This is really getting me down as I have depression and my mental health sucks at the moment and I just feel like we've got no space as when me and DP are both home we literally have the living room and that's it.

He's 5 - I cannot see a problem with you having your bed AND his bed in the bedroom. Might be an issue if he was 15, but not yet. I don't have stepchildren, so I may be talking out of my arse, but as long as you and DP are not jumping each other's bones while DSS is there, couldn't you just use the room together? Even better if you can curtain his bit off.

That's a crazy set up, of course you should have the bedroom the majority of the time, yes he needs a bed but it makes no sense for the bedroom to sit unused the majority of the time while you cramp up the living room with a double bed

Some good suggestions already, if there's space to have your double bed and his bed both in the bedroom then do that and you just sleep in the living room when he's there at weekends

That's insane in a place with, what, 3 rooms bed, lounge, kitchen? To only use one bedroom 2 nights a fortnight.

I don't see a problem with sharing a room with a 5yo if he has his own bed. Put all beds in the bedroom. Reconsider if you haven't moved by about age 9/10?

Oh and ignore his mum she's being a pain!

Thanks all. Defo wouldn't dream of "jumping each other's bones" with DSS in the room, what a horrifying thought!

Let her bitch, who cares what she thinks?

A five-year-old doesn't need his own bedroom when he is there just one night a week.

A blow-up bed is fine for one night a week. You will be much happier when the double bed is out of the living room!

As you get to know DSS better, the suggestion by EveBoswell is sensible and you might not even need the curtain.

I am confused. If you are sleeping in the living room at present what are you sleeping on?

I would replace DSS bed with a double and sleep in it for 12 nights, change the bedding when he is there (eg. Next does kids doubles sets eg. union jack mini to make it child friendly) and then sleep in living room when he is there.

Tell DSS's mum to sod off! It seems like you are great Step Mum - maintenance being paid and taking DSS's feelings into account.

Random we used to all sleep in the same room and it wasn't a major issue until DSS's mum started bitching about it and so we ended up moving it all around.

If he is a sound sleeper, let him go to sleep in the bedroom, then when you go to bed, move him onto a blow mattress in lounge. Then you get the privacy you need. You should definitely be sleeping in the bedroom.

If you feel comfortable sharing the room for sleeping then do it that way.

re curtain divider. There is a wire curtain 'rod' at Ikea that we've used for this purpose.

this thing

xpost. Ignore his mother, it's not her business, as long as he has a bed to sleep in.

It is madness to have the only bedroom empty for 12 nights out of 14 just so that your dss can have his own room.

You could possibly make his own sleeping compartment using a shower rail. You can get ones that fix with pressure so you don't even have to screw them into wall. Then get a nice tab-top curtain to slide across to give your DSS privacy.

HerRoyalNotness thanks, that wire curtain rail is brilliant and exactly what we need :)

Jeez get yourselves into that bedroom immediately. Like tonight! Can't believe you leave a perfectly good bedroom empty 12 nights out of 14. That's just ludicrous.

Utter madness. I think its fine for you to have him in there when he stays. Ignore his mum. Reclaim the bedroom. Is there any chance of more money coming in to get a bigger place.

Wips this contract is up in a few months and DP is looking for another job, one that pays more, so with any luck we'll be able to find a bigger place when this contract is up. No guarantees though

sorry should have explained that better, this contract in terms of rental property I meant

You can use just wire across from wall to wall (as long as you anchor it firmly and pull it tight) for a light curtain. As this is about occaisional use and privacy that would probably be all needed.

Gwenyth if it is DSS's mum's comments that made you give DSS the exclusive use of the bedroom, it really is time to stop.

It is very kind of you to want to be considerate to her sensitivites, but the current arrangements really don't make any sense. Everyone here things they are strange.

If having all of you in the bedroom worked before, then just go back to that and don't worry about what DSS's mum thinks. You cannot allow her to make the rules at your house!

I'd say at 5 it would be fine to all sleep in the same room, but if you don't want to then surely if your living room fits your double bed and your furniture in then it'd fit your furniture and a sofa bed? Plus then you'd have a sofa/sofa bed to take with you when you move.

Double bed in the bedroom with Dss's bed. If you really don't want the grief from his mother then you sleep in there when he's not there, DSS has 'his' room when he stays.

Not using the bedroom the majority of the time is madness.

How about a little pop-up tent? A small boy would absolutely love indoor camping!

Lamilly's idea is brilliant! A little pop up tent which he can have all to himself, probably even put it up himself; what a clever boy!