To ask you about the link between older mums having children who are diagnosed with autism

[mytartanscarf]

This is something I worry about because I will undoubtedly be an 'older mum' if I do go on to have a child.

I have a brother with autism so I am also conscious of genetic factors.

Could anyone talk to me/reassure me? :)

Thinking about the social aspects...

I didn't meet DH until I was nearly 30. Both he and I had had one serious relationship each before being single for a few years.
My LTR was with a man I met at uni who was emotionally abusive towards me. His relationship was with a girl he met at uni and she was, by all accounts, not a good match for him. She is now married to his best friend and I can see why she was not right for DH!
Interestingly one of her DDs has PDA.....

I know I wasn't emotionally on a par with my peers. Also I got DH from a newspaper as I just don't like the traditional 'date meeting' activities!

I've just done the online test and scored 41......

My parents met at college. Their marriage was a disaster! They split up when I was 10 and my dad is now with a woman who totally 'gets' him. I love her dearly as she makes my dad happy. I love my mum too but it is plain she 'doesn't speak aspie' as se finds me, DH and our DCs very difficult to cope with!

I always knew any children I had would be genetically pre disposed to ASDs. Both my kids are bonkers, beautiful and challenging and I wouldn't swap them for the world. I do think it is harder to be a child with HFA in today's society rather than when I was growing up.
School was a much more structured activity when I was a child, we all sat at our own desks and had our own space. There was little emphasis on working in groups and when we did maths we learned the 'rules' without all this multiple strategies mularky! My DS and DD would both love that! IN fact DD has been moved classes to a lady who is very formal with her teaching and she is thriving. Meanwhile all the other parents are muttering about her being too formal!
It was alos OK to be a bit quirky and want to sit under the climbing frame in the playground with a book.
There seemed to be fewer 'rules' about what you could like in terms of books, clothes etc.

And now I shall stop rambling!

Ooh, I get 31 on that test (fence-sitting, me? Never!).

Just as further anecdata, DP and I both work in STEM fields, both were "older" parents (I was 37 and 40, he was 35 and 38), both kids neurotypical. Obviously only a small set of info, but all the people on the spectrum I know were born when their parents were in their 20s.

I did not know there was a link between older parents and autism - we have 5DC and pregnant with DC6. First DC born when I was 34 and DH 43. I am now 47 and DH 56, so we have always been considered older parents. All DCs NT.

From reading more posts it does sound as if there is a genetic link and it must be hard for you having this on your mind OP - it's not an easy decision to make - I guess you just have to gather as much information and support as you can. Wishing you well for the future x

Ok, autism might not be the worst thing. But it's pretty damn difficult, especially when it's your child is affected and nobody else you know and nobody else in your family. It's damn difficult to understand, and poor DS has a complete lack of language, which makes it even more difficult for him. It makes me so sad for him.

I think ASD needs to be normalised, yes there are an unfortunate few who also have learning difficulties, but equally there are also NTs with learning difficulties. My communication is just fine when I am with other AS people, we 'get' each other and communicate in a similar way. Of course there are other issues, but I believe they wouldn't be so huge, if we could have aspie friendly schools and workplaces (a lifetime of discrimination and bullying doesn't do much for your mental health and self esteem)

Interesting new study reported on BBC today says autism is caused by genetic make-up in 74-98% of cases (based on twin studies). That's higher than I would have guessed, given that there have been so many other studies indicating risk due to environmental factors, parental age, all sorts of other things.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-31713147

I think that if you are going to have a child at all, then you just have to be prepared to face the possibility that the child might have difficulties - be it autism, other genetic issues, disabilities caused by non-genetic factors (such as problems at birth), or even an accident or illness after a perfectly healthy birth. The very nature of being a parent means that you have to accept that things will happen outside of your control. You could give birth to an entirely NT child who is involved in an accident and then ends up with brain damage which has autism-like features anyway.

I was 37 when I had dd1 and 39 with DD2 - neither they nor we have any autistic traits (both kids had the MMR vaccine too). DH is same age as me.

My sister has Aspergers - so does her eldest daughter, whom she had age 23, her 4 other children show no traits.

Our dad showed some signs , but was not diagnosed.