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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has the most awful sleep walking episodes...

37 replies

MrsTawdry · 01/03/2015 22:47

That's it in a nutshell. We've been together for 12 years and he has frequent Hypnagogic episodes which frankly terrify me. He's larger than I am and he careers about the house...or creeps about clinging to the walls and following invisible light.....and all in the middle of the night.

Sometimes he has nightmares where he makes this terrifying wailing noise. Just now it happened again and I heard him CHANTING in his sleep. I went in the room and he was standing on the dresser, feeling about on the top of the wardrobe and sort of chanting/ranting about something.

I shouted at him. I know people say not to...but I always do and he wakes up. But he's frightening and once knocked himself clean out in this sort of state.

I have told him to see the doctor...that he needs a sleep clinic...but he doesn't ever go. I actually understand his fears....I think he is scared they will say there's something wrong with his brain... but really...I can't go on like this. I am always scared the DC will hear or see him...so far they haven't but he did once wake one dd up partly when he was wailing...luckily she didn't remember the next day.

I haven't ever been hurt by him but what if? AIBU to think that if he doesn't sort this out with the doctor then he's no respect for me or the family?

OP posts:
murasaki · 01/03/2015 22:54

I don't know that it is fixable. DP sleepwalks too, although having no kids, I tend to find it funny (e.g. the time he left a hotel room, I woke up and realised he wasn't there, opened the door and found him starkers in the corridor, and in the morning we realised he'd filled his boxers with pork scratchings. was pissed off as i'd been planning on eating them. his only excuse was that he was 'probably booby trapping them in case of intruders'. ). I still worry he'll do it at my gaff and I won't be able to let him in as the doorbell doesn't work. so far so lucky.

But yours sounds more scary, he really should see the doctor, I really feel for you, it sounds horrible.

murasaki · 01/03/2015 22:56

He' very biddable when sleepwalking though, a sharp 'get back here now' tends to work. And when he was caught in his parents' front garden apparently 'looking for vipers', the suggestion that they were in his bedroom apprently got him back inside

oldcroneat39 · 01/03/2015 22:56

Actually, it's bollocks about not waking up a sleepwalker. Far better to confuse/ disorient them briefly than let them blunder into harm. (The only risk is if they might lash out, which you can anticipate with a poke with a feather duster from a few steps away in my brief experience).
Offer to support him for a referal to a sleep clinic. Explain to him your fears for his / your safety.
As for 'something wrong with his brain'. Well yes. Some sort of missfire going on during sleep. It isn't concious behaviour. It might be worth checking out?

ConfuddledPickle · 01/03/2015 22:57

Yanbu to feel scared, just remember that he is probably scared too. There could be a whole host of reasons why he doesn't get it seem to.

DH is prone to sleep walking and sleep drinking...he seems to go for milk...I've heared movement in the kitchen more than once, gone down and he's standing in front of the open fridge, glugging from the milk carton, eyes shut and asleep. It's weird. But this is a fairly rare occurrence and he generally just wanders around harmlessly, drinks a shit load of milk (emptied a 6 Pint carton on one occasion Shock ) and finds his way back to bed.

I would say yanbu to put your foot down and calmly insist he must get it seen to, for his own safety and your sanity.

Dognado · 01/03/2015 23:00

This is going to sound crazy and I have zero medical knowledge, but I have heard of people saying gluten intolerance can be a cause.

murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:01

What oldcrone said re the waking up, I shout when needed. But your situation sounds less 'haha do you remember what you did last night' and more 'that's really quite terrifying and someone could get hurt.' So Doctor it is, I think.

go with him if necessary.

I wonder if for it DP in my case is a side effet of the antidepressants, or the leftovers of a mispent youth liking acid too much, but i can only deal with there here and now, and he hasn't done it in at least 9 months (clutches coffee table

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 01/03/2015 23:04

Dog have you really? DH has often wondered if he has a gluten intolerance due to other symptoms!

OP posts:
murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:05

That would be really interesting if someone were to do a scientific study on it.

Dognado · 01/03/2015 23:06

Yes, I read a bit about it as had sleep hallucinations and some people think it might be connected. No actual scientific research though as far as I'm aware but might be worth considering?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 01/03/2015 23:08

I sleepwalk occasionally, since being about 13. It happens very rarely though so haven't sought any intervention. I tend to have awareness during and memory of it afterwards and I find it really upsetting and feel distressed for days afterwards.

I really feel for both you. I hope you can persuade your DH to get help.

murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:10

I used to have sleep paraylsis, in that I'd feel I was awake, and had contacted someone to help me, or got to the phone, and then would check back in and be trapped in bed unable to move.It was terrifying. So I have sympathy with non normal sleepers. Oddly the worst attack was after taking night nurse. I'd rather be an insomniac than go through that again. Sounds a bit like your sleep hallucinations I think. I have never felt so scared as on 'what I thought was waking' and having not actually achieved my support/exit

ambientolf · 01/03/2015 23:12

DH also sleepwalks when he's stressed and it's seriously weird. I once woke up to him just stood staring out the window & generally thought he was possessed but all he seems to do is go to the toilet then sleep in the spare bed. When he goes downstairs I also wake him because I don't want him to hurt himself & im not going to stay up all night babysitting! I understand why you're scared because it's such a strange senario but tbh, I have just accepted that it's just one of them things & I tend to laugh it off. Maybe tell DCs about daddy's condition so, if they do see him, they will understand more? There isn't a lot they can usually do for sleepwalking x

ConfuddledPickle · 01/03/2015 23:17

Murasaki, I have that occasionally and have done for a couple of years...not refularly enough that it's a massive concern, but it's bloody scary.

Mine is that I've just woken up and I'm screaming and screaming, and in my head I'm thjnking 'I'm going to scare dh/the dc with all this noise'. Then I realise I'm actually silent and nothing's coming out, and I can't open my mouth...but the screaming is in my head. I've also woken up (so I thought) and reached my hand out, and touched dh on the shoulder to wake him...then the picture kind of morphs and I realise that my hand isn't reached out at all, and I can't move them.

There's no rhyme or reason to mine that I know of, I'd be interested to know the trigger though.

murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:17

Although bits of it are funny. the pork scratching bit, and when I went to have a shower in his mum's house, it's over the bath, and I was 'ok, her puffy washy thing is in the bath, not a problem, will put it on the side', only to discover 5 empty wrappers of the aldi version of the club biscuit hidden under it. way to hide the evidence of your midnight feast.

I hadn;t noticed him getting out of bed, and he had no memory of his late night choco fest.

murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:20

Confuddled, that's exactly what I mean. If it's any help I haven't had it past 30, so maybe it grows out, but terrifying.

I still don't know the trigger, I haven't chganged that much in my life

Dawndonnaagain · 01/03/2015 23:29

There is an extremely good sleep clinic at Papworth if you're not too far from there. Very helpful and there is a lot they can do.
Dd has narcolepsy, sleep paralysis and night terrors, they've done a great deal for her.

chocciechip · 01/03/2015 23:31

Have you considered recording him and showing him the footage of him wailing etc? It sounds frightening to witness. He might have more understanding of why you're worried about the DCs seeing him like that and be more open to getting help.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 01/03/2015 23:33

Dawn no...wer'e not near there but thanks and glad your DD's been helped.

Choccie to be honest I'm usually so frightened and focused on getting him out of it that recording him is far from my mind. I could try though...he'd be horrified I'm sure.

OP posts:
murasaki · 01/03/2015 23:36

The wailing is definitely worrying and probably means some underlying issue (n.b. am not qualifed professional etc), mine just goes for a wander and does mad things, but is never distressed during it, I am more worried than he is . I do think your man needs to see someone qualified. and if you end up with any tips, please share. Best of luck to you

redastra · 01/03/2015 23:43

MrsTawdry if you are in Scotland, my husband is a sleep neurologist who would see your husband through then NEW!

redastra · 01/03/2015 23:43

NHS even!!

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 01/03/2015 23:43

Murusaki what do you mean? Its him being frightened by what he's seeing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTawdry · 01/03/2015 23:44

Red thank you so much but we're in NW England.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 01/03/2015 23:44

So...has anyone else ever gone for a sleepwalk...on a cross channel ferry? Not my best move ever...

carabos · 02/03/2015 07:00

My father is a sleepwalker and I was too until well into adulthood. It used to drive my mother round the bend watching the pair of us stumbling about half the night. However, it is ok to wake a sleepwalker- just do it as you would wake any other sleeping person- a gentle shake and speaking in a normal tone.

All the usual things apply - cut out caffeine, alcohol other stimulants. No screens for a couple of hours before bed, more exercise. Having said that, it's a very hard problem to solve and you may well need professional help - or learn to live with it.