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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nasty Text

36 replies

BoredAdminGirl · 27/02/2015 15:09

So, long story and no biggy but it did upset me and don't think I should let it go. My DP is due to start her new job Monday and had ordered lots of new clothes about 2 weeks ago. I told her she should try them all on etc and make sure they fit so she doesn’t have to rush around this weekend. Well she didn't, and some of them are too small.

My text back to her was "ffs I told you to try em on"to me this was meant light hearted" She then went mental and told me to "leave her the fuck alone" and to stop having a go at her

I am always nice to her and show her love and affection and this is how she repays me. At the moment I just feel like going to the pub after work and let her stew. She has apologised but I'm not sure I accept it. AIBU?

We're both 30 ish and live together, no children

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 27/02/2015 15:11

To be fair, you swore first.

Bailey101 · 27/02/2015 15:13

I wouldn't have been too impressed with your text either. I think you need to apologise to her.

momb · 27/02/2015 15:13

You swore at her when you were joking in a text (I have to say it doesn't read humourously to me but you two know each other best). She swore back at you.
You should both apologise, buy her a takeaway and don't start a pointless argument two days before she starts the new job.

ApocalypseThen · 27/02/2015 15:13

Yeah, sometimes it's ok to let a full grown adult make their own decisions. Nobody likes being told that you told them so - that's definitely one you do at your own risk.

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2015 15:13

Why not give her a call and speak to her in person. She may not have taken your text as lighthearted as it's hard to gather from a text.

teeththief · 27/02/2015 15:15

to me this was meant light hearted Obviously she didn't read it in a light hearted way. She made a mistake and, I imagine, your text made her feel even worse than she already did (any woman who realises clothes are too small will already be pissed off!)

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 27/02/2015 15:16

Was there a smiley involved in your first text?

And has mumsnet not taught you that if you are being lighthearted you need to actually say so? (lighthearted)

Original poster

BoredAdminGirl · 27/02/2015 15:17

Ok thanks. I will apologise

OP posts:

iklboo · 27/02/2015 15:17

The trouble with texts is you can't tell the tone it's meant to be in. You meant it light heatedly, your OH took it that your were annoyed & having a go at her. To be honest, the 'FFS' would have wound a lot of people up.

DeBeers · 27/02/2015 15:18

This is a wind up post.

pressone · 27/02/2015 15:19

So basically you said "I told you so" in response to a situation where she is nervous at starting a new job, feels silly because she knows she should have tried them on and probably generally fed up as no-one wants to buy clothes they think will fit and then find they are too small.

She will be angry and disappointed, and have to go shopping (which presumably she doesn't like as she ordered the first lot of clothes) and snapped back at your thoughtless text.

She has apologised, so should you, give her a hug, and be supportive of the new job by going shopping with her and treating her to lunch whilst you are out.

Original poster

BoredAdminGirl · 27/02/2015 15:19

This is a wind up post

nope

OP posts:

Fudgeface123 · 27/02/2015 15:20

She's probably stressing about starting her new job, you could have sympathised with her, instead you chose to be a dick and your comment about going to the pub was plain childish.

Teeb · 27/02/2015 15:25

You were rude and speaking to her like a child.

UncleT · 27/02/2015 15:29

Yup - sounded rude from you.

diddl · 27/02/2015 15:34

"I told her she should try them all on etc and make sure they fit so she doesn’t have to rush around this weekend."

did she really even need telling this?

Assuming that the clothes are for work, I would have thought that this was obvious.

At the end of the day, up to her though.

it doesn't affect you, unless she's intending to spend the weekend shopping!

TweeStuff · 27/02/2015 15:35

It was a misunderstanding. You should apologise and then, hopefully, your DP will apologise too. It's a good rule of thumb to never send ambiguous texts. If it's meant jokingly then you need lots of smiley faces and a lol.

ffs I told you to try em on Lol

FenellaFellorick · 27/02/2015 15:38

the problem with texts is it is impossible to hear tone. She clearly felt you were having a go at her. ffs is fairly aggressive. Plus you have been 'telling' her to do it so I'm not surprised she felt the text was exasperated and I told you so ish not 'lighthearted'

Be honest, wasn't it really I told you so dressed up as lighthearted? A bit?

For her to say that you always do it, perhaps a chat is in order, maybe you need to be asking if you do indeed 'always' do it.

Jessica147 · 27/02/2015 16:00

So your DP was quite possibly stressed about starting a new job, found she is a size bigger than she thought, and your response was "ffs I told you to try them on". Harsh.

littlejohnnydory · 27/02/2015 16:24

Reverse?

Boofy27 · 27/02/2015 16:42

Never try to joke abut clothes not fitting again, especially not via text. Don't go to the pub, spend the money on flowers, look sorry.

oldcroneat39 · 27/02/2015 16:49

Never say 'I told you so' it's not as though they don't know. Adding swearing just gives it an angry tone. Even if you meant it in a passive aggressive (joke) way.

TheresACatInMeKitchen · 27/02/2015 16:55

Tbh, FFS does sound aggressive in any form, especially so in a text.
I have tried to make is sound jokey and it doesn't roll off the tongue in a light hearted way. So not surprised your dp took offense to it.

Don't go to the pub, go buy a bottle of wine and takeaway, accept her apology and apologise to her.

Remind · 27/02/2015 16:57

I'd have reacted exactly the same way she did but I would not have apologised yet, if at all. If you're looking for an excuse to go to the pub, go.

TwoOddSocks · 27/02/2015 17:14

YAB a bit U. Your tone wasn't at all clear and she was probably stressed and feeling guilty about not trying on the clothes and you wrote was she thought was an aggressive text saying "I told you so". Hardly very helpful.

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