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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this taking the piss or not? (Maternity leave)

99 replies

RolyPolierThanThou · 27/02/2015 11:51

I'm going to try to put this as neutrally as I can.

I work for an organisation that has about 120 employees. A woman started working here who, three months into her role and still a trainee, announced she was pregnant. Everyone was really pleased for her and congratulated her but she must surely have been ttc as she took the job, unless it was an accident (which is plausible). But everyone was genuinely happy and excited for her.

Anyway, everyone signed a card and gave her gifts for the baby and she took a year's maternity leave and we were all happy for her. Traineeship normally lasts about 8 months here but because she'd be taking maternity leave she was kept as a trainee right through her maternity leave, with a view to promote upon her return.

She came back from maternity leave and after three months was promoted from trainee to her current role. It was at this point she announced that she was expecting AGAIN. She had basically returned from maternity leave already pregnant! I'm sure this happens, but considering she'd practically joined the organisation pregnant makes this seem suspect.

Anyway, she has now returned from her second full year's maternity leave and guess what - pregnant again. She has told at least one person in our team but it's not yet fully announced.

So is she taking the proverbial or is this just something that happens?

She is in her late thirties so I guess might feel under pressure to have children quickly. It just seems she keeps coming back pregnant and announces it after promotion. The company doesn't offer any enhanced maternity packages (only the statutory minimum) but people have been pushing management for a better maternity package, but her case is hardly going to sway their minds.

So what do you think? Completely reasonable and just part of life or a scourge on women's rights in the workplace?

OP posts:
titchy · 27/02/2015 12:39

Yeah what exactly is the problem? She started a role where the normal expectation is that trainees are trained for 8 months then promoted.

She trained for the expected 8 months and was promoted. As any other trainee would have been.

What's the issue? Her 8 month traineeship consisted of a 5 month block then a 3 month block? She still did what any other employee would have done.

Given that your employer is a tight arse doesn't pay enhanced maternity benefits she's hardly cashing in is she?

Marylou2 · 27/02/2015 12:40

YABU in that she's playing within the rules.Having said that it's this type of behaviour that makes employers think teice before employing women of childbearing age and particularly about moving them into management positions.

Sallycinnamum · 27/02/2015 12:42

OP, I have worked in middle management in both the public and private sector and this has happened a few times to staff I manage and to colleagues.

While we should be absolutely promoting great maternity packages and supporting women when they come back to work, what I've seen is that other colleagues both male and female see it as blatantly 'taking the piss' and causes a great deal of problems in the workplace.

In my experience, after the third child women rarely come back to work and often opt for voluntary redundancy or just don't return back full stop.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 27/02/2015 12:49

"Having said that it's this type of behaviour that makes employers think teice before employing women of childbearing age and particularly about moving them into management positions."

I've worked with legions of young male graduates who've been arrogant, supercilious piss-artists who do nothing to support the wider team and need all their (metaphorical) messes wiped up by someone older and more experienced. Curious that no-one ever goes around and says "its this type of behaviour which makes employers think twice about employing male Oxbridge rugby players and moving them into management postions".

WastingMyYoungYears · 27/02/2015 12:51

I'm not sure that I understand your point Sally.

Women make particular choices regarding employment after having DC. These choices might be freely made, or might be forced by circumstances. (Some) other people then judge them for those choices Confused.

WastingMyYoungYears · 27/02/2015 12:53

Honestly, it's up to women to make decisions about their families. While I appreciate that company loyalty is a good thing, I think it's healthy to be aware of the extent of staff loyalty that companies feel.

ApocalypseThen · 27/02/2015 12:57

Well that's the thing, isn't it? You might stop at one pregnancy for the convenience of your employer, but they wouldn't hesitate to get rid of you if they wanted to for some reason. It's an asymmetric relationship.

Shetland · 27/02/2015 12:57

I think that now mat leave is a year, women coming back pregnant again is pretty common? And personally I've never seen what difference it makes if someone takes their mat leave close together or spaces out - they still have the same amount of time off.
If she has this baby and then decided not to come back then yes, I would say that's taking the piss, but until that happens I can't see an issue. She could come back after this baby and stay with the company for 25+ years.
Also, we don't know how long she was trying for the first one. I have several friends who put their lives on hold when trying and then a year or so later decided to move on with their lives - only for it to happen then. These things don't always turn out as planned.

PrimalLass · 27/02/2015 13:01

I wish I had gone back pregnant after mat leave #1. Then I could have escaped again sooner Grin

My company made everyone redundant and moved all the work overseas. Thy weren't loyal, so why should their employees bother?

Nomama · 27/02/2015 13:01

As has been said - Yay for the sisterhood!

Yes, it would be irritating for an employer to deal with, but hey! that's why there are regulations.

As for anyone else, grow up! And keep your fingers firmly crossed that you and your never need anyone to put themselves out for you! You may reap what you sow!

NotYouNaanBread · 27/02/2015 13:02

I think it's fine. It doesn't cost the company anything and when exactly is she supposed to have her children, if not in her late 30's? Early 50's, maybe?

She's (presumably) going to be done at no. 3 and will start building up her career at your workplace without any further interruptions.

Original poster
RolyPolierThanThou · 27/02/2015 13:06

So the overwhelming majority are saying this is just how it is, if a little annoying for management.

Thank fuck because (oxox guessed right) this IS a reverse (I know I know. I'm sorry) and I've been bricking it about going back to work and having to tell my team I'm pregnant again. My role is easily covered by freelancers and isn't management, though. I'll be 12 weeks when I go back.

I am committed to the company in the long term and have no intention of handing in my notice after I have my third (and there are no plans for a fourth). I just need to have my family now and then I can focus on my career. I figured quick succession (18 months age gap each time) would be less disruptive in the long term than taking maternity leave every 3 years, say.

At a recent works social night out one colleague asked me whether I was having another (she herself is one of five) and I blushed deeply and mumbled something non-committal. Knowing full well I was 7 weeks along at the time. I think she guessed I either am or thinking of getting pregnant.

I am hugely relieved by the responses here. And I like to think of myself as a reliable and loyal employee. I have an excellent sickness record (even when I had horrendous all-day sickness and later debilitating SPD in my first pregnancy) and work for as long as is practical before my due date because I enjoy my job.

OP posts:
xiaozhu · 27/02/2015 13:11

YAVBU. Good for her.

Annbag · 27/02/2015 13:11

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

TracyBarlow · 27/02/2015 13:12

I'm on mat leave #3 in 4 years. When I told my boss this time he winced a bit, but quickly regained his composure and congratulated me. I'll let him off, because he's a nice guy. It's not been ideal for me or the company as there's been loads of transition in the past 4 years but these things happen.

Fuckmath · 27/02/2015 13:17

Was going to say yabu but now I see its a reverse. It's just part of life and if you want to have multiple children I'm not sure what else you can do! Hopefully they don't get arsey about it. IMO they wouldn't have a right to. Best of luck.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2015 13:22

Well if I was her manager I would be a bit annoyed but unless you are or you are being asked to do her work for no extra pay then it isn't really any of your business.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2015 13:22

Can I just point out that of course, when you post at midday on a work day, the responses are going to be yanbu. Those who might have responded yabu are probably too busy working or running their own business.
Fwiw I also think yanbu, but in your position I would feel that I owed my company quite a good few years of working after the next tranche if mat leave.

Viviennemary · 27/02/2015 13:28

She's a chancer. Women like her make it ten times more difficult for other women to get on in jobs with small employers. Next time they'll employ a man.

ChipDip · 27/02/2015 13:29

Op it's the people that you actually work with that you need to be concerned about. You might get a lot of people here agreeing with you but it's a bit pointless.

babymouse · 27/02/2015 13:30

Yanbu

Things happen and women shouldn't have to put there lives on hold forever to better suit there company. You know they have handled your maternity leave well in the past so I'm sure they will in the future.

FYI - I'm on my lunch break as I wrote this to the pp who said responses may very after work hours

WastingMyYoungYears · 27/02/2015 13:33

Congratulations OP Smile. Just hold your head high, and ignore / challenge any negative comments.

ShadowSpiral · 27/02/2015 13:37

Yes, good point about company loyalty.

Most places I've worked have been utterly ruthless about axing staff when it suits them.

Why should staff be worrying about planning families around what's convenient for the employer when they get no loyalty in return?

ShadowSpiral · 27/02/2015 13:37

Yes, good point about company loyalty.

Most places I've worked have been utterly ruthless about axing staff when it suits them.

Why should staff be worrying about planning families around what's convenient for the employer when they get no loyalty in return?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 27/02/2015 13:37

Well I wouldn't do it personally as my career is more important to me right now.

But you don't know her situation do you ? She could have thought she would have trouble getting pg ( like someone I know - with a diagnosed condition - who suddenly had to put back her wedding after having a lovely shock - then subsequently had a second very soon after).