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AIBU?

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Original poster

Personalised gift with name misspelt. Should I say something?

44 replies

Primafacie · 26/02/2015 23:07

DD turned 6 recently. She has a name that has multiple 'regular' spellings (think Carrie/Kerry). My DSis, who lives abroad, sent her an embroidered towel with the wrong spelling. It's a very different spelling.

DSis is not dyslexic. I don't know why she always spells DD's name wrong. I've never pointed it out to her as I didn't want to be rude. Feeling a bit silly about it now.

I appreciate her sending something, it is very generous and thoughtful. But I'm sure DD will notice when she opens her gift.

WWYD? Our next door neighbours have a DD with the 'other' spelling and a birthday coming up. Should I regift, and buy DD the same present but with the right spelling?

OP posts:
Galvanized · 26/02/2015 23:09

Depends, your plan sounds not bad if your Dsis never visits. Will she see it?

CalleighDoodle · 26/02/2015 23:09

Sounds an ideal solution.

CalleighDoodle · 26/02/2015 23:10

Even if she sees it what is she going to say that foesnt make her look a tit? Hey wheres the gift i sent with the incorrect spelling i do to annoy you?!

stealthsquiggle · 26/02/2015 23:13

Tricky one. I had this problem with my GM who (whether wilfully or not we never did quite work out) misspelt my name. Fortunately personalised presents were less common then. I do however have a coffee bowl given to me by French friends when I was a teenager which has the one contraction of my full name which I really hate on it - because the French pronounce that one so it sounds like the contraction I do use, IYSWIM.

IIWY I would see how DD reacts. If she laughs and says "silly auntie X" and likes it anyway, then leave it. If it annoys/upsets her, then I would go for the regifting plan. And maybe accidentally forget to exercise editorial control over thank you letters so that she says (as you would) "dear auntie X thank you for the towel but you spelt my name wrong"

nocoolnamesleft · 27/02/2015 02:37

Um. If you've never pointed it out to her, are you sure she realises? I have a relative with an unusual name. When he was little, I got it wrong on a card. His mum pointed it out to me... and I got it right after that. If she hadn't, I'd probably still be using the alternate spelling, in all innocence...

RedButtonhole · 27/02/2015 03:17

I've never pointed it out to her as I didn't want to be rude.

How is she supposed to know if you've never told her?

I'd probably re-gift as you said if DSis wont actually see the gift, but I'd text or email and make sure DDs name is in the conversation so she notices.

Out of curiosity, are you in the US? Where I am in the UK Carrie and Kerry are completely different names.

waithorse · 27/02/2015 06:50

Re gift. But tell your sis, or she will never get the.name correct.

Thumbwitch · 27/02/2015 06:54

Yes, definitely if you have an opportunity to re-gift it to a child whose name IS spelt that way, do it!

But also tell your sister that you had to do that, because she got it wrong. Otherwise this is going to be a perpetual problem, and as your DD gets older she's going to notice.

FWIW, I have relatives who have ALWAYS spelt my name wrong, despite numerous cards etc. from me with the correct spelling; some people are just completely hidebound and can't get it right. But at least they never gave me anything personalised.

wigglesrock · 27/02/2015 06:58

I'd contact your sister and tell her the gift has arrived , your dd absolutely loves it but you think the order was incorrect - the wrong spelling was printed on the towel. Just matter of factly as if it's the suppliers/shops fault - give her an out - once.

BeansInBoots · 27/02/2015 06:58

I'm horrid at confrontation and would message saying
'Hiya, thank you so much for dds gift, unfortunately it seems the company have misread the notes and spelt carrie as Kerry!
Ds has a friend with this spelling so il regift it onto her and replace dds with the correct spelling- hope they get it right this time!
Great idea though, I'm sure she will love it!!

Blush
however · 27/02/2015 07:00

I'd re-gift it and buy another for your daughter. But I'd also tell my SIL.

wigglesrock · 27/02/2015 07:01

But I don't understand why you didn't tell her the first time she did it. My eldest has a name, more traditionally spelled with a ph, we spell it with an f. I corrected quite a few people the first six months of her life and she corrected a few friends when she started school but she hasn't had to do it in years (she's 9)

takeitonthegin · 27/02/2015 07:04

Love beans idea.

Original poster
Primafacie · 27/02/2015 07:29

Thanks everyone. I have never pointedly corrected DSis's spelling, but over the years she has seen DD's correct spelling loads of time - on emails, thank you cards, Christmas cards, etc. I really cannot explain why DSis is using a different spelling.

As it turns out, DD loved her gift and wants to keep it. She wasn't fussed at all by the wrong spelling.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 27/02/2015 09:00

Glad DD likes it - in that case I would leave it until such time as she feels inclined to challenge her aunt herself, TBH.

My GM was the same - every letter, card, whatever for my entire life had the right spelling on, so there is no way that she can not have known how it was spelt, and yet she continued to spell it differently. Knowing her, it is more than possible that she was doing it on purpose because that was the "right" spelling as far as she was concerned, but who knows?

TeenAndTween · 27/02/2015 09:08

Dear Sis,
Thank you for the gift which she absolutely adores and is having fun using.
However for future reference, please can you note her name is spelled ANABELLE not ANNABEL.
Lots of love
Sis

Mousefinkle · 27/02/2015 09:16

My great aunt is the same. My name is spelt the traditional (and IMO the ONLY way it should be spelt) way and she puts a Y on the end rather than IE. It looks dreadful. She's seen my name written down 100000 times in cards but still does it. It's almost as if they think you're getting your own/your child's name wrong and they're right Grin.

I'd go with the regifting plan personally.

Yokohamajojo · 27/02/2015 09:33

I have to admit that I have got my nephews spelling wrong, in writing (birthday/Xmas cards etc) not any personalised gifts, I now check and double check that I get the spelling right as he is getting older and probably would tell me off for it Wink in my case it's just I over think it and in the end get the wrong spelling instead of the right one. Glad your DD liked it but I do think you should tell your sis, or in a conversation say something like the annoying fact that the name has so many spellings bla bla

ragged · 27/02/2015 09:45

BeansInBoots idea is perfect.

Me & my dad both have made up spellings of our names and companies really do get them wrong quite often. If I were a Kerry & got Carrie on a towel it wouldn't bother me at all, though. I mean, who gets sentimental about a towel or uses it forever?

Hakluyt · 27/02/2015 09:46

"Dear Sis,
Thank you for the gift which she absolutely adores and is having fun using.
However for future reference, please can you note her name is spelled ANABELLE not ANNABEL.
Lots of love
Sis"

Oh, not "future reference" and "please can you note" - thwt sounds so rude, like a business letter........

Jennifersrabbit · 27/02/2015 09:51

I have a DD who has a name which sounds familiar in English but is spelt differently as it's actually from a different linguistic background. With friends I shrug shoulders and run a little sweepstake when Christmas cards arrive , but with a DSis I would politely point it out. At least then you know you've said it!

bruffin · 27/02/2015 09:57

My godfather bought me a little gold bangle for my christening and my name is spelt wrong on it. It never bothered me and I was always very fond of the bracelet.

Lovebug85 · 27/02/2015 10:00

I've had this problem with my DH family who seem to think that my DDs name is hyphenated with her middle name. My MIL wanted us to do this when she was born and we didn't want that so I feel she is, quite sneakily, trying to get her own way.
His whole family were writing in cards and on personalised gifts "to Betty-Sue" (for example) and not "to Betty". Not a massive crime and I certainly don't mind then referring to her as that but I felt when it's written down it should be written down properly as its a precious keepsake. I absolutely said something and she's now she's called her proper name.
I'm hugely sentimental and want her to look back on all these things and realise how loved she was, not how much grandma disliked her name!!

Cooki3Monst3r · 27/02/2015 10:01

I was going to say 'just leave it' but as its your Dsis then I think you have to tell her. Enough is enough - she can't keep misspelling your Dd's name forever!

With the little girl next door, you've got the perfect opportunity to tell your dsis but it not be a big thing.

"Oh I'm so sorry dsis but that lovely towel has the wrong name on! But not to worry, there's a girl next door with that exact name. I'll give the towel to her and then order a new one for DS with the correct spelling. Where did you get it from?"

Then I'd tell Dd "it's not your name, I'll get you another one".

PeaceOfWildThings · 27/02/2015 10:04

Do tell her. There are offers often available to have the same embroidery done again for much less money (once the design has been worked out and tested, it is really easy to duplicate it.) So if you don't say anything your dsis might send your DD many more gifts with the incorrect spelling.