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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grumpy partners/husbands

38 replies

LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 22:46

Lol does anyone have one of these? I love mine to bits but at times he drives me mad with his fussiness/grumpiness. So, if he's not moaning about parking/traffic/building work/the state of the country, he's moaning about things indoors that aren't perfect. Well today after five years of hearing his grumbles I feel the need to moan too.

I won't make it a habit and I don't want to moan to friends online or at work but I do need to let it out. So please forgive my moan and do empathise/stick up for him if you wish please.

Today he was moaning, as he regularly does about my daughter(aged 13), putting her feet up on the settee( with her socks on), as he feels that settees are meant for sitting up properly on. I personally, quite often put my feet up but he cannot tell me off as I always put my feet at an angle so the soles aren't touching the settee. But he always tells the kids off and says they are naughty and that they do it on purpose just to annoy him. The fact is, before we met him we always relaxed how we wished on our settee with our feet up so its more a habit that's hard to break.

Anyway I was just wondering what other people feel about this so that I can tell him. He thinks I'm wrong when I say that I believe many people like to put their feet up rather than sit up right all the time. Am I right?

OP posts:
BattlingOnAgain · 26/02/2015 22:48

It's so much more comfy with your feet up. Has your husband tried it, you might be able to convert him Wink

Morelikeguidelines · 26/02/2015 22:48

Hmm. Doesn't sound good to me.

123upthere · 26/02/2015 22:49

'Before we met him we always relaxed how we wish' This is important. Your lives were easier then? Happier? Settees are meant to curl up in btw

TywysogesGymraeg · 26/02/2015 22:50

It kinda goes with the DH job description doesn't it? Being grumpy that is!

Cunderthunt · 26/02/2015 22:53

I sprawl all over the sofa, cannot sit upright! when I visit friends/family I put my feet up on their sofas too, thought everyone did? So no YANBU and he is being a grumpy old fart!

snowaccidentprone · 26/02/2015 22:56

I quite often sit with my feet up on the sofa. As does dh.

But dh is a grumpy bugger most of the time. He says it's because he's tired, but he only works 22 hours a week (he is looking for another job, fingers crossed).

He moaned at me for not checking his latest job application when I was off work yesterday. Even though I've had a stupid cold/cough and inflamed lungs for 2 1/2 weeks, and spent most of the day asleep. I went back to the gp this morning, and have been given a second lot of steroids for my lungs, and antibiotics as I also have a chest infection. But apparently I should have done it yesterday. I shouted at him. Stupid man.

He didn't used to be so grumpy. Does it happen to everyone when they get to a certain age (late 40's)?

gamerchick · 26/02/2015 22:59

I dunno that example is extreme imo. Does he get anxiety?

DisappointedOne · 26/02/2015 23:01

DH's nickname was Grumpy long before I met him.

He's getting worse with age. Confused

MumToFourCats · 26/02/2015 23:02

Your partner cannot "tell you off" anyway as you're his partner; he isn't your parent. You have equal say! Don't give him superior rights to you , that way bad things happen. You are partners. Both adults and both have a valid pov.

Settees are for laying full length on if you can. I often do.

snowaccidentprone · 26/02/2015 23:04

Dh has never said he gets anxious, stressed or depressed. I'm the one who gets like that and I'm very self aware.

Maybe he is. I'll talk to him.
Thanks

livefastlove · 26/02/2015 23:05

My DH can be very grumpy at times, but he is much worse when he is working. He does work long hours, 12 hr night shift. On days off he can be quite nice.

TheOddity · 26/02/2015 23:07

They even do it in the sofa ads!

How old is this guy? 110? Is he Victorian? They even make sofas with special led extensions now!

For the love of God put your feet in the sofa! It is 100% normal! If he doesn't like it, buy him aphis own armchair like a proper old man

BlackBettyBamALam · 26/02/2015 23:08

Apparently the least stressful position for your knees is if tou put your feet up, with your legs straight. Just saying Wink

BlackBettyBamALam · 26/02/2015 23:09

*you even

Dragonfly71 · 26/02/2015 23:12

There's grumpy... And then there's making everyone tread on eggshells. The first you all have a laugh at, the second is worrying...

Original poster
LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 23:14

Haha I like these replies??just nice to know others agree. Thank you so much. I do know he's just fussy like this because of how his mum brought him up and as I'm in my 50's now( and so is he), I try to understand him and accept that he's different in his opinions, but no I will never let him be anything other than fair with me or the children. I didn't let my last partner bully me although he tried( he ended up being done for harassment lol), but now I'm older I would like to learn how to truly make a relationship work despite our differences. I have already found a few different ways of dealing with certain grumbles from him. - it's about not feeding 'the moan' , listen a little and then change the subject.

OP posts:
GetSober · 26/02/2015 23:18

Are you seriously saying that you and your children are "not allowed" to put your feet up on the sofa in your own home?

I'd be telling your DH/DP to do one, on that subject, right about now. And if he was that bloody bossy about a lot of other stuff too, in the home that belongs to you and your children just as much as it does to him, I'd be reassessing whether or not to continue the relationship. Honestly.

Postchildrenpregranny · 26/02/2015 23:19

I hate to tell you but men do tend to get grumpier with age . But they can be if not 'cured', at least brought to greater self awareness. I now tell DH when he is grumping .Nicely . I rarely grump myself .
And yes, settees are for lying on full length .We have two, one each. Chidren have left home

BastardGoDarkly · 26/02/2015 23:19

So, he moved in with you and your dd? And she used to put her feet up, but now she can't because he said you need to sit up straight on a sofa ? Does your dd like him?!

GetSober · 26/02/2015 23:23

When he says he thinks the children are deliberately naughty and do it just to annoy him, does he say that jokingly or is he quite serious about it?

I may be having a megabitch evening or something, but I can't see myself putting up with that sort of shite for a single moment. Do you really need the support of Mumsnet to tell you it's ok to put your feet on (once again) YOUR OWN sofa, in YOUR OWN house?

DeliciousMonster · 26/02/2015 23:25

Im sorry, when did he get voted in as sofa prefect?

Let anyone put their feet (without shoes, obviously) on the sofa if they want. It is their house too.

If he doesn't like it, surely he can move out and get his own sofa?

Summerisle1 · 26/02/2015 23:25

I'd tell your dh to fuck right off with his controlling of feet on sofas. Are you married to your Grandad or some other sort of Victorian paterfamilias here? Only nobody would get away with telling me how I can sit on my own furniture.

Original poster
LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 23:25

By the way does DH stand for (Dick Head)?im new to this site so apologies for my ignorance! Maybe it means Dear Hubbie?!!

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 26/02/2015 23:29

he ended up being done for harassment lol

Excuse me for being grumpy here but do you actually know what that irritating acronym "lol" stands for? Only what on earth is laughable about having a partner who was done for harassment?

HootOnTheBeach · 26/02/2015 23:35

Mine puts it on a bit and it's always said with a badly hidden smirk.

People who moan constantly sincerely make me cringe.