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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grumpy partners/husbands

38 replies

LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 22:46

Lol does anyone have one of these? I love mine to bits but at times he drives me mad with his fussiness/grumpiness. So, if he's not moaning about parking/traffic/building work/the state of the country, he's moaning about things indoors that aren't perfect. Well today after five years of hearing his grumbles I feel the need to moan too.

I won't make it a habit and I don't want to moan to friends online or at work but I do need to let it out. So please forgive my moan and do empathise/stick up for him if you wish please.

Today he was moaning, as he regularly does about my daughter(aged 13), putting her feet up on the settee( with her socks on), as he feels that settees are meant for sitting up properly on. I personally, quite often put my feet up but he cannot tell me off as I always put my feet at an angle so the soles aren't touching the settee. But he always tells the kids off and says they are naughty and that they do it on purpose just to annoy him. The fact is, before we met him we always relaxed how we wished on our settee with our feet up so its more a habit that's hard to break.

Anyway I was just wondering what other people feel about this so that I can tell him. He thinks I'm wrong when I say that I believe many people like to put their feet up rather than sit up right all the time. Am I right?

OP posts:
Original poster
LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 23:38

Ha I'm reading him these comments and he's ignoring me lol! Somehow I think he doesn't like to feel he's in the wrong. Thank you everyone. He does act like a grandad and other times he acts like a kid. My daughter and son actually love him to bits and have a laugh with him and at him at times. I try to encourage them to see that he's just a bit different but that we should still try to respect those others for their differences and make the most of the best bits about them. Snap them out from under their clouds and show them our world of positivity and fun. I'll get there one day hehe. Thanks again.

OP posts:
GetSober · 26/02/2015 23:39

Op it means Dear or Darling Husband. I haven't got the link to hand, but there is a list of Mumsnet abbreviations somewhere - you can Google it Smile

GetSober · 26/02/2015 23:42

X-posted. OP, you sound like a lovely, positive person. Obviously I'm in no position to judge your relationship, but you sound happy to me. Clearly the guy must have SOMETHING about him, even if it isn't his archaic and bizarre views on the appropriate use of living room furniture Wink

But get your feet up on that sofa. NOW. Properly! I'll check, you know! Grin

TendonQueen · 26/02/2015 23:51

If he thinks a sofa should be sat on properly, upright Hmm then he can do that, himself, to his heart's content. What he can't do is tell everyone else the 'right' way to sit on a sofa and expect you all to obey that rule. What does he think will happen? Will civilisation crumble if people start putting their feet up regularly?

I know you have said he's good otherwise so I hope he can accept that this is a petty thing to find fault over. Ask him if it's a deal breaker for him that you and the kids put your feet up. If not, then he should get over it. If it is, then frankly it should be a deal breaker for you that he is so intolerant of harmless habits in someone he's supposed to love.

Original poster
LeoAnni · 26/02/2015 23:57

Well I certainly laughed with relief Summerisle1 when I heard the verdict. It was great closure for me to a rather awful time in my life. I won't apologise for the "lol" as we are all free to use the terms we wish to. It become a little catchy when hearing others constantly using it, especially when you're surrounded by kids. It can also lighten ones tone in text when a subject may appear in print somewhat solemn when actually I am rarely solemn. I will add lol, hehehe, and haha because that's what I'm thinking and it comes out as my thoughts do. But thank you for your criticism which was unkind but hey the other messages were good. It's my first time on this site so I appreciate all the feedback particularly the fun ones about grandad and him living in Victorian times. Love it! I feel much better. Btw my nickname for my partner is Victor Meldrew( if anyone's old enough to know the character!). I do love him and the grumpiness comes n goes. Positives are he's an amazing cook, he loves to clean and tidy, and gives a rather fabulous performance when it counts!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
LeoAnni · 27/02/2015 00:14

Thank you 'Get Sober' for lovely comments. No - I didn't need the support of mums net to tell me I can put my feet up on the sofa, because I do that anyway but it's nice to be able to have my own moan. I don't often moan but I think it's need occasionally especially when DH makes a ridiculous comment i.e. Settees are meant for sitting upright on!!!! I

haven't many friends in the city where I'm living as I moved in with DH from a different town and I do miss good conversation. I know I'll eventually make some really good friends here but for now it's hard not being able to chatter and let of any steam. That's what we women need isn't it? I'm not unhappy but I'll certainly be happier when I have more friends. Thanks ladies for being here. X

OP posts:
PopTarts · 27/02/2015 00:27

I think I'm a very grumpy wife actually. Blush I always try not to but the grumpiness just kind of seeps out of my pores and then I am grumpy.

Having said that, anyone who told me to not put my feet up on the sofa would get a big fat fuck off.

Millyx · 27/02/2015 02:15

he is obviously unhappy about something when people give out negative energy they are unhappy in their life you need to talk to him and find out why he is so miserable there is a reason he is like this maybe work stresses?

DeliciousMonster · 27/02/2015 08:06

Yes. Work stress always has an impact on other people's ability to put their feet on sofas. Excellent point.

JollyFrog · 27/02/2015 08:15

Good job he hasnt met my 6ft 3 teen. He takes up the whole sofa when hes relaxing!
LT grumpy B lol Hmm

crazykat · 27/02/2015 13:42

I don't mind feet up on the sofa, as long as they're covered with socks but I've got a weird thing about bare feet. What I hate and don't allow is legs over the arm of the sofa/chair, dsd tries it every time she's here but quickly gets told to shift.

The only time it's not acceptable to have feet up on the sofa is when it means there's no room for everyone to sit down.

I know how difficult it can be as a step parent but tell him to lighten up on your dd, it's not like she's jumping on the sofa or wearing shoes when she does it.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/02/2015 14:23

I was a grumpy husband. Then I was prescribed tramadol. Now I'm irritatingly cheerful.

geekymommy · 27/02/2015 16:33

If he put his feet up on the sofa, he might feel better and be less grumpy.

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