Wibu to make him eat them?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

What's your stance on making your dc's eat their veg. I can't decide whether I would be unreasonable to make ds eat his.

Basically I wouldn't say he's a very, very fussy eater, but he doesn't like much veg. I try to mix our meals up so that everyone gets something they like a couple of days a week but can't be bothered doing separate meals for people

He'll eat loads of fruit, munches his way through the fruit bowl every day, loves carrots, he'll eat lettuce and cucumber, but that's probably about as far as it goes. He will eat other things like parsnips, peppers, broccoli, sweetcorn, but he's not keen and has to be persuaded. He hates mushrooms and tomatoes unless it's a tomato based sauce. If he has the choice he'd rarely choose veg.

I'm not a good example as I don't like quite a few veg myself but I've forced myself for the sake of health and manners, sprouts and broccoli make me gag but I love all salad and love stir fry veg etc.

Anyway we just had peas with our meal and ds was complaining, I said he had to eat them as he only had a few but he kept spitting them out and in the end was gagging so I just left it.

What's the best way finding a balance.

I mean I refuse to just write off a food because ds doesn't like it. If peas go with the meal then they go on the plate, but I make sure we then have ds preference on another day.

But is it best to make him just try it, or eat it. I know it seems daft to put something on the plate that makes someone gag, but that would mean cutting out a whole lot of foods which go with the meals.

It's not daft, it's cruel. If you are forced to eat something you are spitting out and gagging on is that going to make you enjoy it and eat it in future? Every month or so tell him to try peas again. Just put a tablespoon on the plate. Try them and that's all. Don't force him to eat it. Ask what he doesn't like, is it too hard, too soft, does he want salt on it (better than not eating it at all). You are making peas into a torture and he is going to be one of those people who eats nothing but pizza for 20 years once he moves out as an adult until he grows up or dies

he won't die now btw so try not to worry too much in the meantime. There was something seriously wrong with my brother and he literally ate nothing but milk, milk chocolate and chewable vitamins until he was about 14 and got a girlfriend, he's 21 now and not deformed or anything. Your son's eating habits are way, way better. Children and young people are pretty resilient to bad eating I guess

Like you say you hate broccoli but he'll eat it. Wherever you are cooking the peas you can throw some broc in for him too. You wouldn't have to make full on separate meals

No, I don't make mine eat a particular veg or few veg that they don't like. I still cook the veg if the rest of us are having it but if one of the kids doesn't like it they don't have to eat it. My mum used to make me eat food I couldn't stand, it didn't help me broaden my tastes.

The food she used to make me swallow two or three mouthfuls of would have included fish, parsnips, peas, cauliflower and potatoes - I don't eat any of them now. The food I didn't like as a young child that she just let me not like - mushrooms, cabbage, courgettes I will eat now because I was allowed to leave them until I was a bit older. It's the one parenting thing that my mum did that I swore I would never do - I've a 9,7 and 3 year old they have their likes and dislikes but honestly they'll eat quite a lot of different things.

How old is he? DD is 10 and won't eat half that list. Cucumber, tomatoes (but only cherry ones and not the outsides) broccoli, carrots (not raw) and a few peas is all she'll eat. All she used to eat until recently was cucumber, so I consider her current list pretty good, for her.

Why are you so keen to make him eat stuff he hates?

rinabean: "it's not daft, it's cruel".

This.

It's one thing to ask a child to try new foods and to request they eat some veg, but to insist on them eating something that makes them gag because it would otherwise mean cutting some things out? Cruel. And sowing the seeds for a bad relationship with food in the coming years.

Hidden veg sauce to ensure a balanced diet without making a huge issue of it all and try disliked things again periodically over the year. My now 4 year old HATED raw veg in the shape of cucumber, peppers, carrot etc until very recently, I just put a bit of them on his picnic plate once in a while and eventually he decided to try them and now eats them without a murmur. He's pretty great foodwise but is a child and says yuck to new things sometimes. His 2 yo brother was far more fussy but by not making a drama out of it and just serving him the veg he would tolerate them putting bits and bobs on his plate from time to time for him to try has worked pretty well.

My dd is very like your son. Loves all fruit. Eats carrots, cucumber and broccoli without complaint, but other veggies are a no no. I just continue to put it on her plate and ask that she tastes it. I praise when she does and then move on. She will either develop a taste for them or she won't. I love veg, but hate peas - I think sometimes we forget that kids might genuinely not like dome foods and that is ok. As long as dd tries it I'm happy.

Right ok, he's 6.

Firstly we only have peas once in a blue moon. If you read my op properly I did not make him eat them when he was gagging. I put a tiny amount on his plate, I told him he needed to eat them however as we was gagging I just left it at that.

However it's sometimes difficult to tell with children whether they genuinely hate something or just don't want it as it's not their favourite.

Ds will say he hates this, hates that, but when he tries it he then decides he loves it. Many days we have baked beans or spaghetti hoops, or hidden veg so there's nothing that he doesn't like. If he has the choice he'd never have veg and would prefer chocolate to fruit but I try to balance favourite things with what's actually good for us.

I'm far, far from force feeding him things he hates and I'm certainly not cruel. I realise children just won't like certain things but at the same time it's a bit like this. Ds was at my mums once and she gave him a jacket potato, he told my mum that he hates jacket potatoes, they make him sick. This isn't true at all but he said this because he wanted chips and he knew my mum would throw the potato and give in and make him chips, which she did.

I think that there's a line between giving them issues by forcing them to eat things but also giving issues by allowing them to refuse lots if foods.

Posters have me ruined being for ed to eat things as dc, I was the opposite, my parents didn't force me and it took me a long time to try new things because I'd lived on sausage and chips.

I make ds eat things he doesn't like. He is 8 and claims to hate potatoes. If we have a roast I give him one small roast potato which he has to eat. Funnily enough he asked for a second last time! Otherwise it's just a little bit of the food - he now eats anything and will try anything (as long as its not potato or chocolate!)

Dd is 4 and I expect her to taste. That is often just a nibble. Sometimes she will then ask for more, sometimes the nibble is enough. Often her reason for not wanting to eat it is because she doesn't like the way it looks so I like her to taste.

In your example I would have expected him to eat a couple of peas but not a full portion (although how old is he?). The next time we had peas I would give him a couple only and then just see if he develops a taste for them.

Posters have remembered that should say

Xpost! At six I would expect him to try a little.

Kids are funny though - dd has been complaining she hates baked beans but came home from school with sauce on her uniform. Turns put she has baked beans on a jacket potato regularly at school! Can't imagine the school use beans that taste much different to the ones I've offered her!

I cook dinner.

Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't.

There is no pressure either way and therefore no battle.

Sometimes there is dessert sometimes there isn't. Dessert isn't dependant on eating all your dinner though.

We don't do snacking in our house. So by the time it is mealtime they are hungry usually.

But sometimes they really don't want whatever is offered and that is fine, they might grab an apple instead or choose nothing.

Both my boys are big strong boys. Nothing bad has happened to them skipping a meal here and there nor has not constantly stuffing their faces with snacks had any negative effect.

Just offer the food, what he does with it then is his business.

when one of my children doesn't like something, I just either don't put it or ask them to leave it (mushrooms in a sauce). Every so often I offer it to them as they get older. Now I have an 8 year old that eats tomatoes and a 10 year old that eats bananas. They gagged or refused when they were little.
The less fuss you make the less fuss he will make. People usually add to their palate as they grow. At least most people do. You get the odd food faddie who has an unhealthy obsession with themselves and their diet/stomach. So best keep it light and open to avoid this!

I sometimes gag on peas. They're so bloody round and shelly. It's very much a texture thing.

I'd back off. He might not eat a lot of different veg, but he eats a range of colours and plenty of fruit. My parents forcing me to eat food I hated, as a child, did not make me magically start liking it but did make me feel resentful.

Whenever my DD rejects anything I just say "never mind, you will like it when you are more grown up". She is always more keen to like something if she thinks it makes her 'grown up'. As long as they eat healthily there is no need to put too much pressure on them.

I love veg but cannot stand peas, sugary little horrors! Why veg has to taste sweet I will never know.

He's not going to die if he doesn't eat them ffs. He sounds like he gets his veg/fruit from other sources. It's cruel to MAKE him eat them. YABVU!

You cannot force a child to eat!
Don't make it into a big issue.
Hide veg in pasta sauces, pies, bologneses etc and always provide extra portions of plain veg as well.

DD has just turned 15 and suddenly started to widen her tastes. She doesn't mind mushrooms now! (As of this week! After picking them out of things every chance she gets!) She tried olives and liked them. She's now ok with green beans, courgette, kale and squash. Still not keen on parsnip or beetroot, but she's started to choose to eat lettuce not which is incredible!
Up until now the range of veg she will happily eat has been peas, leeks, cooked carrots, red pepper, brocolli and sweetcorn.

My dd hates sheppards pie apparently. Its the texture of the mash with the mince and gravy together.

But she loves it when we have war tea which is just mince and mash potatoes.

Go figure.

I insist she tries new things but if she doesn't want what I am cooking she can make herself a sandwich or toast.

She eats 99% of what I put in front of her and has a good attitude to food. I would never force a child to eat something that they say they don't want. But I wouldn't necessarily offer a nicer alternative.

Adults are capable of deciding that they do or don't like certain foods- why do people assume that children aren't able to just dislike something? I hate sweetcorn, my kids love it. I would never put sweetcorn on my plate, or deny myself pudding if I didn't eat it. My dd hates peas. I love them. But I don't force her to eat them.
One of the biggest problems I think people have with feeding kids, especially fussy ones, is we stop trusting them to make good choices about food. They decide their kids appetite, they think 'it's mealtime therefore the child must be hungry, because I am hungry', and make food/ mealtimes about the parents not the child. And then spend a lifetime unravelling unhealthy food associations. I did baby led weaning with my son and he is the happiest, most adventurous eater I know out of any children in our circle, but in order for BLW to work you absolutely have to trust the child ( even babies) to make choices about their appetite and preferences.

Imagine being forced to eat food that makes you gag. It doesn't make it easier to eat next time.

Just disguise other veg by pureeing into tomato sauce, offer loads of cucumber and fruit, and occasionally try new ways of serving. Often they get more adventurous with peer pressure. DS2 is a monkey, stuff he won't touch at home he scoffs in restaurants and at school.

That's the only thing buildyoursnowman, he's funny in that he hates something one day and loves it the next.

I'm not some ogre, ds has a small child's plate, I never give massive portions and if there's veg I give less as I know he'll be overwhelmed by too much. I never make him finish his plate and pudding doesn't depend on anything other than whether we have pudding in.

I did say in op he's not a terribly fussy eater but I do get exasperated that he seems to hardly like any veg. I say things like just eat half or just eat what's there (a tiny bit), I say eat it with your other food or in your sauce to try a different taste. I just wonder if he'll ever like veg I don't want him to end up like me as it's taken me time and discovering new ways of cooking things.

Please don't force him. When I was a child certain foods would make me gag due to their smell or texture. I was forced to eat mushy peas once at school and was sick all over the floor. It sounds like he eats a fairly varied diet. Not every one like everything.

Woah I think that some people are getting a bit carried away and reading into things that I haven't said.

I haven't said that I force him to eat things he's gagging on, but something he gags on one week he'll eat the next. I haven't said I ban puddings or anything else. I haven't said that ds is fussy or that we have food issues.

He does loads of things like with lasagne eating the cheesy and pasta bits and leaving the meaty bit and I say nothing.

But I disagree that I can just totally let him make his own choices, he'd probably choose macdonalds and cake.

I don't think there is any harm in putting a teaspoon of peas, one sprout etc and expecting him to eat it. Its not going to kill him and very unlikely to make him sick. I HATED sprouts as a child, and started with half a sprout. Over the years i had an extra sprout each year and just ate them. Usually first to get them out of the way! (i love them now)

I remember telling my DGM my eldest DC was going through a fussy phase with food and she told me to just let him eat what he wanted. Yeah, great plan Grandma! He'd have banana and peanut butter sandwiches for every meal, not quite sure that's nutritionally complete .

He got over it in time. I never forced any foods down his throat, if he didn't want them then fine but he got nothing else as a replacement and he had to sit at the table and wait for everyone to finish too.

Children have dislikes in the same way adults do which I fully accept. I know he HATES tomatoes and mushrooms because he has done right from weaning as a baby, so I don't bother giving him them anymore. But anything else he's offered and gradually he's just started eating them. We've gone from only carrots and cucumber vegetable wise to everything except sweetcorn, courgette, peas, tomatoes and mushrooms (the latter two not technically vegetables I know...) Trust me when I say, this is a triumph!

It IS fussiness sometimes and nothing to do with disliking the food. A good example of this for my DS is tofu. He won't eat it when it's scrambled but give him it cubed and he loves it so that proves to me he's just being a fusspot...

You just have to persevere. Don't pander to him and make special separate meals. Offer the same as everyone else and don't make a huge deal over the fact he isn't eating it, just ignore and keep calm.

It's not the end of the world if they go through a phase of limited vegetables anyway. The fact he likes fruit is a good thing. Maybe start on multivitamins just to ensure he gets all the correct vitamins he needs but I'm certain he'll be fine .