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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to make him eat them?

46 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 26/02/2015 19:43

What's your stance on making your dc's eat their veg. I can't decide whether I would be unreasonable to make ds eat his.

Basically I wouldn't say he's a very, very fussy eater, but he doesn't like much veg. I try to mix our meals up so that everyone gets something they like a couple of days a week but can't be bothered doing separate meals for people

He'll eat loads of fruit, munches his way through the fruit bowl every day, loves carrots, he'll eat lettuce and cucumber, but that's probably about as far as it goes. He will eat other things like parsnips, peppers, broccoli, sweetcorn, but he's not keen and has to be persuaded. He hates mushrooms and tomatoes unless it's a tomato based sauce. If he has the choice he'd rarely choose veg.

I'm not a good example as I don't like quite a few veg myself but I've forced myself for the sake of health and manners, sprouts and broccoli make me gag but I love all salad and love stir fry veg etc.

Anyway we just had peas with our meal and ds was complaining, I said he had to eat them as he only had a few but he kept spitting them out and in the end was gagging so I just left it.

What's the best way finding a balance.

OP posts:

PeaceOfWildThings · 26/02/2015 22:42

how about trying veggie cakes?

nocoolnamesleft · 27/02/2015 02:55

The tofu thing may well be the different texture. A lot of food dislikes seem to have a large component of texture - probably why mushrooms get mentioned so much.

LaLyra · 27/02/2015 03:15

The tofu thing could be the texture. I like the flavour of mushroom so can have mushroom sauce or mushroom soup, but I cannot stand actual mushrooms. I'm the same with tomatoes - it's the texture that turns my stomach.

OP have you tried putting the veg in bowls on the table rather than on plates? I find that works much better. Everyone has to have at least a spoonful of veg and it sometimes means one child has only peas whereas another has carrots (in fact one mostly only has carrots even if they don't actually 'go' with the meal, but I know she'll eat them), but they all have something.

Catsrus · 27/02/2015 03:44

i discovered the way round this one - give him what you know he will eat but give yourself that PLUS something more interesting veg wise. He will inevitably be curious about what you're having BUT you say " you won't like it, it's a very grown up food". At some point he will insist that he try it and you refuse saying "I made this for me because I really like it and I don't want it wasted and I know you won't like it" you eventually give into the pleading and allow him "just a taste". This process may take a few days / weeks / months but I guarantee it works . My dc spent their teens introducing their friends to all the interesting food the friends had never tried and being shocked by that - when I well remember the days of nuggets and oven chips being the only safe option for them!

Oh and the person who talked about the dc eating baked beans outside of the house! With us it was food cooked at grans tasting so much better than at home - she did one cheese/beans on toast combo that I never managed to replicate to their satisfaction

however · 27/02/2015 04:00

I refuse to pander to not putting veg they don't really like on their plate. it goes on the plate. They decide if they want to eat it or not.

If it's new, they do have to try it, they don't have to eat it.

There is a difference between not really liking something, and stuff making you gag. One of mine isn't fussed about peas, but she'll eat a tablespoon full.

None of them ever age pumpkin. Ever. A small piece always went on their plate. Now two of them eat it without comment. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting used to it.

They don't like cooked carrot, but eat it raw. Same with beans. I'm fine with that.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 27/02/2015 09:08

What beans do tey eat raw?

I only ever quick my veg 'al dente' so you still get a crunch - the kids seem to prefer that because they prefer raw veg too.

PeaceOfWildThings · 27/02/2015 10:12

Mine preferred raw veg until they got braces and then it needed to be either cooked or cut up into a state of not needing to be bitten into or chewed.

I agree with Catsrus, giving them what they want and eating extra veg and other healthy stuff yourself is a great way for them to at least want to try it. They might not like it, which is fine. Tastes do change as you grow up though.

Charlotte3333 · 27/02/2015 10:25

I think forcing kids to eat something they genuinely dislike is a sure-fire way to make mealtimes stressful. I put everything on their plates and if they don't like it, they leave it.

We also have a rule that you have to try new stuff three times before you can officially declare you hate it. No idea where it came from but it does work; DS1 has always eaten well, DS2 is 4 now and eats stuff he wouldn't touch a year ago so their tastes do change.

I agree about mushrooms being texture; both boys hate them and will pick them out if I put them in a sauce. I go easy, though, because I don't want to spend mealtimes nagging them.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 27/02/2015 12:27

My parents were the "you're not leaving the table until you eat it" type with me... I now have food issues.

with my kids, I do the "green eggs and ham" thing -

"You do not like them, so you say.
Try them! try them, and you may!
Try them and you may, I say!"

as long as they're seen to be trying the food provided they can leave it.
But I do always warn them that there won't be anything else to eat.

WyrdByrd · 27/02/2015 12:38

Tbh I'd let him get on with it. My DD is 10 and not overkeen on fruit. We usually only get it down her in the context of her asking for a biscuit & us saying 'yes, but only if you have a satsuma with it' .

But, she eats most veg & would eat salad every day, so I don't see the point in forcing the issue.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 27/02/2015 13:21

My ds won't leave anything on his plate since they learnt about food waste at school. Not good for my waistline as he expects me to finish what he can't!

I used to let him serve himself but now I fill his plate to a reasonable portion I think he can manage and let him have seconds if he wants it.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/02/2015 13:24

I don't fight at all tbh. If mine don't want to eat it, then leave it, its up to them. Most meals I just hid veg in sauces, or chopped up small into chilli, curry, spag bol etc. I also do rainbow mash - that goes down well, and they can see there is veg in the mash but its pretty enough that they don't mind :)

Number3cometome · 27/02/2015 13:28

I am going to be completely honest now and admit that as a first time mother (12 years ago) I did try and force my child to eat things he didn't like.

He was fussy from birth, literally would only eat yogurts when weaning, and hated anything I gave to him. I worried like mad despite being told he is growing well (always above 90th centile)

At age 4, he was only eating chicken nuggets and sandwiches, I got pissed off and tried to force him to eat things we were eating.

I would make him sit at the table crying (me also crying in frustration) for 30 minutes or so trying to get him to eat things, the poor boy would be heaving (I never physically forced food on him, I told him he couldn't get up until he ate 'x' amount)

I didn't work, it was a total waste of time, energy and heartache for something that achieved nothing. I wish I hadn't have bothered! All it did was cause upset.

I gave up on that and slowly slowly he started introducing things in his diet. Now age 12, he will eat a fair range of food (will eat most fruit, some veg, some meat, nearly call carbs)

He is 5ft 4, size 7 feet, healthy active and happy!

I went for a total different approach with DD, I let her lead the way with foods she liked and DD will literally eat anything, no fuss at all.

Basically what I am saying is don't force your child, he will not let himself starve and life is too short to be causing the upset that it causes.

ragged · 27/02/2015 13:29

I was cruel. I forced 3 of my toddlers (now age 10+) to eat their veg & they all eat a huge range of veg without issues (they have to eat veg to get pudding); no Eating disorders, none of this other bad stuff supposed to happen.

I never forced DC4 (went soft). DC4 (now 7yo) is incredibly fussy and still eats only carrots (no other veg or fruit, unless ketchup counts?). I regret that I didn't force him. Let's see what happens by the time he's 27 maybe he'll try another veg by then.

Hoppinggreen · 27/02/2015 13:38

My children eat veg but only certain ones and in certain ways ( eg mashed, raw etc)
As long as they are eating enough fruit and veg I couldn't care less if they don't like ALL varieties.
I don't believe in forcing anyone to eat anything

AmateurSeamstress · 27/02/2015 13:40

Not worth turning it into a battle ground. Our DC are encouraged to try new stuff and I do expect them to have a bite of everything. No forcing but if they want 2nds or pudding then I'll say they need to have 2 more bites of veg or whatever. If they choose not to, that's up to them, no ladling it on, no encouragement to clear plates, only to try stuff.

Morloth · 28/02/2015 22:11

He can only choose Macdonald and cake if you give it to him.

Just chill out about it. Cook whatever it is you are doing, give him some and leave him to decide what he eats off the plate and what he doesn't.

He will be fine, really he will.

Fairylea · 28/02/2015 22:17

Absolutely cannot stand the idea of making children eat anything. I just offer whatever we have and if they don't eat it they don't eat it and I don't make anything of it at all. My eldest is now nearly 12 and eats quite a varied diet, but has gone through spells of fussiness.

As a child I was forced to eat mashed potato at school and I can't even look at it now without feeling sick. I will never risk that happening with my dc with any food. Food should always be pleasurable.

MrsMook · 28/02/2015 22:34

Ds1 gets everything on his plate, and a free choice of what to eat.

If he's having a random picky night, he'll be asked what he'd rather eat and leave on his plate, and we'll focus on what he favours.

He's allowed to dislike food, but I don't want a commentary on it. The only thing I expect him to eat is something he has requested, mainly on the basis that some other ravenous gannet in the family would have wanted it!

He's beginning to get over his dislike of mushrooms if they are very small.

It took me 32 years to be able to eat broccoli. I'd eaten badly for a week while BFing a 4m old, and suddenly those green nutrients seemed appetising!

RedSoloCup · 28/02/2015 22:46

Mine eat carrot (pref raw), peas, cucumber, 2 of 3 tomatoes, not much else. If I'm serving something they won't eat I just do a bowl of raw carrot / cucumber / tomato and leave them to it.

I just figure pick your battles wisely....

StarOnTheTree · 28/02/2015 22:46

I put the food on the DC's plates and they either eat it or don't. Two of them love most veg and the other one only likes a few varieties. I'd never make them eat anything but I don't make anything else for them.

I don't mind adapting a meal though, DD3 doesn't like mash so I take some potatoes out of the pan before I mash them. It's perfectly normal to like the same food prepared or cooked in a particular way and not like it another way. I love fresh spinach but I would instantly vomit if I put cooked spinach in my mouth.

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