Money and DH

[itstartsnow]

I pay for everything and DH gives me money back transferred into my account on payday. This money is for bills and food shop only. It's a set amount so if I buy anything extra eg new clothes for the baby or a treat for the baby then it comes out my money.

I earn more than him, however I work more hours. I'm on maternity leave at the moment. He has the potential to make more money but never bothers applying for jobs.

I have been saving part of my salary for years. Just something my parents taught me to do from a young age. He has now seen my savings account (was never a secret but never really discussed) and he was shocked by what I had saved. He said that if I could manage to save then he should be paying me less towards the household.

He pays me 40% of his wages. Leaving him 60% to do as he pleases.

I spend 30% of my wages on my half of the bills and food shopping. Leaves me 70% to do as I please (normally save, buy DC things, buy things for the house, extra treats eg take aways)

He always complains he has no money and I end up paying for meals out etc 95% of the time.

AIBU to have him pay exactly half when he a little earns less.

I think the fact he pays YOU brings about a bit of a power problem.

Keep it neutral and business-like. Open a joint account for bills/household expenses only. Essential items for children (nappies, shoes, clothing, etc) should absolutely be part of this and not just your expense. Tot up the total that these amount to and add £100 or so to ensure the account always has a little extra for unexpected expenses. Decide on a sum that you can both pay in that covers this. You may be happy to pay a bit more as you are the higher earner, but your ability to save shouldn't have any bearing on this.

I would also be trying to educate him on WHY you are trying to save money. Does he never want to make a big purchase, eg a house of your own, a car, renovations, household goods? Not to mention the child(ren).

Anyway, once the agreed amount is standing ordered out every month (so he won't miss it) the rest of the money remains in your private accounts for you each to do what you like with without questions.

We use a similar system to the one musicmaiden describes & it works for us. Living with someone with a different attitude to money is very challenging but there are reasonable compromises.