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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my sister being precious and whingy or am I a cow?

46 replies

MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 09:14

Sister lives alone with her two year old. She works 3 days a week in the nursery he goes to. Her heating has gone wrong last night...it won't come on at all due to a leak or something...the company coming to fix it have offered to come today, tomorrow or Friday. SHe's working today and tomorrow...so she wanted me to go to hers and wait in.

I can't! I have a dental appointment for a new crown...it's a double appointment and I will have to wait ages for another...my appointment is this morning and tomorrow afternoon as having moulds taken etc.

NOw she's very angry and has taken today off to get the heating mended.

I said "I just can't I'm really sorry...but two days without heating at this time of year is hardly torture...you will be ok" and she was outraged! "I can't have NO heating for TWO days!!"

Is that a bit precious? She lives in a modern flat ffs! It's not a windy old mansion with 40 rooms!

She has chosen to take a day off and loose the wages!

OP posts:
GalensOyster · 25/02/2015 09:17

Precious.

YANBU.

Mrsjayy · 25/02/2015 09:18

Meh I would leave her to strop and huff yanbu

Fudgeface123 · 25/02/2015 09:19

YABU about the heating itself, I don't think I'd be happy without heating for a couple of days at this time of year, it's freezing. I wouldn't expect anyone else to go and wait in for the plumber though, that's her responsibility.

She is BU for having a go at you, it's not your problem

tabulahrasa · 25/02/2015 09:20

I don't know where you are, but it was frozen last night here, literally frozen I mean, so I'd not go without heating with a toddler for 2 days.

But, I wouldn't expect you to cancel your appointment either.

ecuse · 25/02/2015 09:20

Precious. And entitled.

OTheHugeManatee · 25/02/2015 09:21

You're having major dental treatment and her heating takes priority??? Actually, no, not her heating but her annual leave takes priority? Confused

She is more than precious, she's a selfish cow.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/02/2015 09:21

Just let her huff

You're dental appt is way more important

CheeseandPickledOnion · 25/02/2015 09:44

YANBU. If she had no other options that that was her only choice. She cannot expect you to cancel a booked appointment for her.

TwoOddSocks · 25/02/2015 09:48

Not sure how cold it is where you are but my heating went out a few weeks ago and I bought a little electric heater for £10, it's probably expensive in terms of electricity but still cheaper then an entire day off work. In any case it's not your responsibility to sort it out for her.

Trumpity · 25/02/2015 09:53

Your dentist would not have been happy if you'd cancelled such long appointments as short notice, either.

HolgerDanske · 25/02/2015 09:54

I had not heating for a week recently, at the start of the coldest week we've had so far this winter. We survived quite nicely. But I did have one electric heater which warmed up our living room and bedrooms very nicely, and we've also got electric heating for our water if we need to use it, so I appreciate we're lucky in that respect. But yes, she's being entitled and precious. What does she think other people do who can't demand that someone stays in for them? - take the day off, that's what! I would suggest she buys a little electric heater for emergencies.

Dentist appointments are not easy to come by.

HolgerDanske · 25/02/2015 09:55

no heating...

CantBeBotheredThinking · 25/02/2015 09:56

Again I don't know which part of the country you are but we have had snow every day for the last 4 days, heating right now is an essential so I would be very irritated with you dismissing that however yes your priority is your teeth and your sister was unreasonable for not accepting that.

mrsm16 · 25/02/2015 09:57

We had no heating for 10 days in December, used an electric heater in toddlers bedroom and fire in sitting room and just didn't leave the sitting room, we all survived, yanbu

Nolim · 25/02/2015 10:01

Yanbu. You have your own commitments.

HolgerDanske · 25/02/2015 10:03

Yes but everything turned out fine didn't it - OP's sister took time off work and the heating will be sorted. She just didn't get to pass the responsibility on to the OP, which shouldn't be her automatic expectation. She doesn't have any justification for being very angry.

JudgeRinderSays · 25/02/2015 10:03

DH used to be a tradesman and people who worked would just drop him a key the night before..

ChickenMe · 25/02/2015 10:10

It's not your fault her heating broke. She's an adult and managed to come up with the same solution as most people would have to..taking time off. You would've helped if you could. Think she is dumping a lot of negativity on you.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 25/02/2015 10:10

YANBU, her responsibility not yours. Our boiler broke last winter with a 2 month old DD. As we private rent we had to wait for the landlord to get someone to sort it out, which took 2 days and then another day to be fixed. We bought a fan heater for £10 for use in the rooms she was in and DH and I survived with extra jumpers. It's very inconvenient but not insurmountable. Regardless, she shouldn't be angry with you. You have other commitments.

Clockingoff · 25/02/2015 11:15

YANBU. I agree that it's too cold at the moment to go without heating, especially when you have a young child. But surely she could borrow a couple of heaters and get by? That's what people used to do and they managed.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/02/2015 11:17

I grew up in a house that had no heating at all overnights, even in the depths of winter. We had a coke fired boiler, and mum and dad used to let it go out mid-evening, so by bedtime, the radiators were cold, and so was the house. I used to go to bed in a nightie, socks and a huge jumper, and had two blankets, an eiderdown and a patchwork quilt on the bed.

When I am at home alone during the day now, I rarely put the heating on - it seems extravagant just for me - so the house can get pretty cold during the day - but I can put on an extra layer or two.

It's not nice to be without heating, but it is perfectly survivable for a couple of days - hardly end of world. And anyway, you shouldn't have to drop essential dental treatment to wait for your sister's workman - it is not your responsibility, OP, it's hers.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/02/2015 11:18

YANBU she is trying to make her problem into your problem; anyway I am sure you would help her if you could, but you cannot.
Try the same stunt on her and see if she likes it.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 11:26

clocking see I just don't buy that. We both grew up with no heating at all! We had no fire or ch for years! We wore a lot of clothes.

OP posts:
sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 11:42

YANBU to say no as it doesn't suit you.

But I don't think she is being precious either. It can be really overwhelming to be a single mum, and having all the responsibility for the child and the house on one persons shoulders gets heavy at times. So I can see why she reached out to you, and she did react badly to you, which was out of order, but maybe she is just feeling really isolated and weary from having no one to share the burden.

Lweji · 25/02/2015 12:13

It's her choice to put up with no heating or not.
But you don't have to be at her disposal.
It's also her responsibility to decide if losing her wages is worth it or not.