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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my sister being precious and whingy or am I a cow?

46 replies

MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 09:14

Sister lives alone with her two year old. She works 3 days a week in the nursery he goes to. Her heating has gone wrong last night...it won't come on at all due to a leak or something...the company coming to fix it have offered to come today, tomorrow or Friday. SHe's working today and tomorrow...so she wanted me to go to hers and wait in.

I can't! I have a dental appointment for a new crown...it's a double appointment and I will have to wait ages for another...my appointment is this morning and tomorrow afternoon as having moulds taken etc.

NOw she's very angry and has taken today off to get the heating mended.

I said "I just can't I'm really sorry...but two days without heating at this time of year is hardly torture...you will be ok" and she was outraged! "I can't have NO heating for TWO days!!"

Is that a bit precious? She lives in a modern flat ffs! It's not a windy old mansion with 40 rooms!

She has chosen to take a day off and loose the wages!

OP posts:

NeedABumChange · 25/02/2015 12:34

Precious.
Even with snow it's hardly the artic. Put a bloody jumper and some socks on for two days it wouldn't kill her. My heating is only on two hours a day and I'm at home all day at the mo.
Our boiler broke the last two Christmases in a row. Which meant no heating or hot water. It took two weeks to get it fixed in 2012. We survived fine. Make lots of soup.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/02/2015 12:36

Sliceofsoup - I agree, it is not wrong for the OP's sister to ask for help, but it is wrong for her to get the arse with the OP because she can't miss her dental appointment.

Pootles2010 · 25/02/2015 12:38

You literally had no fire or heating of any sort? Are you quite sure?

LittleBairn · 25/02/2015 12:43

You are both being whiny. She shouldn't expect you to run after her and change plans and you shouldn't be so sneery about her wanting the heating on. And I say that as someone who usually only puts the heating on low for about 8-12 weeks per year.
If anything living in a modern home may mean its poorly insulted and built.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 12:48

Pootles yes...not for my entire childhood but yes...we had a gas fire which got broken, then it was never repaired. The central heating was simply never turned on. There was ice on the inside of the windows during winter.

It improved later...but this was the 1970s when there was a LOT of poverty about. We had food, clothes, shoes and a good childhood but it was cold. We washed with kettles of hot water in a big bowl standing up.

Slept with hats on.

Maybe it damaged her more than me and now she can't BEAR to be without heat?

OP posts:

sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 12:50

Sliceofsoup - I agree, it is not wrong for the OP's sister to ask for help, but it is wrong for her to get the arse with the OP because she can't miss her dental appointment.

I said as much in my post.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/02/2015 12:51

I'm sorry, sliceofsoup - I honestly misread your post - I should have been more careful.

sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 12:53

I grew up in the 90s in a house with no heating. There was a fire, and we had gas heaters in our teens. It was draughty and the roof leaked and there were icicles inside every winter.

I would still expect my heating to be fixed asap now, and I wouldn't expect my children to be cold.

So while I agree with you generally OP, I really cannot see what your childhood has to do with this.

LittleBairn · 25/02/2015 12:56

MrsTawdry quite likely my mum spends way more than she can afford keeping her house at boiling point because she grew up in a very cold house and it reminds her of poverty.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 12:58

Slice because Pootles asked. I mentioned that we'd grown up with none to demonstrate that it won't see you off if you're healthy and fit. that's what it has to do with it.

OP posts:

okeydonkey · 25/02/2015 13:01

YANBU she sounds like my sisters

sliceofsoup · 25/02/2015 13:04

Sorry, I didn't realise someone had asked.

But still, there isn't really a correlation is there. People who grow up like that either don't mind being cold, hate it, or are just like other people and could cope if they had to but would rather not.

StarOnTheTree · 25/02/2015 13:12

SWNBU to ask

YWNBU to say no

Your comment about the heating was unreasonable and unnecessary. Just because you think no heating is not a big deal doesn't mean that other people feel the same way.

I'm sure if you'd just said sorry you can't it would have been fine.

Jessica147 · 25/02/2015 15:38

YAbothBU. She was unreasonable to expect you to cancel your appointment, and you were unreasonable to expect her to have no heating for two days with a toddler.

pilates · 25/02/2015 15:50

YWNBU.

My dentist you have to wait months for an appointment.

Mousefinkle · 25/02/2015 15:53

How ever did we cope in the days before central heating? . Two days without it is NOT the end of the world. Layer up, use thick blankets, put the fire on if there is one or get an electric heater if you really must. It's two frigging days, not two weeks! And it's only heating, it would be slightly different if it was hot water as well. Our boiler broke at the start of January a couple of years ago, the lack of hot water fucked us over far more than the heating...

Yanbu. She is definitely being precious, your dental work is far more important than her flat being slightly chillier than usual for a couple of days.

Lweji · 25/02/2015 16:53

When I stayed in my grandmother's house it was freezing cold. Even in Summer.
I survived, but I wouldn't want to repeat it ever again. I shook in bed to sleep. Brrr.
You are still not being unreasonable to say no.

neighbourhoodwitch · 25/02/2015 16:57

God no, it's her responsibility. would she ask friend the same as she asked you? !

HolgerDanske · 25/02/2015 19:33

I just want to make it clear: I don't at all think she was unreasonable to ask - I'm a single parent and I know how stressful, difficult and wearing it can be, and I'd never begrudge anyone the help of a friend or family - but she was v. Unreasonable to get very angry when you couldn't do it.

Secondly, of course it's not unreasonable to want to be warm and comfortable in one's home, esp if there are young children in the household. Yes back in the day it was quite normal to have icy windows and feel the freeze throughout the house, but I'm glad we have central heating now and I'm glad and very grateful that we have the luxury of not having to freeze on a regular basis. I was so, so glad when our boiler was fixed after that week, and I'm still thanking my lucky stars for modern conveniences every time I get home to a comfortably warm house.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 25/02/2015 20:57

Mouse that's what I mean I think. People had no heating for centuries! Back as late as the 60s central heating was not the norm at all and people seem afraid to let their DC experience discomfort in general.

It's just like the constant snacking whilst out and about....the worrying about them feeling cold for a while...these things aren't dangerous in small doses!

OP posts:

Charlie97 · 25/02/2015 21:52

As a child we had no central heating, one room was heated the living room. Bedrooms had net curtains stuck to them with the ice on the inside!

Síx children.......we ALL survived!

She's being unreasonable, entitled and quite honestly I would be telling her to sort her own third world problems out!

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