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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Friend and possible sex addiction

10 replies

Jenellissa · 25/02/2015 01:46

Concerns friend from school. We're 28. I'm growing increasingly concerned that all is not as it should be although i have always had a sneaky suspicion but guess i thought she'd grow out of it.

Shes always been a bad drunk - gets v drunk v easily, can be a bit rude to barstaff etc and is v flirtatious. Makes a huge show of herself as she is always much drunker than everyone else. She highly embarrassed me with odd inappropriate tales of sexual exploits at my recent birthday party and friends thought she was a bit insane when they met her for the first time.

She and i havent lived in the same town since school until v recently and we now live 15 mins away from each other in a big city so i see more of her and i feel that she is still the same character as she was at 19. She is quite insecure and makes passing comments about worrying about never meeting someone. I am increasingly concerned that she may have a sex addiction. Reasons as follows:

  • makes outrageously inappropriate comments about sex to people she doesnt know well. At my birthday party she shreiked at two of my friends who she only met for the first time that "they weregoing to fu ck in the carpark" in a chanty way, like the ki-ss-ing rhyme. They were friends and were bewildered by the comment and it was quite a joke at the party afterwards.
  • casually mentioned to me recently that she cannot be sure even to the nearest 50 in terms of how many men shes slept with and currently has multiple sexual partners she met on tinder. She admits to being addicted to it and is always on it. I worry becase she puts herself in a vulnerable position with strangers.

I could list countless things but wont for now in the interest of this post getting too long. I am seeing her on fri night and i am tempted to air my concerns but dont wish to come across smug and condescending. Aibu? Please tell me if i am. But serious alarm bells have been ringing lately and i regret never having said anything before. Maybe i am just a prude.

OP posts:
Qwebec · 25/02/2015 02:42

It's not easy being in this position. I'm not in the UK but maybe someone can suggest an organisation that you could call for help how to takle this. You can't make her get help if she dose not see a problem in her ways. Maybe you could ask her how she feels about it? Offer her an opportunity to open up.

She is lucky to have you as a friend.

EstRusMum · 25/02/2015 03:38

As long as she is using protection, she should be fine. And even if she isn't, it's none of your business really. I understand that you mean well, but this is other persons sex life and shouldn't be criticised or discussed on MN.

I think YABU.

however · 25/02/2015 04:07

Sounds more like she has a problem with alcohol.

fizzycolagurlie · 25/02/2015 04:17

She doesn't sound like a sex addict at all. She sounds like a drunk with low self-esteem issues.

mortil2 · 25/02/2015 04:28

I agree with however, it sounds like she has a big problem with alcohol
Perhaps fed by insecurity

WhyHasTheGinGone · 25/02/2015 06:08

I echo the above. If she has a problem it sounds like it is with alcohol not sex. Her sex life is entirely her own business and if you don't feel comfortable when she brings it up then just tell her. She could be having sex with several people a night and if she's happy with that arrangement and is being safe then why should anyone judge her for it.

Maybe it is due to self esteem issues as PPs have said, so you could always have a chat to her about that, but if you come at it from a 'you're sleeping around too much' angle then it isn't going to help anyone and it will detract from the real issues.

Chanting that people are about to fuck on the carpet doesn't happen because you're a sex addict. It happens because you're drunk and attention seeking.

Jenellissa · 25/02/2015 08:31

Thanks everyone. I appreciate those who say iabu but she is very obviously behaving differently. The last couple of occasions we have met, she has been quite sarcy about my friends and saying she didnt like them as she felt they werent friendly towards her. The truth is that she was insane. It really took a lot of will power not to say, "well you are a very acquired taste when drunk to be fair", but didnt. She will no doubt say something along those lines on fri - if she does, should i say something like that? Might lead on to other matters better.

OP posts:
ChipDip · 25/02/2015 08:37

Honestly I would distance myself from her. She seems like a bad drunk and a nightmare to be around.

MrsWolowitz · 25/02/2015 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucieHMumsnet · 25/02/2015 10:46

Hello,

We've got reasons to believe the OP isn't genuine so are zapping this thread.

Thank you.
Lucie
MNHQ

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