AIBU to not want hubby to constantly take my child out of nursery/preschool

[pipsqueak77]

Just need a bit of perspective on this one I think. It's something my husband and I can't agree on, it's causing arguments and atm I'm livid with him.
My son goes to nursery 3 days a week and is about to begin prechool (within the same nursery). I love how nursery has brought him on in terms of social skills etc and even if I didn't have to work I definitely feel it important for him to attend some kind of nursery/preschool setting to learn how to share, interact, etc etc.
We pay £52 per day for the nursery and I'm constantly fighting a battle with my husband as he constantly wants to take him out of nursery to see his Grandma (who lives very local and can see him ANYTIME she wishes). I hate this as I feel our £52 is wasted, I feel he misses out on important social development and I don't want my son to get used to coming out of preschool just after lunch. I believe nursery and preschool are important in his development. He knows I feel strongly about this but just keeps getting him anyway. It drives me crazy. AIBU to be mad at hubby for randomly taking our son out of preschool at random times of the day?
It kind of follows on from another post I put on Mumsnet about our son staying over at his Grandma's house during the week (on a preschool night). Problem is, Grandma puts him to bed at 10pm, fills him full of sweets and is a crazily bad time keeper would never get him to preschool the next day (she's proved that with another of the grandkids). There are 4 other days and nights when Grandma could see our son - I just don't get why hubby is insisting he take him out of nursery when any of the other 4 days would be fine. He just doesn't see the benefits that nursery can have I guess but I'm fighting a losing battle.
AIBU?

You appear to be the unfortunate recipient of your H's inability to deal with his issues, this isn't your fault. If your H chooses not to co-operate, you can not redress the obvious imbalances in your relationship on your own

Get individual counselling, the walking on eggshells happens when you don't defend your own boundaries. Your marriage should not be an altar to sacrifice yourself and your children's childhood on.

I hate being right in these circumstances .

Gaslighting: trying to persuade someone to doubt their sanity.

Thanks everyone, good ideas, I'll try and repost on a relationship board. My post has kind of skewed from where it started. Been reading about gaslighting on the internet. It all does sound very familiar I might call relate just for me to help me deal with it a bit better (I've never been a pushover, it's almost embarrassing to read back what I've typed on this thread cos I sound like a doormat some of the time. Maybe I've tried too hard to keep the peace for the sake of DS and bump and my sanity!)
Thanks kittymum, virtual flowers are just as good

From what you have said, I think you need to call in some help and support asap. You will be so much more vulnerable to this sort of treatment when you have two small children and a barrel load of sleep deprivation to deal with. It may help to form an exit plan and discuss with a trusted member of your family before the baby is born in case things deteriorate.

Is he receptive at all to a conversation about doing more domestically? If you feel that's not even something that you can broach with him then I think you have some fairly big marital difficulties.

I'm no expert [at all] but I think it may help now that you recognise what he is doing? To be able to calmly point out that he is behaving in an unreasonable manner may infuriate him at the time but provided that you don't feel that it will cause you any physical risk to do so, I think it might be slightly helpful to be consistent in pointing out a pattern so he becomes aware of it?

But like I said, I'm no expert and there are much more experienced people on the Relationships boards.

I disagree, when you say pre school I assume what you actually mean is the ore school room in a private nursery.
If you so and your ds attends three full days then I don't think his dad picking him up at 2pm once a week is a bad thing.
Would you rather your ds remained in childcare for three full days rather than being with a parent?

Soon this is about so much more than whether the child is being picked up early or not.

If your marriage is a warm sunny place then (if it were me) I would let it go - there is plenty of time later in life when this won't be an option and DS will be tied to school.

If DH is doing it to wind you up, I would still forget about the nursery thing and focus on sorting out why your DH is doing something deliberately to annoy you.
Either way, I thing taking DS out is a non-issue.