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Original poster

To wish I had been stricter in regards to dds and food

43 replies

Littleonesgettingbigger · 24/02/2015 12:27

My dds are 5 and 1. At mealtimes I present them with a healthy meal, they rarely eat all of it, just pick the bits off the plate they like (eg 1 year old only eat the cucumber off her plate last night and 5 year old only ate the chicken. I then take there plates away without commenting and ask if they would like a piece of fruit or a yogurt for pudding. Then approx one hour later they start asking for snacks Sad my mil said to me in her day it was if you are too full for your dinner then you are too full for pudding. I used to prefer my way of doing it as it was stress free and at least they ate a yogurt or fruit, but now they have started asking for snacks which I refuse but the 5 year old is always complaining she is hungry. I wish I had gone down the no pudding route if main is not eaten. Is it to late to change my rules? I am fed up of throwing food away, but on the other hand this will mean my 1 year old will never get pudding of fruit or yogurt as she never eats much main anymore!

OP posts:
swampster · 24/02/2015 12:30

Try putting their healthy meal in front of them again every time they ask for a snack?

SavoyCabbage · 24/02/2015 12:31

It's not too late if that's what you want to do. Mine are good eaters and that's what I do. In a 'if you are still hungry then you better have some yogurt' sort of way rather than a 'you can't eat this till you eat that' way.

SavoyCabbage · 24/02/2015 12:32

And I don't do snacks at all.

ChipDip · 24/02/2015 12:34

Why are you taking their plates away without saying a word. This is where it's going wrong. You're also giving them the message that it's ok to be choose what they want to eat because later on you will be giving them snacks which they probably like too. Give them the same uneaten meal again when they ask for a snack till they understand that they eventually will have to eat their dinner.

SavoyCabbage · 24/02/2015 12:34

Whoops, pressed to soon....

I don't give them snacks except after swimming or something like that. If they say they are hungry then I would start on the next meal but they don't usually.

Purplepoodle · 24/02/2015 12:34

I don't the same but I keep healthy meal that's left over for about 2 hours. If they ask for snacks they have the option to finish the meal they left.

Guiltismymaster · 24/02/2015 12:37

It's not too late, OP. Just have a chat with 5 year old to explain the new rules and then stand firm, star charts etc.

If our DS doesn't eat lunch then I might give him an apple, but that's it then. If he says he's hungry I offer lunch again. With dinner he doesn't need it so we don't give him an alternative.
The exception would be if we've tried something new or a bit exotic, he's tried some and doesn't like it then I would offer something else.

This really turned things around for us.

adarkwhisperinthewoodwasheard · 24/02/2015 12:41

Ds was a good eater but dd (21mth) is much fussier. We have a rule that she has to eat some of everything before pudding - yoghurt or whatever. We show her the dessert and then say "5 mouthfuls of main first" or however arbitrary we're feeling. We'll work up to clean plates. I've also started putting less on her plate for mains too so she's not overwhelmed by disgusting real food.

Original poster
Littleonesgettingbigger · 24/02/2015 12:44

That's what I worry about I often try new recipes or something may turn out a bit too spicy! I guess I need to think more carefully about what I am feeding them so I know that it's something they like

OP posts:
Littlef00t · 24/02/2015 12:46

I think its the snacks that are the issue rather than the pudding. I would save the main course for later and offer again if they are hungry. Its important they are getting the goodness from the puddings so I wouldn't want them to become dependant.

cogitosum · 24/02/2015 12:47

I really wouldn't link reward charts to food.

Try giving the yoghurt and fruit with their meal rather than after so they don't have the association of pudding after main.

Stripyhoglets · 24/02/2015 12:51

I used to keep the plate of food for DD so she could have a bit more if she needed it later when she had a micro appetite at mealtimes. It saved some wastage and meant she was never forced to finish if full.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/02/2015 12:51

Our expectations are for DD (5) to eat without making a fuss. I don't want to hear she doesn't like it or things like that.

She's allowed to eat around things she doesn't like but she doesn't get pudding if she's not tried everything. However she doesn't get anything further after the meal regardless of how much she's eaten. We always have enough for her to be full if she wants to eat more. She gets the stock response that she should have eaten more dinner. I don't keep cold meals to offer, it goes in the bin and tough luck, you eat at meal times in our house or not at all.

If we're giving her something she's not had before, then we usually have a back up (like plain pasta/rice, bread & butter, extra veg etc) to supplement.

DD eats a great range of food but still tries it on, especially with PIL who will bow to her bargaining.

NynaevesSister · 24/02/2015 12:55

I have a hugely fussy/restrictive eater. But if he can't finish his dinner or lunch or just doesn't want to then it is covered and put to one side and when he is hungry later he has to finish it.

mousmous · 24/02/2015 12:55

I sometimes keep the plate back.
if dc say they are hungry I offer that.

Fresh01 · 24/02/2015 13:00

If you are having something new can you not have that on the plate with some plain - rice or pasta or potatoes and some different sorts of veg. So even if they don't like the new thing there is still plenty for them to eat.

jalopyjane · 24/02/2015 13:00

I think what you're doing sounds pretty much ok to be honest. The only change I'd make would be to introduce a rule for the 5 year old that she needs to at least try everything on her plate.

What they have to eat on a typical day? Do they for example fill up on a.particularly large portion of breakfast Cereal? Do you know what your 5yo's eating is like at school?

herethereandeverywhere · 24/02/2015 13:01

Watching with interest. DD2 (age 3) is like this. She refused her evening meal a replacement meal and the offer of 'just toast then' last night....then woke at 3am crying that her tummy was hungry Sad. eventually settled after a big drink of milk but was awake for 2 hours in total

How do you make them eat - something?

MaryWestmacott · 24/02/2015 13:02

we brought in a rule that "pudding was just extra food if you are still hungry after finishing your dinner. If you are still hungry without finishing your dinner, then you have to eat that first." Warning that they'll be no snacks later too. We did this when DS was 3.5, DD is still only 20 months and we aren't as strict with her, mainly because she wouldn't understand what we were saying yet...

I have reheated food later on for them. One thing that's important though, look at how much you are serving them, serve less, including less of the bits you know they'll like (eg DS loves meat, so would eat all of that then be 'too full' to eat veggies, serving a bit less of everything with a promise of seconds if they want more is a better way to go), so eating everything isn't so daunting.

thewavesofthesea · 24/02/2015 13:04

Try giving things like sticks of pepper, cucumber etc when they say they are hungry? Will be tricky with 5 y o to change the rules, but you are the adult and can do it if needed. The one year old will be more malleable (as I discovered when we decided to ban juice at home except one cup at tea time; my younger one didn't mind but my older one did!!) My boys eat most things, the rule has been if you don't eat it, you don't eat (as long as I know they like it; they are allowed not to like things!!) and if you are too full for mains you are too full for pudding (usually a yoghurt); however I don't make them clear their plate if they have made a reasonable attempt and at least tried new things.

You are in control and you know what is best for them.

jalopyjane · 24/02/2015 13:04

And no, it's absolutely not too late to change the rules :)

One other question: do either of them drink a.lot of fruit juice / milk / squash?

peppapigonaloop · 24/02/2015 13:08

Just give them back their dinner every time they ask for more food. Don't give them any other snacks.

I do let mine have their yoghurt and fruit though but nothing else if they are still hungry they get their dinner again..

minibmw2010 · 24/02/2015 13:13

My DS (3.5) can be very fussy and I've had to be hardcore to get to the stage we are at now which is where he will eat most of what's on his plate. I give small portions as he's just not that interested in food. But if he didn't eat or give his dinner (and it's always dinner ?!?) a good try there was certainly no offer of yoghurt/pudding anything else so he knew eventually he had to play ball and now he does, phew.

WorraLiberty · 24/02/2015 13:17

Why do you take it away without commenting?

What do you think will happen if you say, "Come on now DD, why not try to eat a little more of this/that?"

I certainly wouldn't be happy if I cooked a dinner and my kids picked it about and were hungry an hour later.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging children to eat what you've given them. It's not like you're forcing them to clear their plates.

Frikadellen · 24/02/2015 13:19

Make dessert something you have at weekends. Get your dds involved with what to pick. It is perfectly acceptable to learn some foods we eat less of as they are not as healthy to eat. So taking them away mon to fri will mean they know nothing further is available and you do not need to worry dd2 wont ever have these foods and nor will they be sat waiting for the "good" part