To wish I had been stricter in regards to dds and food

[Littleonesgettingbigger]

My dds are 5 and 1. At mealtimes I present them with a healthy meal, they rarely eat all of it, just pick the bits off the plate they like (eg 1 year old only eat the cucumber off her plate last night and 5 year old only ate the chicken. I then take there plates away without commenting and ask if they would like a piece of fruit or a yogurt for pudding. Then approx one hour later they start asking for snacks my mil said to me in her day it was if you are too full for your dinner then you are too full for pudding. I used to prefer my way of doing it as it was stress free and at least they ate a yogurt or fruit, but now they have started asking for snacks which I refuse but the 5 year old is always complaining she is hungry. I wish I had gone down the no pudding route if main is not eaten. Is it to late to change my rules? I am fed up of throwing food away, but on the other hand this will mean my 1 year old will never get pudding of fruit or yogurt as she never eats much main anymore!

I would see yoghurt or fruit as an integral part of the meal, and not a "treat" to withold if they don't eat their main. The 1 year old is probably too young to negotiate with, but you can remind your 5 year old that the meal you have provided is all that's available, and if she's hungry later it will be brought out again. With snacks, some kids need them, but the key thing is to make them no more appealing than ordinary food. I give my ds leftovers from the fridge or cubes of cheese at snack time.

As someone who had an eating disorder in the past, I think it's really important not to use food as a bargaining tool. It should be a thing that everyone enjoys, is part of the social occasion of a meal, and not a thing that we're all getting upset and stressed about.

I always bring my children and minded children's lunch if they're hungry.

I give them nice, child friendly meals. Nothing they absolutely hate. I give small snacks at 9 and 3 to keep them going. Most of the time they'll finish most of their food the second time around.

With lunches, i'll give them 'pudding' with their main meal. So they'll have sandwiches, crackers, cheese, cucumber pepper etc on their plate as well as some chopped up fruit or a little bowl of yoghurt. That way they eat a balanced meal without even having to bring up the word 'pudding'. They can eat it in whatever order they like, but if they ask for food an hour later, they'll get the plate back and they can eat what they didn't finish.

Works well for us.

*lunch back.

Why throw the left dinner away? keep that covered and offer that again if they say they're hungry a while after dinner, no snacks, no pudding or that's what they're holding out for

you can change the rules whenever you like, you're the parent :)

Do your kids, or at least the older one, eat a reasonably balanced diet over the course of a week?

If so then the issue isn't what they do or don't eat at mealtimes, but hunger between meals. For the older one just stick to fixed mealtimes with one snack a day and if she gets hungry in between that's tough, she'll eat more at the next meal.

You're actually doing it right, getting into fights about food is often very counterproductive (especially with very young children). I tried too hard with my DD when she was small and ended up with a child who refused all food ... We were advised to do exactly what you're doing and that she would eventually widen her diet - which she did. She is a very good eater now.

There comes a point when you do have to insist (my 12 year old is capable of not eating his dinner then trying to sneak snacks later - which is obviously not on) but 1 certainty isn't it.

dp was more of the school of thought that they could eat what he had put out and I hated it it dragged on and caused endless arguments so now we will see if they've had a good attempt then let things be left but I remind them there is nothing else after. You could still do this if you wanted too I don't think they are too old for the rules to change. I think the dc have far too many snacks so have started to say yoghurt or fruit if they ask for snacks, it's worked well because now they aren't eating for the sake of having a snack and it means my packed lunch things for school don't run out by mid week.

I actually think healthy snacks, little and often are fine. Children are natural grazers. I tend to look on mealtimes as a bit of a social event. Eating a little or a lot is just part of it, eating together builds health habits for the future. Unfortunately DH tends not to agree...

I would not throw an unfinished meal away but would do what others have suggested - offer the meal again if they say they are hungry later. I would also say there is nothing else.
If a child is really hungry, they would eat it. If not - they are just being picky and wanting to have what they fancy.

I would have snack time (mid morning and mid afternoon) and make it predictable eg anything from the fruit bowl.

Any other time, it's not snack time. I do offer to make a bit of the next meal early if they're are desperate eg cook some peas and they can nibble on those while the cottage pie heats up. And after swimming or a bike ride I might well offer a crumpet or something as well as fruit.

At meal times I serve up, they either eat or don't - no comment. If they want more, they need to have finished everything on their plate (with exceptions for new foods and long time disliked foods). That way, they either eat a little and are truly not hungry, or they eat a balanced meal and then get more of their favourite bits.

Oh, and I just don't do puddings.

I would make the meals smaller and cut out the pudding, then have another small meal so have breakfast, lunch, tea and supper all small healthy meals no pudding, and maybe even another healthy snack or two if they are hungry but make it something healthy like veg sticks or cheese, then as someone said do a nice fun pudding once or twice a week, maybe at weekends.

No snacks. At five and one is not to late

DD gets puddings at school (after Sunday lunch at home only) but if they don't make a good attempt at lunch then pudding is some sort of cheese option only. (She's 4 so a little light on details but I gather port isn't offered )

Are your children eating their main meal too late perhaps? My 2yo will eat a far better meal at 12 than at 5.

Not sure how it can be too late to change things for a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be offering dessert if the only thing touched was a cucumber stick. As mentioned I'd be re-offering dinner.

I'd start to give them it back. Children are born to graze not eat all at once but we over ride this with our clean plate & pudding obsession. The eating section of the ToddlerCalm book would be worth a read.

Please do not use sticker charts for food unless you want them to learn to keep eating even when not hungry.

YANBU. I don't do pudding anyway at dinner-time as they have fruit and yoghurt in their lunch boxes. Definitely don't hand out snacks an hour after meals if they didn't eat properly.

We have an eat it or leave it policy here. Works for us.

The reward chart is not for eating all of his food. He doesn't have to and he tells me when he's full.
It's more to do with behaviour like sitting at the table or trying something new which in turn means he eats well. It's not necessary any more because he does all of those things now without it.
I think it's fine to link meals to rewards personally.

mynameissecret interesting about the grazing. I'm a grazer and hopefully a fairly healthy one. I was never forced to clear my plate and can 'pick' all day. As a family we don't have huge meals and we never have puddings. That doesn't mean we don't have sweet treats! I fed my children doughnuts in lieu of an evening meal last night (jolly poor show I know )
If you regularly serve up a pudding after a main might it make the main course seem like its something to be endured before getting down to the fun stuff?
There is nothing wrong with snacking all day as long as its not all crap, balances out food group wise and gives enough calories. Choose your battles.

Could you involve the 5yr old in decisions or preparations?

Should we have peas or cucumber tonight?
Could you please be my big helper and set the table

Feeling like they have a say could help change attitude towards dinner? Ok they would choose something like pizza with pizza on the side if given free reign but give choice between 2 veggies for example makes little difference to you and they are still getting their veg but they feel happier because they chose it