im so annoyed fertillty issues rela

[presario1]

i was given a more of less a one free go on ivf with my partner he has severe mobility issues and low sperm count im not ovalting as i havent lost enough weight i weigh around 16 stone. i dont get periods plus i have low progestrone.
we had an appointment today and all he had to do and fuflil his job in the cup and get it tested before my appointment on this week. He couldnt do it and to makes matter worse my appointment with the feritlly dr is this week and no i havent lost enough weight either.
i cant cope anymore i feel like ffuckign him out i dont know what to do ?all i could do is say im sick as i cant face them
he is due some serious money soon and he reckons he pay at least 10 k for a proper go of ivf with doner sperm with just us knowing that the child would be !ours) i told him i havent got it and im nearly 33 and honestly it could be another year down the road.. i just dont know anymore feel like dumping him

by the way the clinic which are we attending dont offer donor services

It sounds like you both need to take this more seriously. You both need to be committed to attend appointments, lose weight and do whatever you need to do to have the best chance of success

And do you both want to be parents together, to this child?

yes of course you see last year he had a bad accident
but know he is fine but i pushed for this thinking this is a great opportunity for this and for u.
s and honestly i just dont know what to do i love children i love them i cant imagine having a life not with them. he loves children too. now i have to ring them and say look im not well knowing its his fault i cant even face them

Rather then go all guns blazing, I would have a sit down with him and find out if he is still committed to the idea. As another poster said, it sounds that both of you require a bit more commitment to the process.

I wish you all the best, and don't worry, you are still young.

Cheers!

thanks i have done that today,. and honestly you want to hear his reasons first of all he says he wants a child badly. now i do beleve that but who knows know second of all i have to lose the weight and thirdly he said he pay for doner ivf and least this way he doesnt have to that job or other option me have a one night stand maybe

Sorry, have you been told that you will only be allowed the treatment at a certain weight? And you haven't reached that weight yet? If that's right, then it isn't totally your DP's fault that nothing can happen this week is it?

Could you both use the next few months to concentrate on tackling whatever health issues you possibly can, and then have another proper go at IVF when you have the money? You may even find that weight loss makes you start ovulating naturally again. And 33 is really not so old .

well i was 119 kgs and now im just under 100 kgs i need to be least 70-80 kgs so im doing my best but its hard and with his messing its pushing us futher down the line he be 44 this year so i dont want him nearly 50 and a baby on the way i dont know anymore all i know im being faced with an impossible choice by the way im irish if i was on the nhs i would be given 3 rounds it be another year and another year and before you know i be nearly 40 and him 50 and i always said it i dont want children past 40 so i have told him i not ready to put our baby plans on hold anymore and im not waiting an year or more for his money to come through so he asked to ask anyone that can 'help' us and if i have to seek 'help' elsewhere than i should do that but honestly i dont know he is cultching at straws and he trying to keep me but i dont know anyone after him peforming like a baby i just feel so embarrsed and angry

You sound really harsh on him. Not everyone can orgasm on cue. You certainly don't sound like you are in this for the long haul more to just get a baby. I can't believe you are even considering a one night stand to get pregnant. Is that a joke?

no that is wrong i do love him. he has issues like that the last time he had to do a sperm sample it took at least 5 times to get it right he was a bit funny during the week we had to ahem before a few days and he couldnt get in the mood spend all day to do it.
we had a long talk tonight he told me to lose weight and it will take a while before his claim money to come through so instead of waiting another year ish that he first reason was to ask my brother in law for 'help; but i cant as his children will be first cousins and half brothers so he told me tonight that once i lose weight i have his permission to do the 'deed' it was our first and only discussion however i dont think it be an option as i have only ever slept with 2 dps and i was quite late in age to 'lose ' it i was 26

So if he gives you permission to do the 'deed', would some unsuspecting guy become a father to your child? What if he wants a relationship with the child? Or would you just not tell him? This is someone else's life you're talking about.

I think you should wait, lose the weight, and as someone said upthread, you might find you begin ovulating again and you and your partner can conceive naturally. You have time at 33.

You both need a good bang around the head to see sense.

He can't ehaculate into a cup and you can't lose weight but you think it's fine to get pregnant on purpose by a stranger and screw their life up for them?

Really?

You need to consider whether you should be having children if that's the case.

Regulated sperm donation, or a willing friend but an unsuspecting man, never.

Oh and the nhs wouldn't give you three free rounds. Here you would get none because of your weight. Some places you might get one.

i have no idea about that like i said it was the first time either of us ever broaching the subject it makes me feel uncomfortable. i mean can you really expect man to take on other mans child. i wouldnt have clue about the unsuspecting father if i was going to do in a different town or clear off when i find out im pregnant like im said im not sure i just feel perhaps he is messing me around and another promise out the window. i just airing on this as i feel i couldnt never had that sort of discussion with other ppl at this present moment. his mobility is at 2 per cent but it was about 10 per cent at the last sample he had a childhood accident i think which is why he cant have kids naturally. as for his family genetics i heard that is dad isnt his dad after all his mother had an affair years back when his father was in the army long tours get lonely his brother is adoped and his other brother isnt very nice at all he has no kids
if im being honest would chances have disabled child greater more of because of its poor sperm mobility i wouldnt not know im sure it will be intersted research. im not ready to have a life of childness its fine for now to do what you want and take off. but in 10 years time will i fill it with regret possibly yes and then im so resentful and take it out on him. and whos to say will either be here in 10 years time.

Even if you 'clear off' when you're pregnant, there are consequences though. The child will grow up not knowing who their biological father is - are you prepared to explain that to them? You don't know the background of the person who is fathering the child which means you don't know whether there are any genetic issues but more importantly you don't know if there is a risk of STDs so you could be putting yourself and the child at risk. you need to scrap that whole plan, it is reckless and selfish tbh.

I haven't heard that disabilities are related to low sperm mobility, can't see how that would be the case. But if you are worried about that, why haven't you raised that concern with one of the fertility experts?

You shouldn't have a child now, in these circumstances, just because you think you might regret it if you don't. You are bringing a new life into the world and that child has to be the main concern.

I think you need to reconsider your life completely. Either you both want to make the effort for IVF or you don't.

But to consider a one night stand is just totally irresponsible and quite honestly makes you an unfit parent from conception.

Erm, just because you pay for something, it doesn't make it "a proper go". There are reasons why criteria are in place. The heavier you are the harder it is to adequately stimulate your ovaries. If it's difficult to stimulate your ovaries then your eggs won't be as good quality. If your eggs aren't as good quality then, donor sperm or no donor sperm, the chances are that any potential embryos won't be as good as they could be. And that's just looking at quality - you need to look at quantity too.

At 33 you have got time on your side to lose weight, for him to "do his thing" and for you both to make every effort to be as fit and healthy as possible.

And if you think that procuring donor sperm is easy then tbh you can think again. There is a massive, massive shortage in the UK - an awful lot is imported. If his motility is sufficient then you will have just as good a chance of conceiving with ICSI as you would with IVF. In which case, why would you even consider donor sperm?

You need to take a step back. You need to decide whether having a child is important enough for you to bust a fucking gut, lose weight, discuss options with DP and stop going off on tangents. It is hard. I can't pretend otherwise. Physically, emotionally, mentally - and financially, even if you do qualify for nhs funding. To say it is a roller coaster is one of the biggest under statements ever.

Do what you need to do, have discussions with the experts, take their advice. Thinking about donor sperm and affairs and "proper goes" is a complete waste of energy and does nothing but add to your list of unanswered questions. Talk to DP as a priority, decide what you want to do and get yourselves into the strongest position you can.

by the way im irish if i was on the nhs i would be given 3 rounds

Not true. That is what NICE advise but very few places have the money to fund it. In the area where I work you get one cycle, if you are under 39, with a BMI of under 30, neither of you smoke or have a living child and various other criteria.

He would prefer to use a do or rather than just provide one sample of his own ?!? You should still go to the appointment. Let them see you are loosing weight. All that will happen is they'll probably say some back in 6 months and we'll start then. You won't lose your chance if you do what they ask.

In one trust in my county they no longer fund IVF at all.

If you found yourself seriously considering donor sperm there are much better ways than one night stands. You can import frozen from Cryos or find a willing donor through various websites who will do it in a cup and you can do home insemination. If you do the latter, make sure you research the safety aspects and ignore men who offer 'natural insemination', they are just online pervs looking for a free shag. Even if you used a friend or family member you don't have sex with them, you inseminate.

However, none of that will work until you lose weight and have regular ovulation. I had very regular ovulation and it was still difficult to work out when to time inseminations. A one night stand is likely not to work, it is rare to have sex once and fall pregnant.

I second the forum Fertility Friends, there's sections for all Fertility treatments, it's very active, a lot of support and advice to be had. Have a good read on there then ask questions, people are very helpful.

You both do not sound like parents in the making at all! You sound very caught up In he idea of having a baby, but not really what good parents are about. Read back your posts, you and your dp have huge issues needing to be resolved. A baby should be the last thing to bring into this.

ok im not on the nhs i prevousley stated that im irish and i was offered one free go on ivf but they dont offer donor sperm as i recently found out doesnt go with their practices. they usually refer you to another clinic for that yes that does concern me for stds, like i said im try just trying to get my head about that about everything.

the reason why i mentioned ivf on the nhs as my cousin was offered 2 rounds and currently undergoing her third that is all. i have no knowledge i dont know i just cancelled it now i feel sick. i have a friend who has a young child desperatley want a second and have to go ivf and she would kill for a chance one free go she is not egible for that because she has one child i feel so so so sos o sick and i never told that i can have one go i cant beleive i put so much effort in and this is the result feel absoulte shite as for the other thing hmmmm not sure i have to really decide if he is worth or not and i think he is clutching at straws and desperate not to loose me but i dont know i love him dearly but how and how much?

If your DP has motile sperm then it may be preferable to have ICSI rather than donor sperm. The chances of pregnancy are good. Donor sperm should be a last resort.

Donor sperm and the risk of std is a non issue - donor sperm is carefully screened.

STDs are only an issue if you "use" an unregulated sperm source (eg Dtd with someone else).

But for the love of God, why would you even consider Dtd with someone else for conception purposes when there are other options available to you? I'm sorry but I find it completely non sensical. Either you want a dc with your partner or you don't. From what you've said in your posts, you don't even seem that sure about your partner, which begs the question why are you together?