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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To phone DH work and ask his boss for leave.

74 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/02/2015 22:52

As a suprise for DH, dd and Ds birthday ( all within a fortnight of each other) I'm planning a suprise weekend away.

Just paid the deposit, but I need DH to have the Friday and Monday off.

I have booked it at a quite time of the year for DH works. Would I be able to ring his boss and ask for the time off in secret or is this against employment laws.

OP posts:

maggiethemagpie · 24/02/2015 18:15

I work in HR and once had a boyfriend call to ask if he could take his partner away and book some of her leave off. I just put it to the manager who authorised it. It wasn't a problem. I thought it was a lovely idea. Why has my partner never done this for me?

MarshaBrady · 24/02/2015 18:18

How does it work for the dh?

Does he know in advance - otherwise how can he plan meetings and deadlines?

ElmerRocks · 24/02/2015 18:27

Marsha In our case, DH boss had him scheduled for 'meetings' all day on the first day, and then a conference call the next etc. As he took all bookings from clients and then divided them between himself and DH, it wasn't too difficult to tell all clients it would be him doing the work rather than DH, but he wrote it all on DHs list of things to do. So DH thought he had a full week of work sorted, when actually boss had sorted it all with the clients.
Both DHs jobs have been semi flexible, so it's never been a problem.

Again, as other PP have said, I think it depends on the nature of the job, what the boss is like etc.

Charlie97 · 24/02/2015 18:29

Go for it! Hope you have a lovely time!

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/02/2015 18:32

It's a few months away, DH doesnt have many meetings. About twice a year sometime 3.

January and September.

OP posts:

SocialMediaAddict · 24/02/2015 19:03

I did this for a surprise for my DH. It was a brilliant birthday.

bluelamp · 24/02/2015 19:16

I work for a big multinational and the boyfriend (now fiance!) of one of my line reports did this. I was happy to sign it off. For someone more senior it might be harder, as PPs say, the day before I'm on leave I'm running about like a mad thing getting things done and usually check my email every day when on holiday. But I suspect it's the kind of romantic gesture of young love, DH and I sit down in January to plan who is covering which days in the school holidays, no sponteneity left with three kids!

workadurka · 24/02/2015 20:38

I did this, I don't see how it's unprofessional as long as no pressure is put on the boss and it's done well in advance.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 24/02/2015 20:58

Excellent news OP. My mob would be OK, I think. But to avoid problems I slither out of the room when they mention making me permanent. I know they've reneged on booked holidays if there's a spike in volume.

carlywurly · 24/02/2015 21:29

We had this just last week at work. It was refused by a manager. As a poster above said, the contract is between the employee and employer and 3rd parties don't have the right to book leave on their behalf.

I thought it was a bit mean tbh

WD41 · 24/02/2015 21:34

I think it's really unprofessional and am surprised that so many employers actually allow a third party to book leave.

DonttouchthatLarry · 24/02/2015 22:03

I don't think it's unprofessional at all, what's the problem as long as the person isn't needed at work and would be allowed that time off if they asked themselves? I did it for my husband's 40th, I wanted to take him for a surprise long weekend away so needed the Friday and Monday. He would have known something was planned if I'd asked him to take holiday so I rang the HR dept and asked them to book it for him and tell his boss it was a surprise. It does depend on the job though - it would be more difficult with the job he has now. It wouldn't be at all difficult with my job - but he'd never in a million years think to do something like that!

workadurka · 24/02/2015 22:26

"A third party" - its his fucking wife!

Any company worth its salt recognises that they employ people, not machines, and I hope most people aren't complete killjoys unlike a load of posters here when it comes to enabling their staff to have nice surprises from their loved ones.

Iflyaway · 24/02/2015 22:33

Is he not able to ask for his own time off?

I would be mortified if anyone from my family went over my head and tried to organise by subterfuge my working relationship. That is so controlling.

Just discuss it in the family and agree on a suitable date for everyone.

mildlyacquiescent · 24/02/2015 22:40

I don't think it's unprofessional but I would be aghast if my husband did this.

I'd hate my boss knowing my own fucking business before I did!

Sweetoranges · 24/02/2015 22:44

IT'S a SURPRISE!!! Not control ffs!!!

workadurka · 24/02/2015 22:46

Exactly Sweetoranges! You sound like a barrel of laughs Iflyaway

ChillySundays · 24/02/2015 22:48

I would ask his boss then tell your DH you have booked a trip and the boss is ok about it. Still a surprise. I did this for my DH birthday one year. The trip was several months after his birthday so he had time to sort out work load but still a surprise when he opened the booking confirmation.

My DH also did it for me. Only he told me about the trip (not where though) as he didn't know about how to get me time off. I was in a job where you had to organise your own holiday cover so I told him to ring my boss and say surprise blah blah so boss would sort out cover. Everyone at work knew I was going away but thought I didn't know

Sweetoranges · 24/02/2015 22:51

When I did it I was fully prepared for dh's boss to say no for whatever reason. It was one day. He said yes. Dh was surprised but loved it.

Of course if I knew my dh hated surprises, his job or his boss, etc I would not even contemplate it. Nor if he was in the type of job that would not made it possible.

Iflyaway · 24/02/2015 22:55

Worka, I laugh enough thank you.

Happy to laugh my own independent way around the world

DonttouchthatLarry · 24/02/2015 23:33

note to self - never arrange birthday surprises for loved ones again as this is 'controlling and mortifying' and will surely result in DH being advised to 'LTB'

PintofCiderPlease · 25/02/2015 10:28

Wow, people are really getting their noses out of joint over this!

Sometimes its ok, sometimes its not. GENERALLY if you are in a loving relationship where you TALK to each other you will KNOW whether it's ok in your relationship.

DH knows not to pull these surprises on me, because I don't like them. I hate not knowing what to pack, I hate others packing for me, I hate certain types of trips. He tried to book a cruise holiday for the family, DSs are 5 and 7. Bollocks to that. No WAY was I letting my DSs lose on a freaking cruise ship, I'd be panicking the whole time that they were about to go over the edge and land in the water...... what a FUN way to spend a holiday . But he knew me well enough to CHECK with me first.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 25/02/2015 10:43

So true PintOfCider. In some professions it will be ok, in some it won't. Some people will be ok with it, some won't. OP has asked and it's been approved, all good! I wouldn't do it due to the profession DH is in, and I know he wouldn't appreciate it. In a different job/culture, maybe I would. No reason for anyone to get their knickers in a twist.

ElmerRocks · 25/02/2015 18:59

PintofCider has the measure of this.
I was relatively sure it would be okay with DH boss. I knew DH would like it, he has no issue with surprises.
DH couldn't have done this for me though, I was working a term time only job, and it was frowned upon to take time off during terms, as we had so much holiday (I'm not a teacher, I actually got holiday!) He could ask, and it would probably be approved, BUT I wouldn't appreciate it as I'd feel I couldn't get cover for any other time, like being sick etc. It would have made me feel uncomfortable.

He would have had to book a surprise for during school holidays instead.
I do like surprises, but so far I've never had a surprise party or anything

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