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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To phone DH work and ask his boss for leave.

74 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/02/2015 22:52

As a suprise for DH, dd and Ds birthday ( all within a fortnight of each other) I'm planning a suprise weekend away.

Just paid the deposit, but I need DH to have the Friday and Monday off.

I have booked it at a quite time of the year for DH works. Would I be able to ring his boss and ask for the time off in secret or is this against employment laws.

OP posts:

Nolim · 24/02/2015 11:04

Because the contract is between employer an employee. The employee's partner is a third party.

Quenelle · 24/02/2015 11:09

My friend and I did this once for our husbands. We arranged a surprise weekend away with all our friends.

DH works for a large company but I knew a couple of his colleagues well enough to send an email and sound them out. I wouldn't do it if he hadn't been there long and I wasn't familiar with them at all.

I left his birthday card next to the kettle, inside it said 'Come back to bed, love. You're not going to work today.'

Heels99 · 24/02/2015 11:18

It's not unprofessional to ask though, if they say no they say no, no harm done.

Nolim · 24/02/2015 11:23

Lets say for the sake of the argument that the employer really does not want to go for whatever reason. He hates the place or to fly or is saving his holiday for something else or whatever. His wife goes ahead and makes the arrangements. His boss doesnt know much about his personal life, doesnt need to know his holiday preferences. If the boss agrees then he is going against the employee's wishes without even knowing.

I am not saying this is the case for op. Just that it is not the bosses business to deal with a third party.

HiImBarryScott · 24/02/2015 11:26

I had this dilemma recently and decided not to contact the boss.

Instead I made up some school in service days and told DH I needed him to take 2 days off to look after the kids.

He hasn't twigged so far!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 11:26

I wouldn't but i don't even know his bosses name. He works in quite a cut throat, competitive environment and I wouldn't be sure how it would be received. If you know/have met his boss or if your DH has talked about him/her a lot and he/she sounds like a nice, flexible person then I would go for it.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 11:28

Also, I don't think DH would like to have 2 days off without his knowledge. He will have planned his workload around being in for those days and it might impact his projects and deadlines.

Nolim · 24/02/2015 11:30

Fair point heels. The liability is on the boss not the wife. Still i think that it could l look bad.

toots111 · 24/02/2015 11:32

The partner of someone in my team did this. I work in a big company. I didn't mind them contacting me and I said yes because it was fine and early enough in the year that they had loads of holiday. But I did feel a little like I couldn't say no because they had already booked the flights. If we had been busy I am not sure what I would have done. Personally, I would hate it if my husband did this to my boss. Mostly because I hate surprises.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 11:35

I definitely wouldn't pay a deposit without checking first.

Bearsinmotion · 24/02/2015 11:43

Totally depends on the work he does. It would put my boss in a very awkward position, as I am in meetings daily and he needs to plan around my absence. It would be easier for me to do this with Dp's boss.

stormtreader · 24/02/2015 11:46

I think HiImBarryScotts answer is the best - make up some important reason you need him to have those days off, that way he can plan his workload, rearrange any meetings etc - he wont be able to enjoy his holiday if he had a crucial deadline or meeting on the monday that he now wont make!

Jackiebrambles · 24/02/2015 11:54

I've always envied people who do this! Its a lovely way to do a surprise.

My DH's boss changes so regularly though I'd have no idea who to contact!
I could email his colleague to ask though so I'd do that if it was me.

I'd like the surprise if it was the other way round!

Babiecakes11 · 24/02/2015 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FinallyHere · 24/02/2015 15:09

Really don't see the point of surprises.

Looking forward and planning are parts of a holiday for me, so i would be sorry to miss out those parts. For what?

Nope, just don't get the point of surprises.

FinallyHere · 24/02/2015 15:11

Really don't see the point of surprises.

Looking forward and planning are parts of a holiday for me, so i would be sorry to miss out those parts. For what?

Nope, just don't get the point of surprises.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 15:12

Finally I've actually seen some research that says people get more enjoyment from the anticipation of a holiday/special event/trip than from the event itself. Will try and find it!

SoonToBeMrsB · 24/02/2015 15:16

I know someone whose partner did this, took her off to New York and proposed.

I think it's nice but I wouldn't like it done to me personally because I don't like surprises. Whenever I have annual leave the day before I go off is always a mad scramble to tie up loose ends and hand over tasks to my colleagues so I would panic if I was suddenly told I was off work.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 24/02/2015 15:28

DH did it for me once, twas my 50th birthday and I was a bit hmm about it, would not agree to a party and suggested we just go for a nice meal out. woke up on my birthday to a card inviting me for a morrocan meal, when I turned the page it said.... IN MORROCCO! he had booked us 4 days in marakesh leaving the next morning and had cleared it with my boss for 2 days off either side of the weekend, I was boss was thrilled at being part of the suprise so no not unprofessional IMO

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 15:32

I think whether it is unprofessional or not depends on the profession. I've just asked DH what he would think if I did this and he said he (and his boss) wouldn't be impressed. It would put his boss out as DH would be arranging meetings for those days and his boss would have to either monitor his diary and let the people he was meeting know in advance or they would be let down at the last minute which is massively unprofessional (unless in an unavoidable case such as sickness).

HootOnTheBeach · 24/02/2015 15:35

Depends on the culture of the company. Ours is quite relaxed and we even had a colleague's boyfriend rope in half the office to stage a proposal for her. It was really sweet and everyone had a great time celebrating. That being said, other more formal companies would be aghast at the mere mention of their employees having a life outside of work.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 24/02/2015 15:40

True Hoot, DH works in finance and it's hardly known for it's relaxed culture and flexibility!

ElmerRocks · 24/02/2015 16:37

I did it with my DH in his old job, it was a quiet business, just him and his boss at the time, and I was quite friendly with his boss at the time. I called and asked what he thought, and whether DH would be able to take the week off. All fine and sorted, would be a quiet time for them so not a problem.
New job I would do it in a heartbeat, and his boss/colleagues would help me plan and keep it all a secret. While it's a fairly big company, I am on first name basis with all colleagues (and their wives etc) and they are very close knit, therefore would be happy to help surprise one of their own.
More than enough people to cover his workload now if necessary and it's a fairly flexible job anyway.

ElmerRocks · 24/02/2015 16:38

I should add that when I asked DH old boss, I did it 6 months in advance, and didn't book anything until I got the all clear.

Original poster

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 24/02/2015 16:58

Well decided to phone and ask his boss, said the dates I was planning to book for but also that I haven't put a deposit down.

He said it's fine as around that time of the year the factory is quiet.

So bring on the holiday, I will get everything packed on my own.

OP posts:

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