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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD have a morning off school to go to toddler group with her siblings?

51 replies

AlmondAmy · 23/02/2015 17:58

DD is 7 and her father and I are separated. He hates my partner (of 6 years) and does his best to make DD feel excluded from our family by saying DP loves her siblings but not her etc. She has returned from tea with him really glum because he's been saying similar nasty things about how her siblings are more important to me because they are DPs.

Her siblings go to toddler group tomorrow and her sister always tells her all about it, makes her pictures and so on. DD has said many times how she wishes she could go with her just once to play with her and see what it's like. She has never asked for a day off school and loves school but would absolutely love it if I said she could come just once and I think it'd really help her feel more included.

Aibu to let her have the morning off to come along?

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 23/02/2015 18:01

Yabu, they've just had a week off!

Pyjamaramadrama · 23/02/2015 18:01

I think it's really alarming that her dad is emotionally abusing her.

I'm not sure what to think to the day off school, could you not take her in the school holidays?

I think that what really needs addressing is the vile things that her 'dad' is saying.

FourAndDone · 23/02/2015 18:03

Just do it, say she's got a doc appointment. One days not hurting anyone.Smile

Sirzy · 23/02/2015 18:03

You need to tackle the issue with her dad but not by letting her have random time off school.

Surely you have just had half term?

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 23/02/2015 18:04

Poor DD. Her father is being really cruel.

But no, I wouldnt do what you are suggesting. Can't you do things as a family at other times (I'm sure you already do).

Could you get out old photos of her at toddler group or whatever when it was just you and she? Fish out old drawings you may have kept? Let her know that she has always been special, and now she is your big girl at school.

How about you and she doing a special art project for the younger siblings? Eg make a snakes and ladders board to play all togrther or a collage of family photos?

Can you tackle ex about this?

FleurdeHeadLice · 23/02/2015 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 23/02/2015 18:05

my problem would be setting the precedent, she'd want to go every time for now on! Hope you sort it out okay.

Quietattheback · 23/02/2015 18:06

I would. Your child's emotional and physiological health are as, if not more important than academics.

She can easily catch up on a mornings work but the kind of wounding that is feeling 'less than' and unloved can last a life time.

jacla40 · 23/02/2015 18:07

Would she be allowed to attend the group? At ours we weren't insured for school age children.

YouAreMyRain · 23/02/2015 18:08

I don't know of any toddler groups that allow school age children. Imagine the disappointment if you are asked to leave.
Also, what if she goes back to school and tells people where she has been? Are you expecting her to lie?
I'm not sure what your motivation is really, one trip to toddler group will not be enough to make her feel loved and undo the damage her father is doing. Surely she will feel left out next week, and the week after etc. What if she demands to go again? What reason will you have for refusing her?

TheReluctantCountess · 23/02/2015 18:08

Yabu.

EdSheeran · 23/02/2015 18:08

YABU because it's not going to fix the harm that her father is causing. Poor child. :(

ImTakingTheEssence · 23/02/2015 18:12

No I think she should be in school you must surely do things together as a family that include all the children. As for your ex i would stop contact or supervise contact as its cruel what hes doing messing with her head.

Koalafications · 23/02/2015 18:14

The issue is your ex.

pilates · 23/02/2015 18:17

YABU

I think you need to address the problem, your ex, rather than letting her have a day off school when they have just had a week off.

whothehellknows · 23/02/2015 18:19

Well... it's do-able. I would make it look like a special coincidence by booking a dentist appointment or something afterwards so that you can sell it as "well it's just easier to take her along with us than to run back and forth between school and toddler group".

That way she gets the experience, but she won't think it's something that can be re-created every week.

Also, I'd make a special effort with "Family" events including your DD. Take family photos together, or get the girls to make a special "sisters" collage with their favourite pictures of each other. Leave her in no doubt that she is loved as much as her siblings by both you and DP.

ohtheholidays · 23/02/2015 18:22

Do not let her see her father alone any more.What he's doing is emotional abuse and it's very serious.Take it from someone who suffered it themselves as a child!You have no idea what troubles you are setting your poor DD up for in the future if you don't deal with this now!

You are her Mother,her Protector,she should feel like you would take on the world to keep her safe and happy!

Being as she's going through so much poor little thing,yes I'd let her take some time of tomorrow to spend with you and her siblings.

Please though make sure you tackle this OP,she could end up with really low self esteem which can then lead on to her a young woman allowing her self to be treated awfully by other men.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/02/2015 18:22

You really have to tackle what your ex is saying to her. that's abusive and un kind . what an arse hole.

tbh just once I would probably let her. no one's to know and her emotional health is as important as a day in school of not more so.

your poor dd

Topseyt · 23/02/2015 18:27

Your ex is being an arsewipe. He is using her as a pawn. Is he always this oblivious to her feelings (and yours, of course)? Is there any way of limiting her contact with him for this reason?

I wouldn't offer her the morning off school though. She wouldn't stop at just the once, she would want to go again. Anyway, I can't see how you would keep it secret from the school. Kids chatter to their friends and it would come out. Also, you may very well come across parents from the school playground who take their own younger children to toddler group. Then how would you explain her presence.

Giving the morning off school would give a very wrong message to your daughter. She can't just ask for time off school and have it without a very good reason (illness, medical appointments etc.). It would eventually go down as unauthorised absence I would have thought, for which you could be fined.

Fairenuff · 23/02/2015 18:31

No don't try to take her. She will just tell school anyway so they will know. And what if she wants to go again next week?

JudgeRinderSays · 23/02/2015 18:33

No don't be silly.School is where she has to be by law.
Toddler group is for pre-schoolers not 7 year olds!!

SocialMediaAddict · 23/02/2015 18:38

Your ex is emotionally abusing her. A toddler group isn't going to fix the issue.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/02/2015 18:39

I'd insist on supervised visits! Youcan

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/02/2015 18:39

use the contact centre. What a twunt.

ChipDip · 23/02/2015 18:40

Will the toddler group even allow her to be there? I wouldn't do it as it's not going to solve the problem.