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Original poster

Is this greedy or the done thing? (wedding related)

49 replies

alxjames · 23/02/2015 14:21

So my friend is getting married on a Saturday this summer.

They are staying in a hotel in the city centre on the night of the wedding, I believe a few immediate family are staying there too (parents, grandparents)

From the way my friend was talking it seems she wants us all to hotel the morning after and have breakfast with them all.

Is this the done thing?

I've not been to too many weddings. The bride loves being centre of attention so I feel she might just be doing this to last it out longer?

We've already had an engagement party and 3 events for a hen do which will take over a whole weekend.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 23/02/2015 14:23

She might want you to stay, but you certainly don't have to.

CrystalCove · 23/02/2015 14:23

So instead of a nice lie in on the Sunday morning you think you are expected to get up early and drag yourself back to her hotel for breakfast? Forget that for a carry on!

ThePartyArtist · 23/02/2015 14:25

I've been to several weddings where there was an informal breakfast, a lunch at the golf club, or a BBQ the next day. It's really nice to see people in a more relaxed and less scheduled atmosphere as you often don't get to talk to them much at the actual do. Also it can make the travel more worthwhile for people as extends the event. I think though it is perfectly reasonable to decline the next day due to travel arrangements, it's usually more of an added extra that's optional. The couple are probably just seeing it as a chance to ensure they get to catch up with all their guests.

nottheOP · 23/02/2015 14:26

The wedding breakfast is the first meal of their married life, ie the evening meal on the day they get married, maybe that's what she's referring to?

Day after activities are becoming the norm, usually a bbq at parents or in laws.

Original poster
alxjames · 23/02/2015 14:27

Sorry I should have mentioned the hotel they are staying at isn't at the venue.

I think its a 20/30 minute drive away.

So it's always going to be a case of us having to drive there the next day.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 23/02/2015 14:27

No that's crazy. We are staying at a hotel in the city centre and at first a few family members booked there too, since the invites have gone out it seems lots of other guests have booked the same hotel which will be nice to see everyone at breakfast, but we certainly wouldn't expect anyone who wasent staying there to traipse over there in the morning!!

Original poster
alxjames · 23/02/2015 14:28

The wedding breakfast is the first meal of their married life, ie the evening meal on the day they get married, maybe that's what she's referring to?

Haha sorry I know you're just being helpful but I do know what a wedding breakfast is and thats not what shes talking about.

OP posts:
TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 23/02/2015 14:31

I don't think its greedy at all. I wouldn't do it but I don't see any harm in it. If you don't fancy going then don't. If some people are travelling a long way then maybe it's an opportunity to have a more relaxed chat with the B&G and yo catch up with the rest of the family.

sparechange · 23/02/2015 14:32

I've not heard of guests being asked to join for breakfast, but it seems more usual for the B&G to give an open invitation to guests to join them for a pub lunch/bbq/picnic the day after the wedding. Especially if it is away from their/the guests home town.
Certainly an invitation and not a summons though!

ghostyslovesheep · 23/02/2015 14:35

blimey - so it's a simple - 'be lovely if you could join us for breakfast at X hotel Sunday'

and this is wrong why now? just say thanks but we wont be able to

we had people round to our house the day following our wedding party (married abroad) and cooked a big breakfast for everyone - it's just nice to see your guests and have more time with them

ProfYaffle · 23/02/2015 14:36

I don't think it's greedy but I can't imagine many guests will want to get up early the morning after the night before and travel to go to breakfast. Something like a pub lunch or bbq later in the day might be more successful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/02/2015 14:38

It's common in North America to have a 'present opening' in the morning. Bloody awful event I was forced to have.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 23/02/2015 14:45

Well don't go if you don't want to! We had breakfast with some of our closest friends the day after we got married, then had a big buffet tea with family in the afternoon. Everybody who came chose to do so, and it wasn't us being greedy, we just wanted to celebrate with the people we love after having a hectic wedding day!

flimmyflam · 23/02/2015 16:01

I don't see what's massively wrong with this. Sounds quite nice. Obviously if you're not planning to stay over then don't go but if you'll be there anyway, why not?

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2015 16:06

I went to a wedding where we were invited to join the B&G for breakfast AND a BBQ the next day. It was ace!! Grin

veryseriousgirl · 23/02/2015 16:11

We had a brunch the day after our wedding (not even at a hotel - at a restaurant that I liked!). We got married in my home country and wanted to lay on lots of different events for all the people who had travelled a really long way to be part of our wedding. Seriously, I am horrified that some of them may have thought it was greedy. We just wanted to spend a little more time with people on a day that wasn't quite so hectic!

MsVanRein · 23/02/2015 16:11

We are inviting our guests to join us for brunch the next day. So we can spend a little bit more time together with people who have travelled to be with us on our wedding day. Not sure how this can be construed as greedy?!

PtolemysNeedle · 23/02/2015 16:13

It's not the done thing, but some people do it. We did just because there were a lot of people that had traveled to be at our wedding and it was nice to get as much time with them as possible before they all went home.

If the bride has said you're welcome, then it doesn't mean you're obliged to stay at the hotel, just that you can if you want to.

ChatEnOeuf · 23/02/2015 16:14

We told people where we were staying, and got a discount for anyone joining us. Some came down for breakfast with us, some popped in from the other local hotels they were staying in...it was lovely to see everyone again the next day. Wouldn't have insisted on it though, as a PP has said, many guests had travelled a long way to celebrate with us and it gave us more time to chat and catch up away from the madness of the day itself.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/02/2015 16:14

I've been to plenty of breakfasts the day after weddings especially for family weddings.

We did a cocktail reception the evening after our wedding and then a brunch the day after for family that had travelled overseas.

Not sure why its seen as greedy though?

YoniMitchell · 23/02/2015 16:14

I don't think it's greedy or 'the done thing' either really. Most weddings I've been to have had the majority of guests and wedding party all staying at the same hotel so everyone has pretty-much met up for breakfast by default.

Are you staying at a different hotel, or at home/with friends or family? If the former I'd probably politely decline, pointing out that I'll be staggering down to catch a late breakfast at my own hotel after a night of celebrating. If staying at home it would probably be quite nice to go for a posh/decent brekkie (if I could be arsed / hangover permitting)!

Pinkje · 23/02/2015 16:17

Who pays for these breakfasts the next day?

Graciescotland · 23/02/2015 16:19

I've been to a wedding where brides parents hosted a bacon roll and bucks fizz breakfast the next day. I think a lot of people travelled in and were staying over anyway.

Jackieharris · 23/02/2015 16:21

To me it just seems odd because the hotel isn't the wedding venue, and 20/30 miles away aswell.

That seems odd.

I think it's a nice idea to have everyone who's staying at the venue to all see each other again at breakfast the next morning.

But I wouldn't expect anyone to travel for it. (Won't they be over the drink drive limit?)

Bowlersarm · 23/02/2015 16:24

We've been to breakfasts the day after the weddings. It's lovely to relax and catch up with the bride and groom the day after the formality and emotions of the wedding day. Really nice.