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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this greedy or the done thing? (wedding related)

49 replies

alxjames · 23/02/2015 14:21

So my friend is getting married on a Saturday this summer.

They are staying in a hotel in the city centre on the night of the wedding, I believe a few immediate family are staying there too (parents, grandparents)

From the way my friend was talking it seems she wants us all to hotel the morning after and have breakfast with them all.

Is this the done thing?

I've not been to too many weddings. The bride loves being centre of attention so I feel she might just be doing this to last it out longer?

We've already had an engagement party and 3 events for a hen do which will take over a whole weekend.

OP posts:

veryseriousgirl · 23/02/2015 16:26

Pinkje , we paid for the one after our wedding. We just told people where and roughly when to turn up.

SweetsForMySweet · 23/02/2015 16:38

Usually, if people stay over, they would be going to breakfast about the same time if they can drag themselves out of bed in time but I have not heard of people being asked to come back to the hotel the morning after if they went home. Has the bride actually asked or are you assuming you are expected to be there, from a passing remark made by the bride that people are meeting the morning after the wedding for breakfast?

sooperdooper · 23/02/2015 16:48

If people are staying at the hotel then yes it makes sense to meet for dinner, but you don't have to stay, and you don't have to get up and travel there for breakfast when you're not staying, I think you're over thinking this, just say, oh that sounds lovely but we aren't staying

sooperdooper · 23/02/2015 16:49

Breakfast!!! NOT dinner, doh!

Heels99 · 23/02/2015 16:51

Entirely optional but yes the is often a breakfast invite for anyone who wants to turn up. You are not compelled to attend.

PrincessOfChina · 23/02/2015 16:52

We told everyone where we'd be having brunch the next day. About 30 or so of our guests turned up. The other 70 were too hungover

PrincessOfChina · 23/02/2015 16:53

Sorry. Posted too soon.

It's a common occurrence among our circle to meet up the next day in this manner, either for a brunch, BBQ, drinks etc. it's just nice to get together in a less formal way.

Whereisegg · 23/02/2015 17:10

We invited guests that had travelled round to ours the next day for a fry up.
We provided all food and cooked it, although it did involve them travelling to our house if they accepted.
About 20 miles from the venue.

I really hope no one thought it was so I could be the 'centre of attention'

rookiemere · 23/02/2015 17:12

I think it's common, but it's not a formal invite, more of a getting together those who want to the following day. You don't have to go unless you want to.

flowery · 23/02/2015 17:15

Lots of people have get togethers the day after. Not sure how it could be construed as greedy, unless they are expecting a second present or something?

Behindthepaintedgarden · 23/02/2015 17:29

I think a amall get together the day after the wedding has been the norm for quite a while, but it used to just involve immediate family and maybe very close friends or guests who had travelled from abroad. It was often hosted by the parents of the bride or groom and was usually just a barbecue or buffet at their house.

Lately though, a big party in a hired venue the day after seems to have become quite common. Personally, I don't see the point of that. It's like having two receptions.

Having a small number of guests to breakfast the following morning wouldn't bother me. But I wouldn't feel obliged to go if it didn't suit.

Original poster

alxjames · 23/02/2015 17:37

Everyone us expected to pay for their own meal.

OP posts:

teacher54321 · 23/02/2015 17:38

At our wedding and at a lot of my close friends weddings we've all stayed in the same hotel (by choice) so that we can have breakfast together the following day . It was by no means a summons and the people who didn't fancy it/were staying elsewhere just didn't come-no big deal! We all just made a rough 'see you for breakfast at 10ish?' As we went to bed. Was a nice way to end the weekend. I think you are overthinking it.

Marmite27 · 23/02/2015 17:50

We had lots of overseas guests, and had dinner at a pub on the Friday night, breakfast in the hotel both Saturday and Sunday morning, then lunch at a restaurant before we packed them off home.

Would love to say we had some peace and quiet but it was then a mad dash to open cards and gifts, then last minute packing before we went on honeymoon at 5am on the Monday.

Ours was a we're doing this - join us if you like. I hope no one thought we were precious or grabby. It was actually really lovely to have the extra time.

Peepants78 · 23/02/2015 18:07

The last two weddings we have travelled for includeded an informal breakfast or lunch the next day. It gave us another chance to chat and catch up. It was really lovely actually. Neither bride was the showy type though.

flowery · 23/02/2015 18:14

I don't understand how it's greedy? Either go or don't go, but unless the bride is expecting presents, it's not greedy.

ByeByeButterfly · 23/02/2015 18:20

Well have some for breakfast the morning after in the hotel BUT either we or my partners Dad is paying for them - it's mainly due to not finishing til 12.30 so would be late to go back home then.

I think it depends on the circa to whether it's acceptable or not.

KERALA1 · 23/02/2015 19:41

You sound like toy can't stand the bride and whatever she did would be wrong

Leeds2 · 23/02/2015 19:44

I don't think it is greedy at all.

Go if you want to/are able to, otherwise don't. I think it would be unreasonable if the bride was putting pressure on you to attend, but not if she was saying "come if you can, it will be fun."

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 23/02/2015 19:47

I know someone who did this (sort of)

She invited her friends to attend an afternoon tea at the hotel she and the groom stayed at (30-40 mins away from venue).

In the end all the friends made their excuses and the bride and grooms family went (bit of a family obligation).

I think it was meant as a really nice gesture but bride kind of forgot that people want to get back to normal life and would most likely be nursing serious hangovers

OllyBJolly · 23/02/2015 20:00

We did this kind of thing but it was because a lot of the family had travelled hundreds of miles and would be travelling back home later that day. We won't see them again until the next family do which is just as likely to be a funeral than a wedding.

It was lovely and relaxed. I certainly wouldn't expect people to come if they were not on site or were "unwell".

ovenchips · 23/02/2015 20:10

I wouldn't enjoy doing it unless it was abroad or there were overseas guests to catch up with.

My relative did a lunch the day after. Sorry to say no-one really enjoyed it. At all. Everyone was tired and food/ drink jaded after having a good time the day before.

The day after our wedding DH and I had breakfast in the hotel where quite a few other guests were staying. They didn't know how to be with us! They felt obliged to be making a fuss of us when what they really wanted was a low key breakfast. DH and I should have definitely just breakfasted in our room

I'm a miserablist about these things though. Things like birthday 'weekends' and hen 'do's which are more than an evening out make me growl.

mummytime · 23/02/2015 20:19

The weddings I've been to where something happened the next day, had family/friends host a brunch - which was nice, and a good opportunity to chat, but not compulsory.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/02/2015 20:25

Just so sorry you can't, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

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