Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be friends with this woman

81 replies

DextersMistress · 21/02/2015 22:28

I feel horrible just writing that Sad
My ds has a 'best friend' in nursery. Before Christmas bf's mum gave me her number to arrange a play date over the holidays. We met at soft play and tbh it was pretty strained, the dc played happily together but we didn't really click. She didn't stay long and that was that until a few weeks ago, she invited us to her house to play. I felt on the spot a little bit as she asked in front of the dc and they were pleading so we went.
Again, we didn't have much to talk about but passed the time playing with dc. As we left, dp's said can they come to our house next time and I said yes. (Felt rude not returning the favour)
So this week they came to us, and stayed all day. I was literally cooking dinner with her watching me in the kitchen before they left. My house was trashed and I was shattered. Now I would like to leave it at that, politely decline any further meetings but I feel guilty. She texts me everyday. Says she has no other friends in the area and she's so glad she met me.
I feel awful but honestly we have nothing in common and it feels really awkward. Aibu? WWyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 09:57

Thanks everyone. I'm going to find some groups and suggest them to her for when I'm 'busy'. Hopefully she'll meet some other people.

OP posts:
thatsucks · 22/02/2015 10:00

YANBU - not at all, she's not your responsibility.

She will be on here starting her thread though: 'horrible school mum frozen me out, she's friends with other mums but not me' and everyone will pile in saying 'she sounds like a total bitch' about you, like they always do.

Nannyplum2015 · 22/02/2015 10:03

I think the best thing to do is be polite but keep making excuses. You could make a play date for I'm a few weeks time but I would keep it short and not at your house!

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 10:03

I paid because she had no money basically. it was my idea to go there and I think she took it as an invitation. She sort of hovered behind me when we walked in so I just paid, assuming she would sort it out when we were inside.
I then heard her telling her dc she had no money for drinks so I got everything. I also gave her some food when she came here as she commented on my cupboard being full.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 22/02/2015 10:05

Ok, based on your last post- RUN. She's seeing you as a soft touch. Next it will be sob stories about not being able to pay the bills or have food for the weekly shop.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 10:06

thatsucks Grin
I'm actually not friends with any other mums, I'm in the same position in that respect as I don't know anyone in this area but I have friends from where I grew up and we just travel to meet up every few weeks.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 22/02/2015 10:07

Just meet her at playgrounds (parks)every couple of weeks maybe. My DS1 had a froiefriend with a very demanding mum, though I don't really think she was looking for a friend for herself she wanted to earmark ds1 as an exclusive friend for her ds and was texting literally 8 or 9 times some days wanting t know ds1's plans and movements! Was quite stalker. In the end I was borderline rude to her and she hasn't spoken to or texted me since BlushGrin It's a relief!

Say you're really busy but pencil in a playground meet up in a couple of weeks so the DC can still play and she has something to look forward to Wink

I would say you're really busy but your

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 10:08

Oh hermione I didn't write too much in case she's on here but her lack of money is down to a financially abusive dp which makes me feel more sorry for her.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 22/02/2015 10:12

Oh Blimey just read the post about giving her food from your cupboard! Shock Unless she's really at food bank type genuine crisis point I'd avoid - that's weird! If the kids seem starved maybe give the nursery head a heads up ... Blimey!

EdSheeran · 22/02/2015 10:23

Hmm, so tricky! Are there any free groups in your area that you could suggest?

HoggleHoggle · 22/02/2015 10:25

That's very sad about her financially abusive dp. I really am starting to feel quite sorry for her, so her dp didn't allow her enough money so she could pay for her own dc when you did your meet up? What an awful situation.

Obviously you have your own life to lead and as I've said already, I hate feeling obligated when it comes to social stuff, but she does sound as though she needs some kindness. I think your idea of suggesting other groups is good. And luckily it sounds as though this will hopefully come to a natural conclusion come September.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/02/2015 10:36

I'd look for some free stuff to do (parks etc). Also I do feel dreadfully sorry for someone married to a financially abusive DP. He could be abusive in other ways. Hence why she's isolated and clingy.

Depends if you just want shot of her (your call) but in the meantime try to be kind, maybe limit the playdates or cut down on texting. And like you say she'll be gone in September.

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 10:40

I feel very sorry for her too, but as you say, OP has her own life, doesn't have many friends in the area herself and no doubt is very busy and stretched like most of us. Of course she should be kind (she already has been) - quick chats, smiles, suggesting ways for her to make friends in the area, but that's it. It's up to this woman to find her way in life, both in her marriage and socially. I hope things get better for her.

HermioneWeasley · 22/02/2015 10:40

Of course you feel sorry for her, but she's an adult with free will. If you get drawn in and end up making up the shortfall then you are enabling his abuse.

She is choosing to keep herself and her kids in a shitty situation.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 10:40

Sorry about the drip feed, didn't want to put it in my op. It makes the situation trickier because I do feel sorry for her.
Maybe a nicer person would just suck it up and be her friend Sad

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 22/02/2015 10:43

I don't think you're being horrible OP Smile

HermioneWeasley · 22/02/2015 10:44

No, she's a stranger, you don't owe her the right to come in and take over your life and smother you and use you financially.

ImperialBlether · 22/02/2015 10:53

Given what you said in your later posts, I think she stayed while you were preparing dinner in the hope she'd be invited to stay.

Why the hell couldn't she run around and tidy up the children's mess if you were busy and the house was a tip? I would never have left my friend's house in a mess if my children had been playing there.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 10:59

Neither would I imperial, but my 4yo tidies his own toys away before getting more out. Hers was obviously excited and pretty much got everything out and I don't think she has to tidy herself at home.

OP posts:
championnibbler · 22/02/2015 11:46

Oh god, that poor woman.
having to blag food from a someone else's cupboard is just pathetic.
her husband must be very mean.
or perhaps she is a master manipulator.

either way....
its not your life's mission to sort her out.
and i really feel you are in danger of getting pulled into her whirlwind.
i would continue to stay away.
just keep saying you're busy/things going on at home/tied up etc.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 11:59

I did feed everyone lunch btw, as I said they were there most of the day.

OP posts:
championnibbler · 22/02/2015 12:55

She did well.
Free day out.
Lunch handed up to her and her kids.
Free food from your cupboard going home.

Expect something similar again should you be rail-roaded into meeting up with her in future.

Original poster
DextersMistress · 22/02/2015 13:54

Never thought about it like that champion

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 22/02/2015 14:17

I would distance yourself tbh. It's all very well saying you feel sorry for her but friendships are two way relationships and it sounds like it's all about her needing you and taking what you offer with nothing coming back to you.

I have a similar situation. My DS had a best friend at nursery who he adored. They started at different schools in September but he still wants to see her. Unfortunately I find her mum to be really difficult to get on with. Last time we went round she basically blanked me for 2 hours while the kids played. My DS won't stay for a visit on his own yet so I'm stuck with having to socialise with this woman I really don't get anything back from while he plays. She only ever wants us to go over to their house as well whereas I'd rather we go to the park etc.

As long as kids are too small to go and play on their own, you really need to be getting something out of it too. It'll be easier to let it die once they're not in the same schools but I would avoid having her round to your house if she's going to take advantage of you.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 22/02/2015 14:40

She has confided in you very quickly about the financially abusive DH if you've only socialised together twice - sounds a little bit fishy to me that she's told you that so early in a friend / acquaintanceship (though I may be talking nonsense).

Swipe left for the next trending thread