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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a word with the coach

50 replies

lakia · 21/02/2015 18:09

My ds has been going to football training for a number of weeks now he joined with some school friends.
He has really enjoyed going and at last we was glad he had taken to something and stuck at it he does lack in confidence.
He has just been dropped from the team apparently the coach said there was too many going and not enough space. The message was passed on via Facebook to my son from another player that he isn't to come to training anymore. One of ds friends asked coach why my ds had been dropped and he apparently said he thought my ds was letting the team down in training.
ds is upset about this he feels that he plays well and probably better than some of the others and says he has had plenty of praise off the coach.
Should I leave it be or have a word ds doesn't want me to but I feel really bad for him.
Just to mention a few others have supposedly been dropped as well so not just ds although these are just messages passed on via ds mates

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 21/02/2015 18:12

Speak to him! That's terrible. Don't let him get away with not manning up to telling a child that he's been dropped. They do get dropped, it's a fact of life, but they should be spoken to face to face.

How old is your DS?

OddFodd · 21/02/2015 18:17

Were you and he both aware when he joined that it wasn't just for fun but was highly competitive and he might get dropped if he didn't make the grade?

Having said that, I think it's dreadful behaviour - even if you had known in advance. Children's football coaches behaving like they're Arsene Wenger seem to be sadly quite common :(

HarrietSchulenberg · 21/02/2015 18:19

Speak with the coach direct. Do not rely on a message passed on by a third party, especially not a child. Potential for all kinds of misunderstanding.

TwoOddSocks · 21/02/2015 18:21

Definitely have a word. Completely outrageous!If there were too many coming he should have held proper trials, or had a waiting list and then informed people himself who had made the team.

Summerisle1 · 21/02/2015 18:23

The message was passed on via Facebook to my son from another player that he isn't to come to training anymore.

Doesn't ring true to me. Since when did football coaches rely on other children to pass on messages? And through Facebook of all things!

Speak to the coach.

littleleftie · 21/02/2015 18:24

Is this a proper FA accredited team?

If so this is totally out of order. Double check with the coach - I would open with, "I know you wouldn't actually do something so outrageous as to drop DS via a third party facebook message, so can you actually tell me what is going on please?"

rocketeer · 21/02/2015 18:26

Have a word and find out the facts about what sort of team the manager is running, maybe he didn't have the right contact details for your son or the other player has taken it upon yourself to say your son isn't wanted.

I have VERY rarely met a manager who behaves like Wenger and find that so insulting to all of us that volunteer and spend a lot of our free time so the children can play.

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:26

We wasnt made aware of anything but I know that out of the 4 mates he started with 2 where actually signed up but ds and the other mate wasn't and now this has happened.
Ds is 14

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 21/02/2015 18:30

What sort of football team is this? Only all this talk of signing up makes it sound more like a centre of excellence. Most youth football teams I've known have always relied on having a ready supply of players even if that means running a 1st and 2nd team.

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:30

In his defence he would not have had our contact details and the player that passed the message on is the coaches own son who also plays for the team.
They are accredited etc

OP posts:
IAmAPaleontologist · 21/02/2015 18:32

This is what i don't understand about football, i really can't understand why there is all this signing of players and dropping from the team etc when they are just kids. a few of my friend's kids have been left gutted by it all. Mine play rugby, anyone can join in. Sure, as you get bigger there will be a 1st team and a 2nd team but people don't get turned away, people can come and join in with training, most get a turn on the pitch. It is social, inclusive and fun. The way football is organised seems so cruel.

Thudercatsrule · 21/02/2015 18:32

The season is 2/3rds of way through, no-one gets signed until the summer, so I think there is some is communication somewhere. Also, it is absolutely against a coaches safe guarding regulations to message a player under 18, so that also needs to be addressed. Speak to the coach and then to the club secretary.

wfrances · 21/02/2015 18:33

speak to the coach
my dc play football(different teams)
dh is a coach
and says he can be dropped from matches if theres better players iykwim
but he cant be told to not go training.

Bowlersarm · 21/02/2015 18:34

Ah op your DS is 14. Sadly if you had said he was 8 I'd have had more sympathy. At 14 I think they are assumed to just accept they don't make the cut. Sorry. Football is tough (emotionally)

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:35

I don't understand it either he has allowed others to come along when he was bursting at the seams with numbers.

OP posts:
wfrances · 21/02/2015 18:36

rules are different in wales to england ,where are you and how old is your son?
dh coaches under 11s in wales.

Ijustworemytrenchcoat · 21/02/2015 18:39

Quite common practise in my area for local league teams to be oversubscribed. In the majority everyone who turns up regularly for training gets to play in games, half a game each for example. Or they may split and have an A and a B team. One team in our area is ultra competitive and only plays the best players.

I think for local league football everyone should get a turn. If your son loves playing ask around for a different team. I wouldn't want a child of mine playing for a coach like that. He sound like an insensitive knob.

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:39

Yes bowler I see where you are coming from but 14 can be a difficult age and confidence can get knocked easily.
I personally think he should have allowed him to come training and told him then.

OP posts:
nancy75 · 21/02/2015 18:39

Why doesn't he have your contact details? I work for a kids sports provider (not football) we have full contact details for parents of everyone under 18 that trains with us. What would he do in the event of an emergency?

SwingingBalls · 21/02/2015 18:40

All the teams I know would encourage everyone to go training. If they're not quite up to scratch then they might not get picked for the team every week and when they did, they might only get to play for a short period ( rather than the full game ). Everyone would get a turn regardless of ability.

Speak directly to the coach. Why does he not have your contact details?

OddFodd · 21/02/2015 18:40

rocketeer - I'm sure that there are a lot of great people who volunteer to coach amateur kids' teams. But this isn't the first time this topic has come up on MN and it's always football

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:42

Unfortunately ds will not hear of joining another team he had settled so well and hates going anywhere he doesn't know anyone.
He isn't the most confident child and he is an only child.

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 21/02/2015 18:44

This is everything that is wrong with kids football and I hate it. It makes me thankful that neither of my boys were that into football because I've heard so many negative stories from other people. We did try a local football club when the eldest was little, but it was clear that the coach was interested in a winning team, not in teaching children and encouraging them to enjoy getting so me exercise from a team sport so we didn't stick around as ds was never going to be a star player.

Original poster
lakia · 21/02/2015 18:44

Ds always took his mobile with him in case of an emergency and coach would always get full contact details if they where signed up.

OP posts:
DeliciousMonster · 21/02/2015 18:46

No contact details? Really? Crikey. We get the contact details and next of kins of everyone who comes to us, even just for one session.