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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want a word with the coach

50 replies

lakia · 21/02/2015 18:09

My ds has been going to football training for a number of weeks now he joined with some school friends.
He has really enjoyed going and at last we was glad he had taken to something and stuck at it he does lack in confidence.
He has just been dropped from the team apparently the coach said there was too many going and not enough space. The message was passed on via Facebook to my son from another player that he isn't to come to training anymore. One of ds friends asked coach why my ds had been dropped and he apparently said he thought my ds was letting the team down in training.
ds is upset about this he feels that he plays well and probably better than some of the others and says he has had plenty of praise off the coach.
Should I leave it be or have a word ds doesn't want me to but I feel really bad for him.
Just to mention a few others have supposedly been dropped as well so not just ds although these are just messages passed on via ds mates

OP posts:

Idontseeanysontarans · 21/02/2015 18:49

If they're a fully signed up team the coach must have emergency contact details - when DS played we had 2 pages to fill in, from our names and numbers to what school he went to and his Doctor.
I'd contact the coach and get it from the horses mouth. 14 year olds can be little wind up merchants and may well be stringing your DS a line.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2015 18:52

The Coach is a twat.

Have a word and say how disappointed you all are but I'd get ds away from him, his management is awful if he is happy to treat kids like that.

You've dodged a bullet.

Original poster

lakia · 21/02/2015 18:52

Ds has had word that the coach may be leaving now so I don't know what to think.
Dh seems quite accepting about this and says that's how it is with football

OP posts:

Original poster

lakia · 21/02/2015 18:59

That's interesting France's that they can't be told to not come training. Sorry just read your post properly.
I was aware that they can put better players on are there any coaches on here that can give a n opinion on this please

OP posts:

wfrances · 21/02/2015 19:13

are you in england?
dh says there might be different rules

Original poster

lakia · 21/02/2015 19:17

Yes we are in England

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 21/02/2015 19:25

FA
Coaches are absolutely forbidden to have mobile numbers or Facebook details of anyone under the age of 18. You need to report him to at least the club safeguarding officer. You also need to talk to the coach direct- it is usual to not be picked for the team- but not to be dropped from training. Something has gone wrong somewhere- there is no way this sort of message should come
From another child.

JudgeRinderSays · 21/02/2015 19:48

I am very confused about this whole scenario.When your DC started with this club you should have filled in an enrolment form for him.Has this not happened? what information have you had from the club? What have you paid them so far? Do you just pay weekly as you go, is there no affiliation/insurance fee? In my sport newbies are allowed to only go 6 weeks before they pay the affiliation/insurance fee.If they don't do that then they can't train anymore.I don't know if there is anything like that in football.
Coaches are allowed to have players mobiles/emails but as a matter of good practice and to protect themselves , should make sure that a cub official is copied in on all messages

toobreathless · 21/02/2015 19:51

Coach sounds poisonous.

Actually dropping him from the team may not be unreasonable but the way it has been done is unacceptable.

Original poster

lakia · 22/02/2015 08:48

I am going along on their next training session to speak to him and get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 22/02/2015 08:55

I really wouldn't do that. Training sessions are usually very busy- it will be difficult to get the coach's attention for as long as you need it because he will will have all the other kids to deal with. Ring him up. If you don't have his number, there will be a contact person on the website and they should be able to give you his number.

MartinJD · 22/02/2015 08:59

While him being dropped could of been handled in a slightly more sensitive manner, your son might just be a bit rubbish and has been dropped accordingly. Nothing wrong with this in itself. This may actually form a valuable life lesson for him.

Having mummy make a pointless intervesion by "having a word" with the coach on his behalf is a terrible idea, it will reflect badly on your son to his ex team mates, he's a 14 year old lad, he can hack this himself. My advise to you is to suck it up. He'll find another team if he's interested in football, one more suited to his ability.

Cheers!

Barefootgirl · 22/02/2015 09:08

Kids do not get dropped from teams via FB messages from other kids. It sounds to me more like some kid is feeling threatened by your son's abilities, and is trying to engineer the situation to get rid of him. If the coach wanted your boy off the team, he would have told him at practice and you would absolutely have been told.

Do not trundle into practice and buttonhole the coach. It will be embarrassing for your son and a pain for the coach. Phone him up today or tomorrow and get the truth from him.

Hakluyt · 22/02/2015 09:09

Martin, that is complete rubbish. It was completely mishandled. The coach needs to be told, and it is not up to the boy to do it. I agree that talking publicly to the coach would not be a good thing for many reasons, which is why I suggested phoning. But the attitude shown in your post sums up what is wrong with with kid's football in this country.

UniS · 22/02/2015 09:23

Is your kid actually a member of the club, have you filled in a membership application and returned it and probably paid membership fee.
Or , is your boy just turning up to training sessions of a club he does not belong to?
IF the later then I think the coach is with in their rights to ask the child not to come to training.
It may be OK to try a session with out joining but not to keep on turning up week after week with no parental consent signed and no contact details on record.

ohtheholidays · 22/02/2015 09:33

Just because the lad who told your son is the coaches son,makes no difference what so ever.

I'd ring the coach and check,it could be rubbish.

I wouldn't talk to your son about it any more,I'd just ring the coach and get to the bottom of it your self.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 22/02/2015 09:43

Is this a development centre?
Because the only way I can think that a coach would say "don't come back to training" was if it was done sort if development centre, my boys go to 2 different elite development centres as well as their own clubs and they could be dropped at any time.
But, we still had to fill in the forms, before they even went for a trial.

I'm struggling to get my head round a club that tells players not to come to training and who doesn't have any contact details for you, I have never come across any club that will even let you train without filling in forms?

Nightboattocairo · 22/02/2015 09:58

no reason he shouldn't go to training. Expecting to just make the team may be a stretch too far if he's not up to it at that age, but he should be able to train as long as everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet.

Nightboattocairo · 22/02/2015 09:59

But he can't just rock up! This must be agreed with the coach.

OddFodd · 22/02/2015 10:01

Except for the fact Nightboat that the coach hasn't actually told him he can't come

Nightboattocairo · 22/02/2015 10:04

It all sounds very like the boys have just joined willy nilly. At that age it is usual to be invited to train with a team by the coach.

Nightboattocairo · 22/02/2015 10:06

It's usually a far more formal arrangement at 14 than just 'joining in with training'

JudgeRinderSays · 22/02/2015 10:07

This is , I strongly suspect to be the case.Every club would need a parent to fill in an enrolment form, supply contact details , medical info.

Nightboattocairo · 22/02/2015 10:11

And at 14, it's not usual to treat training as a taster session to see if you like the game. Something not quite right here.

Nomama · 22/02/2015 11:27

OP.... there is a lot in your posts that is worrying...

The easiest is that the coach does not having your contact details - impossible. No FA accredited coach would keep his job if he did not have all contact details.

But, as has been said by many upthread, there are many oddities that simply do not make sense.

Please do go and chat to the coach, make sure he is affiliated, make sure he is running a properly insured session etc etc.

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