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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be jealous of my childminder?

68 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 20/02/2015 13:38

My DS is 11m and has a childminder that he goes to 2-3 days a week. He has been going for about four weeks.

She was the fifth one I met with and instantly felt at ease with her and knew I would have no qualms about leaving DS with her.

She takes him on days out and is always sending me photos of him to show me what a good time he is having. Whenever she is texting me about him and the activities they are doing she always speaks really affectionately of him. He loves going there and we never have tears at 'drop off time'.

My childminder came to pick him up about an hour ago as she was driving near my house and it saved me dropping him off at hers. When I let her in my DS went whizzing towards her in his baby walker, huge grin on his face and raising his arms wanting to be picked up.

Since they left she has text me a photo of him as she has taken him out for lunch (with her own two daughters aged 8 & 9) and she was telling me about all the different foods he had tried and that he was having fun and then ended the text by saying, "He's amazing."

My friend who had been with me today said she finds the whole thing very bizarre. She said she wouldn't feel comfortable about the affectionate bond my CM and DS have formed with each other and they if it was her she'd be questioning the professionalism of the CM.

I told her she was being silly and that I had no problems whatsoever with the fact there is a lovely relationship forming between the CM and DS and she told me that she couldn't believe I wasn't jealous about the fact DS was being so loving towards another female.

I really don't though. I love the fact that the CM seems to genuinely care for DS.

Surely that's normal??

OP posts:

AnneofCheese · 21/02/2015 08:05

That's what she told me. She's also never let them stay over at grandparents or other family. They are 14 and 10! It must be stressful living your life that paranoid.

Bellerina2 · 21/02/2015 09:03

No offense OP, but your friend sounds like a bit of an idiot and if I were you I wouldn't worry about what she thinks. YADNBU!

soupmaker · 21/02/2015 09:09

Good grief. Your friend sounds like a very insecure person. Our CM is like a member of our family. Both DDs love her. I wouldn't have it any other way. Doesn't stop them loving me and DH!

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 09:53

For a young child's emotional development they need to form a close bond with their caregiver. It's great you have found someone who cares so well for your child. If you're happy and he's happy then I wouldn't give a toss about your friend's point of view.

callamia · 21/02/2015 09:57

It's wonderful. I think I love my son's keyworker almost as much as he does. She gives me photos and it's clear that she enjoys having him about. It's so important to me to be able to go to work knowing that he's happy and secure.

trappedinsuburbia · 21/02/2015 10:10

My ds has been going to the same cm for 9 years and my dd has just started there, I love the bond they have, its reassuring to know your children are being loved and cared for while your at work. My cm is always getting them to do and try new things where i have failed in the past, i think its a great bonus !!

icklekid · 21/02/2015 10:22

7 month old ds is about to start with a cm and what you have described would be my dream! He is quite fussy and often wants mummy so am really hoping he forms a strong bond with her. She also says she will send pics etc! You have given me hope

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 21/02/2015 10:51

He did however take his first steps at the childminder's house and I was maybe a teeny weeny bit jealous of that It was a lovely surprise though when I went to pick him up and he walked straight into my arms

She has also taken him on day trips to an airport and a lorry depot because her 'learning topic' for that week was transport

She also took him to meet Peppa Pig which is definitely not something I would have done

I love it that she enables him to be exposed to various experiences and takes him places that I wouldn't, I think it's brilliant

She also provides very short notice childcare for me. I rang her the other day and asked her if I could drop DS off at hers in 15 minutes time as I had to go and pick up my new car. She said it was no problem so I took him straight round and she had him for a few hours.

Her own children adore DS, they are always kissing him and fussing over him when I arrive to pick him up. He's flourishing in all the attention

OP posts:

NickyEds · 22/02/2015 16:02

It's essential that you're ds forms a strong attachment to the person taking care of him. Can you imagine what it would be like to leave a baby with someone they hadn't? I don't know much about cms but it doesn't sound unprofessional to me.
It's odd but I used to get completely when my nieces and nephews went to nursery (and school ) because I thought they'd prefer it to me looking after them.

Jojojenks · 22/02/2015 18:52

I am a Childminder (Altrincham) (and A Mum), and you could have been talking about me on this post, I am exactly the same. Of course you will have a bond with the Children you look after, thats part of why we do this job. They do become like family, and my relationshiop with parents becomes that of extended family. xxxx

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 22/02/2015 19:28

Your friend is bizarre. Why on earth would
You not want someone who moves and cares for your child looking after them?

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 22/02/2015 19:31

Have you ever seen the film "The hand that rocks the cradle"?

Maybe my friend has that in mind?

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 22/02/2015 19:39

I think they are both normal tbh.

There's no way I could cope with that, or anybody else looking after my children. It just would never have happened full stop.

However, if you need/ want childcare it must be lovely to know the person cares for your child and is a loving person. It must make you feel good that he is so happy and settled.
Ther are some terrible childcare workers out there and it sounds like you have found a good one.

Notagainmun · 22/02/2015 19:41

I am CM and my relationship with the children and parents rarely ends when the children leave my setting. They often come to visit in school holidays. Even those who move away Skype occasionally.

I too feel like an aunt to the children. Yes it is my job and I am a professional but that doesn't mean I switch off emotionally when the contract ends and I stop caring.

sunabroad · 22/02/2015 19:47

YANBU, I would love it if my LO had a childminder like that, in fact I feel jealous of you

BitOutOfPractice · 22/02/2015 19:52

I think it sounds absolutely perfect. I had a nanny for 8 years and she is still a very much loved member of our "family". My DC adore her and she them. She did a lovely job of helping me to raise them

Popel often asked me if I was jealous of the obvious love between them all. Some asked if I was worried they would love her more than me! . I thought that was so odd. After all love doesn't split it half to accomodate loving two people. It doubles.

Take no notice of your friend

Janethegirl · 22/02/2015 20:31

My dc still keep in touch with their child minder despite no longer being minded. It's nice and I do not mind at all. I was never jealous as the cm really did like/love them.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 22/02/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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