to be a bit miffed at my DD's friend leaving without a thank you this morning?

[madmother1]

My teenage daughter had a friend over to stay last night. She just up and left this morning without even popping her head around the door to say "Thanks for having me". I only knew she'd gone as I heard my front door click shut.
I mentioned to my daughter that I hope she always said thank you to people that she has sleepovers with. She said she did. AIBU to think this is rude?

Very but how old? Is she shy?

Yes how old?

Bit rude. Probably a bit of teenage awkwardness in there too. I wouldn't sweat it.

Off course your dd said she did - she'd hardly say no I'm rude and just leave.

It is rude but maybe she forgot? My dc (younger) are very polite but I'd hate for them to be written off as rude because maybe they forgot.

Bit rude but not a biggie, so long as they have been well behaved generally I wouldn't be bothered.

She's 15, and I've known her years. I'll put it down to teenage awkwardness as I know my daughter is a bit shy around adults. Teens hey...

Maybe she just wanted to let herself out quietly and not disturb you.

But yes, a thank you would have been nice.

Ahh I was kind of like this as a teenager. Very awkward and extremely shy so barely said two words to friends parents. I probably would have said thanks for having me if faced with them as I was leaving but definitely wouldn't have had the guts to go up to them and say it iykwim.

I know my best friends mum thought I was very rude because I didn't make the effort to speak to her or acknowledge her when she walked into the room. It really wasn't rudeness, I was just crippled with shyness! It made me more anxious knowing she found it rude tbh.

She may also have been in a rush to get somewhere? Was there any kind of emergency she had to get back to and she just didn't think to stop and say thanks?

All I'm saying is don't rush to judgement or be harsh, the teen years are hideous.

My DS is a very polite young man, in general. Last week his girlfriend's father drove him home, in a blizzard.
I asked if he said thank you, and he said no.
I asked why, and he said he didn't get a chance. Her dad was talking to her, and DS didn't want to interrupt them.
He did text her, to say thanks to her dad, and my DH thanked him when we saw him next.
Still.
I felt the cringe.

That's very rude indeed.
She needs to learn some manners.

Very rude. I was that age not all that long ago and don't recall either myself or my friends being that rude!

With all due respect, she's a teenager and the last thing on her mind is you being offended by something so minor. Maybe she is shy.

Sometimes I host, cook etc for 5 or 6 and don't get any thanks. Sometimes i don't even see them, dd does all the hosting and I get a lovely note thanking me 'ever so much, you're lovely Mrs L'. Have no idea if dds ever thank, would like to think so I suppose but for myself I'm not really that bothered.

That is rude.
I have had lots of other people's dc's here over the years. Some very shy.
However each and every one has always said hello when they have seen me. Thanked me for food etc. and said bye on their way out even if they have just said see ya, thanks.

Did your daughter not take her to the door and say goodbye to her friend? She just let her friend let herself out? That's rude.

Gosh, my eldest has one friend who always just disappears in the morning (not sure she even uses the toilet!), and I've never thought badly of her at all. She's perfectly friendly and grateful the rest of the time, I don't feel the need for a special thank you in the morning.

When you say "head around the door" which door are you referring to? If you were in the kitchen then it would have been polite of her to say goodbye, but I would consider it incredibly rude for somone to pop their head around a bedroom or bathroom door.

I know OP I see this from some of dds friends. My mum drummed manners into me and i do the same. I hear my chn saying thanks but very quietly so i'm always saying speak up! I was always taught to say "thanks for having me" and i always found the parent to say it before i left. If she was shy or didn't want to disturb you early she could've asked your dd to tell you or text as they like to now.
But really it's prob just teenage awkwardness and shyness. My mum always said, shyness is no excuse because manners are there for when you don't know what to say, i.e thanks, no thanks, yes please.So you don't have to think what to say. It's true.

Were you still in bed when she left?

I took my ds and his freind out the other day for the day, he paid himself in, but I bought him drinks, lunch, and gave him a few pennies for the games machines...
He never thanked me once, for any of it, when his mother picked him up ( he came back here after as both parents at work, so had more drinks and snacks) she said to me thank you very much, said to him " have you said thankyou?" As they walked down the path, again, NOTHING.
Said to ds " x never said thankyou today, once"
Ds said " yeah he doesn't like saying it"
WTF!!

Guess who I'm never doing anything for again.

Maybe not the politest however YABU to be miffed by it.

I was brought up by a horrifically shy mother who would consider it much ruder to interrupt a conversation, enter a room uninvited or draw attention to oneself, especially an elder. So rudeness is relative.

I think to get upset over something so trivial with teenagers is

I think it's ok to be miffed which is what the OP said, not upset.

Where were you? If you were in a room with the door closed, she probably didn't want to interrupt whatever you were doing. I remember hovering in my friend's hallway waiting to say goodbye to her mum but she was in the living room with the door shut so I didn't want to go in! In the end, I think I knocked really gentle, stage whispered 'Thankyou bye!' and bolted...!

Rude imho. Being shy is no excuse, I was painfully shy as a teenager but forced myself to do the right thing, that is what being an adult is all about.