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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit pissed off about this

53 replies

chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:47

I really hope I am being unreasonable because I will like to snap out of being annoyed by this.

Here is the story.

It is DH and my wedding anniversary (10th) next week. I thought a lot about what to get DH as he is very hard to buy for. Anyway, I have been saving for ages and bought us two tickets to Lords for the day (in May) as we are cricket nuts and have never been there. I told DH's best friend about it two weeks ago and told him to keep it a secret. Anyway, DH's best friend just called DH to say he has just bought two ticket to take him to the Wimbledon semi-final. DH is obviously thrilled and, I know this is selfish of me, but I cannot help feel that this has taken the shine of my gift to DH next week: "Oh, I know you have just got this AMAZING gift to go to Wimbledon but here are some cheap tickets to the second day of a test match at Lords."

As way of background, it is all very complicated but DH's best friend (who is gay) was actually in love with him for a while (non-requited) but often does quite sweet things for him. I don't usually mind (I am glad that someone else also loves him - we can never have enough love in the world) but this feel like it is stealing my thunder a little bit.

What do you think? (rational part of my brain is telling me I should be pleased that DH has so many wonderful things to do this summer; selfish part of my brain is pissed off! And yes, I know cricket and tennis are two different sports.)

OP posts:
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 15:48

I don't see the problem sorry :)

Original poster
chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:50

Ok good!

I will get on with my day then :)

OP posts:
Shinyshoes2 · 19/02/2015 15:50

Me either .. I can't see where there's a problem

Buttyfly · 19/02/2015 15:51

Can you pretend to think that the two tickets are for you and DH? Ring him up gushing your thanks, go on abut how you've picked out your hat etc. Grin

Original poster
chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:52

Heh heh, that is funny.

Yes, maybe I am just jealous that I can't go to Wimbledon!

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 19/02/2015 15:54

I get where your coming from and my gut feel is he was trying to slightly upsurge you in the gift giving department .
But nothing you can do about it and as a plus it's better that you understand the way his best friend works now rather than later .

cricketballs · 19/02/2015 15:54

as someone who is also cricket nuts (very jealous you got test tickets, but we managed to get ODI tickets!) your DH will love your gift as its from you

douchbag · 19/02/2015 15:56

I would feel the same, it's almost like the friend has tried to out do your gift.

OllyBJolly · 19/02/2015 15:56

I don't see a problem but can understand why the OP is a bit pissed off! She has bought the DH a lovely thoughtful present and it's been trounced by a perceived better present from a friend.

Nothing you can do about it really except be happy that your DH is going to have an extra special year. And if he's a cricket nut, he might have a better time at Lords.

Hope he knows how lucky he is having two people spoiling him!

JackieTheFart · 19/02/2015 15:56

Well I would be pissed off too! He's clearly trying to steal your thunder.

The only thing you can do Kane gracious about it though - after all, you bagged the man!

Original poster
chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:56

Awww, thanks cricketballs - I have been super-excited about it as put in for the ballot mid-December and only just found out that I got the tickets and can't wait to tell DH. So was a bit bummed that best friend got in first and so close to our anniversary.

OP posts:
DeliciousMonster · 19/02/2015 15:57

I'd stop telling his friend stuff to be honest.

Original poster
chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:58

Thanks everyone. Yes, my DH is very lucky to be so spoiled. It is a weird friendship in a lot of way. I love the best friend but it is also awkward sometimes because he ADORES my husband.

OP posts:
Toooldtobearsed · 19/02/2015 15:59

Chaya, I get it. You know it is daft, but you cannot help how you feel.

Years and years ago, I saved furiously to buy my DH tickets to go and see Roxy Music ( this was the first time around) for his Cmas present. His brother knew because he had to go to the box office and buy them for me - pre Internet days.
DH family visited on Xmas eve that year and presents were exchanged. He had bought DH tickets for international rugby match, which I knew he desperately wanted to go to, but I could never have afforded them.
BiL did nothing wrong, he did a wonderful thing, but I did feel really deflated about my gift, having been so excited about it.

DH of course, loved both Smile

ChipDip · 19/02/2015 16:00

Maybe the friend got the idea of a sport event from you and because he cricket was out he chose the next available event? Your DH will be with you at his favourite sport so I'm sure he will be thrilled.

Original poster
chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 16:01

Thanks for the support toooldtobearsed. I know I am being silly but I have been pissed off all day about it, which is annoying.

I place a lot of importance on giving the right gift (and putting a lot of thought into it) and it took me so long to come up with this idea. And planning to get in for the ballot etc. So am a bit bummed.

OP posts:
Jakadaal · 19/02/2015 16:04

I think there is a bit of one up manship here. Am with you OP if feels as if friend is trying to outshine your gift. Given the background it's understandable robe a bit pissed off.

However your gift is to celebrate your and DHs wedding anniversary - something v unique that just you and your DH share. Try and focus on what you are celebrating and not how you are doing it and have a lovely time. Am sure your dh will fully appreciate your thoughtful gift

CastielsClevererBetterSister · 19/02/2015 16:05

Hmmmm...I think if the Lord's present hadn't been mentioned to the best friend and he'd got the Wimbledon tickets it would be a mildly irksome. That he knew ... Seems a bit more of a 'thunder stealing' move. Unless he's just a bit of an insensitive tit.

RestingFuckFace · 19/02/2015 16:07

To be fair its as though you bought him silver so the friend had to buy gold.

Nothing wrong with silver and he would have loved it, but it seems like a coincidence that the friend went out and bought good.

If you see what I mean.

Yes my nose would be put out of joint. But who gets to have DH at the end of the day? You. So fuck the friend. Not literally, natch.

MrsJohnLewis · 19/02/2015 16:08

Smacks of one-upmanship to me. I'd be pissed off.

Caly2014 · 19/02/2015 16:09

Wimbledon tickets are also balloted (with applications having to be made by December), and February is when you find out whether you have got some or not. I don't see the timing of your DH's friend's surprise gift as an attempt to undermine your gift, he is probably just as excited as you were to get tickets to something he had been hoping to get for months!

Caly2014 · 19/02/2015 16:11

Also, you can't ask for particular Wimbledon tickets, it is completely random as to whether you get Court 2 on the first day or Centre court for the finals...... The friend was VERY lucky to get the tickets he did, he didn't just rush out and buy good tickets to upstage yours.

ThingummyJigg · 19/02/2015 16:11

Hmmmm.....as it is, it seems as though the bf has copied your idea, or maybe it's just a coincidence, in which case YABU. But even if copied, I agree with you - not enough love in the world, great present, am sure your dh will be thrilled with both, maybe the bf has tried for years to get Wimbledon tickets and has finally got them this year etc, nice day out for a pair of friends.

But......

is there a history of this sort of thing? Do you feel like the bf oversteps a bit sometimes, or seems to often feel the need to out-do you? If it's that then YAN entirely BU.

I think the lesson to be learned, is to keep the bf at arm's length when it comes to surprises for your dh. I don't mean freeze him out, just be highly circumspect when it comes to telling him stuff. That way, should a similar thing happen, you'll know it was just coincidence.

Merrylegs · 19/02/2015 16:17

It's a little bit sneaky of the friend not to tell you his plans I guess because surely the only way he could have got tickets now for the semis is through the public ballot (which closed end Dec). So when you told him of your Lords tickets he would have known he had entered the ballot but he wouldn't have known he had been successful - or what he was going to get. Then when he found out (which must have been v v recently as they only start notifying in Feb) the first thing he does is tell your dh. Kinder to have said perhaps when he heard of the cricket tickets 'oh I'm hoping to get Wimbledon tickets do you think mr dh would like to go with me if I get them?

GokTwo · 19/02/2015 16:21

Regardless of whether he meant to do it I think knowing you'd got the tickets for Lords most people might realise that doing something like this would be a bit upstaging. I had the exact same issue years ago with a best friend who was jealous of my Dp at the time (we are both gay so it wasn't that he fancied me, just a very intense friendship). He would constantly do things like this to piss her off! It caused a lot of tension.

Anyway, I think your DH will still be thrilled but I think the best friend is trying to compete with you, YANBU.

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