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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit pissed off about this

53 replies

chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 15:47

I really hope I am being unreasonable because I will like to snap out of being annoyed by this.

Here is the story.

It is DH and my wedding anniversary (10th) next week. I thought a lot about what to get DH as he is very hard to buy for. Anyway, I have been saving for ages and bought us two tickets to Lords for the day (in May) as we are cricket nuts and have never been there. I told DH's best friend about it two weeks ago and told him to keep it a secret. Anyway, DH's best friend just called DH to say he has just bought two ticket to take him to the Wimbledon semi-final. DH is obviously thrilled and, I know this is selfish of me, but I cannot help feel that this has taken the shine of my gift to DH next week: "Oh, I know you have just got this AMAZING gift to go to Wimbledon but here are some cheap tickets to the second day of a test match at Lords."

As way of background, it is all very complicated but DH's best friend (who is gay) was actually in love with him for a while (non-requited) but often does quite sweet things for him. I don't usually mind (I am glad that someone else also loves him - we can never have enough love in the world) but this feel like it is stealing my thunder a little bit.

What do you think? (rational part of my brain is telling me I should be pleased that DH has so many wonderful things to do this summer; selfish part of my brain is pissed off! And yes, I know cricket and tennis are two different sports.)

OP posts:

peppapigonaloop · 19/02/2015 16:22

Friend was totally trying to upstage you in my opinion but probably not worth getting too get up about..can see why you are annoyed tjough..perhaps just don't give him the opportunity in future!
Your DH will love your gift anyway!

emotionsecho · 19/02/2015 16:24

From what you say about your dh I am sure that your gift to him will be the one that means the most to him because it is from you and it means spending a day together celebrating you anniversary.

However, I would feel a bit put out by the actions of his friend although I would be pleased for my dh to spend the day at the Wimbledon semi-final. It is almost as if friend is making sure he gets a day alone with your dh at a sporting event as you have had him alone at one. If you do get on well with your dh's best friend I might be inclined to say something to him. I wonder if your dh may also think that it is odd that his friend has done this.

mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 16:25

Isn't what matters getting the person something they will love?

My friends always make a fuss on my birthday and Christmas as both my parents died young and I don't really have any other family. I don't think I'd notice two similar gifts - not identical after all!

maddening · 19/02/2015 16:25

I imagine that if it had been a female friend who had been in love (unrequited on his part ) that had done this then there would be less posts saying "don't see a problem".

Totality22 · 19/02/2015 16:25

Can you clarify the 'used to be in love with' part please?...

What happened?

GokTwo · 19/02/2015 16:27

I agree maddening!

emotionsecho · 19/02/2015 16:28

Maybe after your dh has had the tickets from you you could talk about his best friend as I do think this was a calculated act, whether it was to upstage you or have your dh to himself for a day it's not right.

mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 16:30

I'd still be saying it sorry.

Let's say I meet someone and my friends still make a fuss on my birthday and he doesn't like it as he feels upstaged - I bet words like controlling would be banded about.

I don't think the op is controlling but you don't own people!

Tizwailor · 19/02/2015 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GokTwo · 19/02/2015 16:39

I don't agree Tartan. It's very insensitive regardless of the relationship. If my dad told me excitedly that he'd bought my mum special tickets to a show I wouldn't call her and tell her I'd bought her tickets for a different show before he had a chance to give her his! It would be really unkind!

GoadyGeisha · 19/02/2015 16:53

If he had to apply to the ballot last year then he hasn't deliberately upstaged you after you told him about the Lords tickets. The timing of the ballots just happened to be similar - it would be different if he'd rushed out and bought tickets for an event.

I'm assuming your DH prefers cricket to tennis so your gift will mean more to him for that reason alone. A day at the cricket is much more fun than stuffy old Wimbledon anyway I hate tennis with a passion

holls2000 · 19/02/2015 20:06

oooh I'd take the second day of the test at Lords over the Wimbledon semifinal

Original poster

chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 20:06

Thanks for the background to the Wimbledon ballot. That makes it a bit less weird and yet also still a bit weird in my mind. If he applied for two tickets in December (without telling DH) and found out today, why give him the "surprise" only a week before I am giving mine? The game is not until July - could he not have waited a bit?

This friend often buys two tickets to things and then finds someone to go along (he is single). It just find it odd that he chose to give this second ticket to DH only just after I told him about Lords and a week before I was going to give him my surprise.

But anyway, I went for a bike ride to collect the kids and have things much more in perspective. I am not going to worry too much.

As for the "used to be in love with thing", years ago he told DH that he was in love with him. DH handled it very well and said not interested (well, actually he didn't say that - my DH is obviously straight but it was more that the friend had to get it off his chest and DH just listened and told him he would get over it as he wasn't that great or something like that). The friend also confessed to other friends at the time but it hasn't been discussed again in years. But they are very good friends (probably my husband's closest guy friend).

OP posts:

Original poster

chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 20:10

Also, when I mentioned my surprised to the friend, he didn't then say "Oh, I also applied for the Wimbledon ballet. I was thinking of taking DH if I got tickets." It was like he got the tickets and then thought of DH.

But, actually DH came home from work all grumpy tonight so I friend can have him :)

OP posts:

hooker29 · 19/02/2015 20:28

chaya I'd be pissed off too!
When it was my 40th, I decided to have a weekend away for me and my family, and other family members and friends.Nowhere expensive or exotic-just somewhere fairly local, that everyone could get to easily,and, more importantly, everyone could afford.
My (ex) friends 40th was 3 weeks before mine. Told her my plans,and she said it sounded 'nice',but didn't seem particularly thrilled.
A couple of weeks later, she announces that she's making plans for her 40th.....a week in Ibiza....oh, and she wants everyone to come.....we're looking at hiring a couple of villas......and she's getting tickets for Pascha.....oh, and she wants everyone to bring AMAZING fancy dress costumes for the party she's organising on her actual birthday......
There was no way we could go.it would've cost nearly £2000 for all 4 of us to go and we just couldn't do it.
I was so disappointed-and extremely pissed off.She even had a big pre-wedding party at home-they lived next door-the week before they went and we had to listen to the music all night (we weren't invited as we weren't going to Ibiza,even though we'd been very good friends for years).
I cancelled my weekend away and just went away with my DH and DC instead.She never mentioned it,and our friendship rapidly went downhill from then on.

Original poster

chaya5738 · 19/02/2015 20:57

Oh that is awful, hooker. You'd at least think your friend would say "I really like your idea of a weekend away, would you mind if I copied?" or something like that.

Ibiza sounds bloody awful though. Give me a local holiday in a rural cottage any day!

Why did you cancel your weekend away?

OP posts:

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 19/02/2015 23:30

Yabu (but FairPlay to you for admitting it )

It would be a shame if you thought your DH would think less of your present because of the Wimbledon tickets.

countessmarkyabitch · 20/02/2015 01:26

hooker, I don't see why your friends plans had any impact on yours, or why you cancelled? Or why is was annoying, you were doing something for your birthday, she as doing something different for hers...maybe I missed something.

OP, it doesn't really matter what friends motives were, whether he was trying to upstage you or whatever. What matters is your reaction to it. The outcome is that someone you love gets 2 lovely surprises and 2 great experiences with the people he is closest to. That can only be a nice things, leave unknowables like motives out of it, they don't make any difference.

Fuckmath · 20/02/2015 02:15

He is trying to one up you and I wouldbe pissed off

TheAnalyst · 20/02/2015 03:55

It depends. To be a cricket nut is to be a cricket NUT. Wimbledon is all well and good, but if the same thing happened to me, I'd be all "Wimbledon? Excellent! Let's have a good time! (secretly indifferent)"... and then when you revealed your cricket surprise I'd be all "LORD'S LORD'S LORD'S LORD'S LORD'S LOOOOOOORD'S" and go off and have a huge masturbation session over grainy old footage of Chris Tavare blocking the Australians into oblivion in the early 1980s.

Sod tennis! It's all about the flashing blade coming down hard on the red leather balls. Nothing can compare to surprise cricket.

sonjadog · 20/02/2015 06:06

I think it isn't just a coincidence that he announced these tickets now, but on the other hand, your DH will love your tickets too and you beaten the BF in the thing that really matters, you are the one who married your DH, not his BF.

What I would learn from this episode is to think a bit more over what I was telling your DH's BF in future.

hooker29 · 20/02/2015 08:45

It was almost like a "I'm going to copy your idea but I'm going to do it bigger and better than you".It actually made me feel embarrassed that, hey, we could only afford to go 20 miles down the road but she could do Ibiza, also knowing full well that there was no way we could afford to go so that was one reason why I cancelled my weekend.Also because 2 or 3 people said they couldn't come away for my birthday as they were going to Ibiza and couldn't afford both....I know it was her birthday, her choice etc etc but I always had the feeling-and others noticed it too-that it was done to put mine in the shade.

Original poster

chaya5738 · 20/02/2015 09:41

Hah hah, theanalyst - you description made me smile. Have you been following the World Cup though...

And hooker29 - you are well rid of that friendship!

OP posts:

scrunchiemount · 20/02/2015 10:08

I do think YABU but I think I would feel the same way TBH so I sympathise :)

GoadyGeisha · 20/02/2015 16:02

hooker29 I now have an image of a group of 40-somethings swinging their pants at Pascha in best Dad dancing style to the amusement of the other clubbers.

Not that there's anything wrong with clubbing at that age < quickly hides birth certificate and dances round handbag >

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