Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be irritated by the gransnet survey?

66 replies

Oldladyfish · 18/02/2015 21:05

I know there are lots of amazing grandparents out there, but the survey felt annoyingly unrepresentative. As it was only people who actively had grandparental support who took part, it made out that grandparents are doing loads more than they actually are.

I get no help from any of my daughter's grandparents. Am i the only one?

(I must admit that I'm in a totally foul mood as I've been looking after a sick 2yr old by myself, trying to work at the same time, and not feel bitter that what i miss most is having some family support. As a single parent it grates badly enough, but to read about the wonders of grandparents rubbed it in really.)

Am i the only one who has living parents/parents-in-law in the country, and who gets no support? AIBU about that blooming survey?

OP posts:

MNHQ

RebeccaMumsnet · 19/02/2015 10:27

Hi all,

Thanks for raising this one Oldladyfish , we will have a look and see what's happened here.

sandgrown · 19/02/2015 10:30

As a GP who has just had my GC for a week while DD went to New York and babysits whenever I can, despite working full time , I resent some of your comments. My mum was my children's only living GP and did the same for me despite living70 miles away and not driving. I also had a few very close friends who would help if needed and I would do the same for them. I appreciate not all GPs help so develop other support networks though this may not help on a regular basis such as for work.

Fairenuff · 19/02/2015 10:31

Ah sorry, I misunderstood. If it is a survey for those who do have help from gps then presumably it's not aimed at those who don't? A bit like if there was a survey about parents who use disposable nappies, they are not asking for the opinions of those who don't.

TheColdDoesBotherMeAnyway · 19/02/2015 11:01

It's the survey I have problems with, as I stated earlier, I don't expect or think it's my god given right to have help from GPs because I'd be very disappointed if I did. But the way the survey (and accompanying thread) was worded it was such that only those who receive help could comment, but when the results came out it was presented as if the survey represented all parents - which clearly wasn't the case at all!

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 19/02/2015 11:07

Gah we're so sorry about this - absolutely see why you're a bit peed off about it. Our press release did make it clear that the survey was 'of parents who use grandparents for regular childcare and of grandparents who provide regular childcare', but we were in a rush to get the pages on MN and GN up on Friday evening and we just didn't spot that our language wasn't right on those. Many apologies - we'll make sure they're corrected. And thanks for drawing our attention to it.

TheColdDoesBotherMeAnyway · 19/02/2015 11:08

Thanks Rowan

MrsTedCrilly · 19/02/2015 11:18

I wouldn't dream of asking my parents/ILs to do childcare and we all get on brilliantly, plus they adore my son.. The odd few hours babysitting a couple of times a year but that's it. I'm always shocked when I hear of my parents friends looking after grandkids for a full day once a week, they complain about it to my mum but wouldn't dare say anything to their son/daughter. They've done their child rearing, let them enjoy their grandchildren!

Millionprammiles · 19/02/2015 11:20

GPs should no more feel obliged to help out with grandchildren than offspring should feel obliged to help out with caring for elderly parents. If its an obligation then it carries resentment and neither should bother.

I don't expect I'll really fancy looking after babies/toddlers if dd has children some day. I'd far rather be enjoying my retirement to be honest. But neither do I expect (or want) dd to bear the burden of looking after me in my old age. I see that as my own responsibility to manage financially and practically as far as possible.

Either do it out of genuine love and care (as my MiL does and as we will do for her) or don't do it at all. No one has any right to expect it.

Chips1999 · 19/02/2015 11:35

Don't worry OP DH and I don't get any help from anyone! On the positive side, everything we have we have worked for and bought ourselves :)

Original poster

Oldladyfish · 19/02/2015 12:09

Hi Didothedodo -- i think you read my original post through rather angry eyes. I only said that the survey was annoying and asked if anyone else got no help at all from GPs. I don't expect ANYTHING from my parents (which is good, as I don't get anything), but i still hope they would want to help me out. They see me genuinely suffering alone with no support and their response is "oh dear, that sounds hard". They are retired, healthy and spend their time going on holiday. That's completely their right, and I don't have ANY sense that they SHOULD do something, i just wish they wanted to. i will now stop asking, as if they can't help me out when i'm in hospital, i think they probably never will.

OP posts:

DidoTheDodo · 19/02/2015 12:18

Hi oldladyfish, it wasn't your op that made me sad, rather some of the posts following that sounded a bit too entitled for my tastes!

I DO look after my DGC when I can - holidays and my annual leave and in times of need. I was just pointing out that not all GPs are in a position to help on a regular basis (ignoring the issue of whether or not they have any obligation to do so), which seems to have been brushed over by some of the snarky later posters.

KERALA1 · 19/02/2015 12:25

I don't feel entitled in the least. Am slightly baffled by my ils utter lack of interest in their grandchildren just can't relate to that at all. Not pestering them for free childcare but a slight effort in building a relationship with their gc would be nice. Still their loss.

Original poster

Oldladyfish · 19/02/2015 12:30

Great idea Sizzles -- please let us know what response you get. i might do the same myself.

Clockwisecat -- i feel your pain on the visiting front. The expectation is that I will always travel to them. My DD is 2.5yrs, and i have had precisely 4 visits from all 6 GPs/step-GPs put together. it's quite odd that they can travel to Spain/Peru/Gran Canaria/France multiple times a year, but not get on a train for 2hrs. Wow. i'm descending into a megagrump. i'm going to stop the pity party now (-:

OP posts:

Sizzlesthedog · 19/02/2015 14:55

No reply yet oldladyfish doubt there will be now they've commented on this thread.

Mrsjayy · 19/02/2015 15:06

No grandparents support when mine were small but tbf my parents worked and still do (young grandparents) mil was a better support but lived further away. If im honest I don't think grandparents should be having gc full time anyway I live near a school and a nursery and I see what looks like weary grandparents pushing buggies while trying to control school kids. Try and not let some survey upset you but I get what you are saying a hpur here pr there would have been a godsend for me

groovyolmutha · 19/02/2015 15:16

I think you are lucky on a number of levels if you get gp support but it is not something you should expect. Obviously some gps make it clear from the outset, maybe even pre birth of gc that they will help and, if you want that, it's great. Not everyone wants it.

I think MAJORITY of grandparents are too far away, too busy or dead (as in my case).

Confess to envy of those with gp support though. Thinking of women I know with kids whose careers more successful than mine, nearly all were able to do it because they had gp support which allowed them to put in the extra hours to get on.

Flip

1 2 3