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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that my husband to come downstairs to partake in daughters birthday

35 replies

Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 19:19

Today is my daughters 8th birthday. she has never had a birthday party in the traditional sense, usually we just go out for lunch. this year I wanted to give her a proper party. I invited 14 of her school friends to the house. I made a pass the parcel., party bags little prizes for the kids and so on. a friend offered to help ouT- she was brilliant and I dont think i could have done it without her. they arrived at 1 left at 2. my husband works for himself so can decide when he takes time off. usually he works weekends. he did take the day off but spend the most of his time in his room. he helped me clean the house in the morning and took my daughter to the shops which are a 5 min walk away to buy her present- all this took about 20 mins. During the party he popped down twice for about 2 mins. he wasn't even there when she was blowing out her candles. as well as this he didn't lift a finger to clear up the mess after I FEEL REALLY DISAPPOINTED- especially as he is going away for a couple of days tomorrow. I told him how upset I was- he responded by saying that he took the day off , he doesn't do parties ant that he's a 48 year man and doesn't have to help out if he doesn't want too. he has stayed in his room most of the eveining.

OP posts:
Ineedacleaningfairy · 18/02/2015 19:22

He's an idiot. He's a 48 year old FATHER and actually he does have to go to his child's party even if he doesn't fancy it.

If he was my dp I would be hiding throwing away his car keys/passport/ticket/credit card so he couldn't go away, but that probably isn't the best idea!

TwoOddSocks · 18/02/2015 19:22

YANBU what a d*ck. He may be a 48 year old man but he's behaving like a twelve year old. I could kind of understand if he felt nervous of doing the party stuff but he could explain that and help you tidy up afterwards. Is he normally like this?

Original poster
Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 19:23

sorry this is the first time I have ever posted anything on this website and I have posted 4 times by mistake also title should have read AIBU TO EXPECT HUSBAND TO COME DOWNSTAIRS AND PARTAKE-

OP posts:
Plateofcrumbs · 18/02/2015 19:26

Is he OK? Does he normally behave like this? Is he stressed? Depressed?

Osmiornica · 18/02/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mikado1 · 18/02/2015 19:29

Oh god, yanbu in any way. I actually find this really sad and can't understand it at all. I personally would have been up to him to tell him to come down to help passing out drinks etc and obviously to be there for the cake-did you call him when candles were being blown out?? This would be a huge issue for me personally. He doesn't have to do something he doesn't want to? Does he help around the house usually? ? Of course he has to do things he doesn't want to, who is thrilled to have to clean up?! I know when we were younger dads were often at work and didn't make parties but to think he was there...not on at all in my book.

Chertsey · 18/02/2015 19:44

Oh, there are several threads, I'll say it again. Smile

There's a lot of my and I in your post, my daughter, I wanted....

Did he get any say in the arrangements? If not, it sounds like he did quite a lot, actually.

Chillyegg · 18/02/2015 19:57

He sounds like a tool Shock

Well I think for him to help clean and take his daughter to the shops for 5 minutes is just basic looking after your kid stuff. Not "quite a lot"

I'd use that line " I can do what I want"on his birthday go out with the kids. I think it's actually awful. It's disrespectful and uncaring and selfish.

I think it's doubly shot that it was her first party quite frankly I'd do fuck all for him from now on. If he can't be assed why should you?

Original poster
Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 20:02

Chertsey- I did do the arranging - because my daughter asked for a party. as he did not make the decision I did not expects him to help but is it unreasonable to expect him to be there instead of surfing the net in the bedroom.

OP posts:
Libitina · 18/02/2015 20:30

OP, is she his daughter too or just yours?

Original poster
Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 20:33

we are both the biological parents

OP posts:
TerryTheGreenHorse · 18/02/2015 20:35

Bloody hell same knobbish comments.

GokTwo · 18/02/2015 20:40

What a silly thing for him to say! "I'm a 48 year old man ....." Etc!
I'd have had a little bit of sympathy for him if he'd said he felt awkward at kids parties or similar but that sort of "I do what I want regardless" attitude is really unfortunate.

MrsWolowitz · 18/02/2015 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitchentableagain · 18/02/2015 20:44

YANBU.

One day she will be 15 and will say to him, "remember when I turned 8 and you couldn't be fucking bothered to come downstairs while I blew my candles out?" And then he can answer for his petulant bullshitty excuse for parenting.

MrsMaturin · 18/02/2015 21:13

In all honesty it sounds to me like yes he has been crap but he's been crap because he didn't know what to do. Birthday parties are hell tbh. Running away and hiding is a known response. I've never enjoyed any of my dcs parties. I enjoy the look on their faces, I enjoy seeing their friends have fun, I enjoy the hugs I get afterwards because it was brilliant and I wouldn't miss any of that for the world but I don't enjoy the actual party. Why would I - it's not about me.
I think you need to be very clear what your role is in the party making and what his role is. If he fails to carry it out then you call him on it.

Btw 14 8 yr olds is too many for one house. 8 is my personal max. It's chaos otherwise.

sanfairyanne · 18/02/2015 21:40

1950s mumsnet again tonight?

i guess the op organised the party cos her dh couldnt be arsed. does that then give him a get out on helping out on the day? he sounds a lazy arse

Misfitless · 18/02/2015 21:55

That's pretty shit, OP.

Reminds me of the time my DH had to leave our DC's birthday celebration early as he had to get back to work.

Except...

He never went back to work.

No.

He went to the fucking gym!!! However he now looks like Daniel Craig so not all bad....

Misfitless · 18/02/2015 22:00

However he now looks like Daniel Craig so not all bad....

Obviously, I didn't post that bit. Apologies! Left laptop unattended, nipped out the room, and then came back to find he'd added a bit Blush.

Sorry Brave.

I would be so upset, too. My DH has never been allowed to forget it, and it was years ago. Give him hell, and he'll hopefully realise the error of his ways.

fattymcfatfat · 18/02/2015 22:02

my dad never came to any of my parties even if he was only upstairs. ..my mum and dad are now divorced

esiotrot2015 · 18/02/2015 22:09

The party only lasted an hour ? So he was there 2 minutes and only absent 58 minutes
It's not like it was a whole day

Mitzi50 · 18/02/2015 22:12

My ex DH never attended any of my DCs' birthday parties. My DD (18) is still bitter about it and always brings it up as an example of his crap parenting and general lack of involvement in her life growing up. Maybe you should ask him if this is the type of memory he wants to create.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/02/2015 22:22

What a tit. I once had to be removed from DD's parties for getting over-excited*, but I attended them all.

*"Are we having a farting contest this year Mr. Disgrace?". "No Abby, that was a one-off."

fattymcfatfat · 18/02/2015 22:49

haha..disgrace my DS would love that, amd I wouldnt mind as long as all the smelly feckers did it in the garden!

changeychangechangeychange · 18/02/2015 22:57

You had a party that only lasted an hour?

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