to think this degree was a big mistake?

[cakedup]

I am a mature student in my 40s, lone parent, in the final year of my degree. I've sacrificed a lot to get here. Am currently trying to muster the enthusiasm to write my dissertation.

I feel this degree has been a very time consuming and very expensive mistake.

Reasons I decided to do my degree:

Better job prospects - the main reason. Not only to increase my chances of getting a job but my aim was to have a job that I actually enjoy.

To prove something to myself - more of a sub-concious reason that has become more apparent. I failed at school and have always had a 'stupid' complex.

To be a good example to DS - not specifically in terms of going to uni, but felt I had generally achieved very little and wanted to do something that required sacrifice, hard work, determination etc.

Unfortunately it hasn't quite panned out that way:

Re job prospects - I thought by now I would have developed a passion for my subject, but I haven't. In fact it's had the opposite effect, I've gone off it.

Re my stupid complex - I've never felt more stupid in my life. My grades have been getting worse and people young enough to be my children are sailing through. My access course tutor had high hopes for my getting a first which has only exacerbated my feeling of failure . At the moment I'm on track for a 2:1. If I fuck up my dissertation then I could get a 2:2 and I really don't think I could handle that tbh.

Re good example - There are many other less time consuming and cheaper ways I could have achieved this! Hindsight and all that.

Anyone feel/felt like I do? Any encouraging stories?

Healthcare subject by any chance? I'm in a similar position and hav decided to defer until the new academic year. I've just completely lost my mojo and it would appear my brain.

Don't worry about others grades though, therein madness lies. Our cohort is very supportive of each other, is there anyone in RL you could talk it through with?

If you're in your final year, it's not worth giving up now. Put that determination to the test, and stick it out. It can only be a matter of months, right?

Is your degree in a field that you could branch out into something else once you've got it?

Is there any aspect of it that you'd like to use in a job?

Plenty of people choose the wrong degree. Some are lucky enough to realise in the first year, and can restart. Others stop in the middle. Some make it to the end, like you will, and then go on to do something unrelated.

Think of it as a lesson in determination and endurance, and see it as an excellent example of sticking at something that is difficult. A degree can't be a bad thing.

I'm a lone parent. I'm also a lecturer and I'm having to study for qualification. There's no way that I'm going to excel in my studies. I simply don't have time. When I did my first degree as 19 yr old, I could spend as long as I wanted on the work. I just cannot do that now. I have short slots of time and whatever I do in that's time has to be good enough. It isn't a level playing field but that's life.

Credit to you for doing it at all. That is an achievement.

A 2:1 is a good d degree. A 2:2 is respectable. But a degree is what you make it, to an extent. Nobody will care what your grade was afterwards.

You've spent 4 years on the one subject - of course it will get boring!

I've 6 qualifications in one area (professional ones that I've done part time over the years) and 20+ years experience in the industry, and each time I get near the end of a course, I feel like I never want to see anything about insurance or pensions again. Then a few years later I feel I need a bit more of a challenge and I start another.

You're juggling family life and study - how many of the younger ones are doing that?

Can you make some special arrangements for the next couple of months so you get dedicated study time, time to sleep, and minimise housework etc, and just plough through the dissertation? Go for that 2.1!

Also, google conscious incompetence and the process of learning. You are probably at the stage of conscious competence - you know your subject and how wide it is, and you have to concentrate quite hard to do the stuff you know. This stage can feel really disheartening because you are aware of all the knowledge you have and are more aware of the knowledge/skills you don't have, and you aren't expert on an unconcious level (yet). You can plateau at that stage - but a bit of extra effort brings you across to the next level, and it feels much easier there.

This sounds like classic 'dissertation due, final hurdle' nerves and negative self-talk to me. It happens to everyone. Promise.

Your original reasons are all still valid. Keep that in mind.

Being a graduate WILL set you in better stead for job hunting. Even if you look for work in a completely different area to what your degree is in.

You ARE a good example to your DS. You took the plunge and committed to doing something difficult, time consuming and a bit scary. You rock.

You are clearly NOT stupid. You're on track for a 2:1. Even with a 2:2, you would have completed a degree and passed it.

Get your head down on that dissertation and remind yourself that you have come this far and you ain't quitting now! And as the pp said, talk this through with someone in real life. Dont let the voice in your head that says you're crap be the only voice you listen to!!!

I think it's worth remembering that it's really normal to feel like this at this stage. I reckon in a year's time you'll feel differently. Chin up.

Not healthcare, more arts/creative based. No point deferring now, I'm nearly done and could not handle the prospect of studying any longer.

I just don't understand the grading system, I really don't, and I'm just not going to try any more. It's a very competitive uni to get into so most of the people on my course are quite brilliant. I only have a couple of close friends at uni - the other mature students. We have a moan together every now and again but it doesn't change how I feel.

Whats the degree in OP

Oh, i sooo recognise what you are going through. You get to a point in a dissertation, when, without knowing it, you start to think that 'everybody' knows what you know about it, when probably, you know more than many about that particular topic.

Do you have a supervisor you can talk to about your nerves. They will recognise what you are going through and may well be able to help you with that boost you need to get through.

Hope it goes well for you, xx

Hang in there OP. I'm a mature student doing a subject I absolutely love. I'm also in my final year and am finding it incredibly hard. I've thought of giving up.

I was aiming for a first, but am now aiming to survive the damn degree at this stage! I am procrastinating at the moment, I have to submit a draft dissertation for Monday and haven't done nearly enough. And I don't even have children to look after.

Maybe we should set up a final year support group for those of us in the last throes of our degrees?

No-one has ever asked me what level of degree mine is (2:1, 2:2 etc).

It's worth finishing, because a degree helps you get a job in any field, not necessarily the one your degree is in. Having a degree is evidence that you're able to do things like research a subject, put forward a reasoned argument for and against somthing, express yourself articulately verbally and orally, work independantly etc etc.

Dont give up now! Just finish it - a pass is a pass!

InfinitySeven - yes, the course has actually been quite varied with lots of practical experience as well as theoretical, eg. I've done a placement in a school, I've developed a web page on accessibility for a company and researched into ways they could be more accessible - so I guess that's good in terms of my CV. The problem is, I am in 40s, and every time I look into a job I might like, I know there are hundreds of others who have a degree, but also years of experience of working in that field, what to speak of extra training along the way. I still feel so behind although I know that's my fault for dossing about for so many years. A degree can't be a bad thing. - I like that, you're right.

I have a first class arts/creative based degree. I was still completely disillusioned by the end of my course and was not successful finding a job, although i liked what I'd done and was quite good at it, I had to try really hard all the time, it didn't come easily and I wasn't' overly confident.

I have now gone in a completely different direction which has involved 2 more years of study which I have found really hard. I understand where you are coming from. If it's not something you enjoy doing at uni I doubt you'll enjoy a job in it.

Thank you ConfusedNC - sometimes I think it's harder at my age, because I've had so much else going in my life - let alone being a mum, I'm in the process of being evicted, my dad had been very ill etc. But then I guess the younger lot also have all the heartbreaks and hangovers to deal with which I thankfully don't! Also, I put more pressure on myself because of my age. I feel I should do better.

I completely agree with PP that it sounds like you're not stupid at all and to keep going!

In general though I do often worry about the wisdom of advice to further study and retrain with small children, though.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. The end is in sight and the fact that you have stuck at it shows that you are a good role model regardless of the classification that you end up with.

Thanks maleenteringfemalefacilities - yes I just need to really dedicate myself to my dissertation over the next couple of months. Because a lot of the dissertation work and current project work I am doing is from home, I've been picking ds up from school at 3:30pm, but thinking that doesn't really give me a long enough day. So will consider putting him in after school club a few days a week. And yes, conscious competence sounds very familiar! I feel less able than I did at the start of the course. That's very helpful, thank you.

Agree with ConfusedNC. - no one (including you most probably) will care what your class was once you have the degree unless you want to go onto postgraduate study - and even then a 2:1 is absolutely fine for entry to most masters courses. The degree on your CV will open doors.

Just doing the degree is a huge achievement cakedup and if it makes you feel any better - I have a 1st class BSC and a PhD in science and am having (as a requirement of my academic job) to study for a masters in a social sciences subject I am not interested in and cannot understand the language of (too airy fairy for my liking!) and I too cannot fathom the marking system or the norms of the discipline - it makes me feel very stupid and I clearly am not!

When I was studying for my degrees, I went through various stages and the final two were always 'OMG I cannot do this, I am going to look silly, everyone will laugh at me, I am going to fail, I am going to give up' and then, faced with the decision to give up I came to terms with myself and said 'Sod it, sod them all, I am going to do this my way and if they don't like it - tough!'

Please don't give up now and let it all go to waste!

NoStrange - a couple of friends have told me that this is common pre-dissertation actually. It feels like the transition stage of giving birth...I've come so far but I just want to stop now! And yes - it is actually quite a relief to know I don't have to carry on with this subject, and that I can use the skills I've learnt to get a job in another field.

When did that change re class of degree?

Ten years ago when my friends and I were applying for jobs most stipulated a minimum of a 2;1

Any degree will improve your job chances over not. Lots of jobs require a degree but yet it isn't relevant to the job. Eg civil service, it's the skills doing that degree gave you that they want. So your degree could help you out into another are of work!

FinallyHere - can you believe I'm even sick of my tutors and can't bear to talk to them either?! I am lucky that one of my friends and a mum at school is a lecturer and was very helpful when I told her that I felt my dissertation so far was a load of made up hodge podge. She has offered to help in future.

I remember my first time going up the steps to my uni for my interview. I actually felt privileged to be using the steps at all, to even be considered for an interview. And now...those bloody steps. I go up each one with a heavy heart.

Wow OP you do have a lot on your plate. Any lone parent who completes a degree deserves huge kudos and it will look good on your cv applying for different positions. Hang on in there.

40s is not too late to begin a new career, and the experience you have from previous jobs/life experience can all add up sometimes to give you the perfect fit for a job. I changed direction twice in my forties, but was able to offer a 'package' of experience which just happened to suit the two jobs I applied for.

The thing that helped me most in applying and which I know gave me an edge in selection was the volunteering experience I had. I had three roles I had volunteered for short-term - two of the three I really hadn't spent long on at all, but they enabled me to tick boxes during interview, and to quote examples from my experience which I would have otherwise not been able to cover.

Best of luck.

SunshineBossaNova - I hear you, I am SO unproductive with my time. I told my lecturer friend the other day that whenever I sit down to do my dissertation, I get an overwhelming urge to eat or sleep. That's normal, apparently. Re the thread - I'm in two minds. Do I really need another procrastination avenue?!

That's a good point TywysogesGymraeg - I feel I know less about my subject than when I started, but have probably learnt more than I realise, not just about the subject but the application. Also, as it's quite a 'right on' course, I've learnt a lot about social/moral issues, what being pc is etc. I mean I suppose I could have read a few books about it instead, but still...