Being a SAHM is not because partner earns loads, it is because childcare means it is unaffordable to work

[Yesitismeagain]

Why do people think SAHMs a lifestyle choice? Most people I know are SAHMs because they can't afford the childcare to make working worthwhile! With only 1 income coming in, the 'lifestyle' is one of watching every bloody penny.

Most of my well educated friends who had decent jobs - not top earners in the City, but earning over £30k each year. Had children, and then found they couldn't afford to go back to work as the childcare (+ commute and parking) would make no financial sense.

Their husbands salary means any tax credits on the wife's wages are minimal or zero.

I am fed up of being thought of as loaded as a family just because I don't work. I don't work because I can't afford to!!

My DH is becoming a SAHD. I earn more. It is 100% because we would nothing left after childcare.

Why do people think SAHMs a lifestyle choice?

For a lot of people it is. I have friends who aren't on high wages (think way below national average) and still work. In our area a cm is around £3.50/hour so even with commuting it pays. It just might not pay much (but you do keep your job/NI/skills etc). And only if you have only one child or a larger gap. I think some parents want to work even if it means childcare takes up an entire wage , to maintain job security, keep skills up, pension contributions, just don't want to be at home.
I've always wanted to SAH whilst my children are little and have always wanted to have a small age gap between them so, for us it is a "lifestyle" choice, one we can only make because dp earns a decent wage (well I think it is, but mn seems to be a different world!). I loved my job but even if childcare was half the cost and I earned twice what I did, I'd still want to SAH.

While you're paying that short term cost you're continuing to pay into your pension, continuing to see salary increases and continuing in your career.

Not everybody is in te type of career where they will see salary increases, climb the career ladder and be able to pay into a pension. Some people earns minimum wage or just above and have no hope of being promoted or advancing to a better paid position. For those people if childcare costs exceed one of the couples wages then it might makes sense for one of the parents to be a SAHP.
It makes me laugh that some people think everyone has a career where they can get on and progress and that taking time out to be a SAHP is a set back.

I think what I find frustrating (as a full time WOHM) is friends who have had 2 or 3 kids in very quick succession, then say they're 'forced' to stay at home as in it's nonsensical to pay childcare fees for 2/3. They then complain about the impact on their careers and that sacrifices they've made for DH career etc. Well you forced yourself!! Anything like this is an agreement within a couple. It's not a surprise that it's so expensive. We've got 1, we'll have another soonish now as he's coming up to 4. We'll juggle it.

If I went back to work it'd be minimum wage at best, I worked out I'd actually be paying to work once childcare was taken into account. We considered doing this even just one day a week before I got pregnant with dc2 as I find being a sahm 24/7 difficult. DH is a shift worker so I can't work evenings or weekends, we've no family to offer care. I'd love even just a Saturday job, but it's not going to happen. It was my choice to start a family but I do wish my nagging in laws the government would realise it's not as easy or affordable as just deciding to go and get a job et voila, you know? Childcare is prohibitively expensive.

fluffy -everyone on mn has a great career with great prospects, earning potential and pension provision. Or that's certainly how it seems. It's quite rare on here to hear someone working for minimum wage.

Hopefully wont derail here but if you are facing the dilema of returning to work on a just a few thousand above min wage as a temp worker,have two preschool DCS , have no childcare voucher options and no pension,would you return if it cost you £250 in term time and roughly £600 in preschool holidays in childcare, would you do it? Not being facetious just a dilema im facing... we can afford to subsidise me going back to work but wouldnt be able to afford to save then

wouldnt be able to afford to save then

Very few parents can afford to save when they're raising a family

i dont know how wed pay a 400 bill on car and then insurance the next month etc... we'd be overdrawn .guess it would be a "no" As job has no perks inc pension or childcare vouchers as temp worker.