would you want to know if your DC behaved badly on a playdate?

[var123]

and would you take the other parent's word for it if she told you what your DC had done?

I would be embarrassed but I would want to know.

TBH, I would just quietly deal with bad experiences in my own home as best I could and resolve never to have that child back. There were several children I never invited back. It wasn't all just me being uptight with pfb DD1 either. Those girls from that year in school were hell on wheels. I was really glad to see a lot of them heading off to different high schools.

I explained why they weren't coming back to DD1 (they were all her friends from about 4 to 7, weirdly) and told her to make excuses if they were pressing to come over to play during school but never to say 'it's because mommy is never going to forgive you for what you did with all the toilet paper.' I could always rely on DD1 to give them the brush off.

Plumping, please do not record anyone else's children in your house. Other parents would be rightly very angry with you for doing that. It doesn't matter what your reasons might be. They would think you were much more than a nutjob.

13??? That's when the s--t really hits the fan Wafflinworrier.

I'd want to know. I would detest listening to it and be embarrassed but its more important to know if my DC needed guidance about how to behave when they are guests.

TBH my main concern is that they impose their fussy eating on other people. I have hosted a lot of play dates down the years but I find that other children's fussy eating is becoming more of a pain the older they get. And that's despite having two of my own who would love to ban vegetables. Allergies and food intolerances don't bother me at all but plain fussy eating can be a nuisance.

I had a boy last week who didn't like beef, fish, chicken, rice, vegetables or spices. So I had to scrap the dinner plans and come up with a plan F.

Last summer I had six visitors at once. One didn't like pizza or cheese, two vegetables, one red meat and a fifth was vegetarian. I ended up making 3 seperate lasagnes with optional salad. Then once it was all served and on the table, the vegetarian boy came over and told me that he didnt like vegetable lasagna either so could I make him something else? I suggested he eat the salad. When I cleared the table he hadn't even tried the dish that I had made especially for him.

Yes I would want to know,I'd be mortified if any of my children ever played up for anyone else.They play up for me that's different,I'm they're Mum and it's par for the course.

I'd buy whoever they'd played up something really nice,I'd apologize profusely and I'd make the child/children apologize and I'd be punishing them as well,taking something of them/bed early for a week ect.

The parents that kick of when they've been told they're child has played up are ridiculous!One of the biggest disservices any parent can inflict on they're child is to ignore bad behavior!

Don't worry math, I know that recording would make me look like a crazy person or worse. I'm not actually going to do it!

Ooh yes I would want to know! Look, my DC like most, are not malicious or mean spirited. However, I do know they can get over excited and that it can manifest itself in silly, sometimes naughty behaviour. I would want to know so that I could follow it up at home - if I have no idea it's going on, I would never know otherwise!

I would assume that any parent who told me about bad behaviour following a playdate, must have put up with some pretty naughty behaviour. Simply because you wouldn't run to another parent to tell them over a minor thing - it's pretty awkward on both sides!

Having said that, I never allow bad behaviour to continue over an entire playdate. Depending on what exactly the behaviour is, it's 3 strikes and your out. It's happened on a couple of occasions, I just ring mum or dad and say X is a little over tired today, and I think they need to go home. On both occasions, whilst a bit awkward it was fine, but then again I did know the parents well!

OP for the record - if that ever happens again, 13 is well old enough to be told: "Don't you dare take that attitude with me. If you continue, you'll go home". End of. They know what's respectful and what's not, you certainly shouldn't have to tolerate the later in your own house.

And certainly not from a 13 year old guest!

Touch wood,we've been really lucky never had any complaints after play dates or sleep overs any of our 5DC have been on.
We have two children that are registered disabled they're both autistic,thankfully they both get invited to parties and play dates and DS(13 and asd)has been invited to sleep overs,DD(7 and asd)is far to young for sleep overs yet.
They're always really well behaved as well when they get invited any where which is brilliant.
Myself,DH and are other 3DC are all really proud of them both,we know it's a lot harder for them.

I've had to tell a few parents,it was really bad behavior,not just being a bit over excited or a bit silly.Silliness and over excited I can deal with,I have 5DC of my own,have taught whole classes on my own and am an auntie and great auntie to a large amount of children.

It sounds like I was really lucky,all the parents believed me straight away and were mortified bless them.
I told the parents not to worry it wasn't they're fault,they weren't there.
But I believe it's my responsibility to let the parents know otherwise how are they supposed to know,how are they supposed to deal with it before it becomes an ongoing problem for they're child and themselves.

I know for a fact that children can be completely different at home to how they are when out of the sights of they're parents!
It's all part of growing up,it's how they test boundaries and how they find themselves,how they find out things about the world around them,how they find out about the differences and similarity's between themselves and they're peers.

Can I ask what you would do if the situation were in reverse- eg- my child came home from a play date saying her friend's brother had been constantly hitting her, but the mother did nothing when my DD reported it, but dismissed it as her 'telling tales'. I found out a couple of hours later, not at collection time, so felt a bit awkward saying anything after that. I have told my DD she is not going there again and we are not having the other child back, but I wonder how many people would have said something to the other parent?

MissP - that one's more tricky, I don't think I'd say anything to the parent "after the event" but would definitely not allow my DC back to their home again. If they questioned why, I might say something then.

I'm a 'call their parents for an early pick up' kind of mum, as it happens we've never had an issue.

If the other mother knew and did nothing then there's only 2 possibilities.

1. She blatantly favours her own children at the expense of being fair and failing to protect other children that she's accepted responsibility for. Your child should never go back there.
2. She thought your dd far from innocent and refused to allow herself to be manipulated into being publicly chastising her child. If its that then your Dd should never go back either as clearly the relationship does not work.
3. The other mother doesn't care and just wants a quiet life. So that's another reason not to send your dd again

scouse - I didn't just stand and take it. He went home having heard my exact thoughts about his behaviour. In fact he got out his phone to secretly record me. (DS saw him but only thought to mention it later).

Thanks Var, DD's friend kept asking her not to tell her Mum as she did not want her brother in trouble. When my DD went to tell her friend ran off and left her to face telling a mum she did not know very well about her own son. I really don't know what to make of it, but I agree DD is not going there again.

Var -- it's a mistake to have more than one child at a time, I have found.

But pandering to picky eaters is something I have always drawn a line at after one little madam said she didn't like the sort of yogurt I had, and why didn't I buy [her favourite]. And she only ate a certain kind of bread. She stood in my kitchen looking at me as if she expected me to wave a wand and make these items appear. I said, 'Well that's a pity sweetheart. Your mom will just have to get you something you like when you get home.' Off she went. Children who are that picky are not hungry imo.

Don't put up with pickiness, and don't bend over backwards trying to feed them. They are not going to suffer if they miss a meal. Most can get fed at home if what you have doesn't suit. You are not running a restaurant. I only served spag bol or spag and meatballs when friends came over. They could have plain spaghetti if they didn't want sauce.

You can be pretty straight with children, as Scouse says. It's not rude, and some of them need a bit of correction. You can certainly say things you mightn't say to an adult.

MissP, I would have an arrangement with your child that she should feign illness or a headache or even that she has diarrhoea and ask the parent to call you to take her home if she is finding a playdate heavy going. If she has a phone you could have some sort of code for 'get me out of here' that she could text.

I think that if you ask any parent that question they will say yes but nobody actually wants to know that their child hasn't been well behaved. If a child was behaving really badly e.g. damaging furniture or hurting children I would call the parent and tell them to pick their child up. If the behaviour isn't bad enough to send them home I wouldn't say anything though.

A mistake to have more than one child at a time?Myself and DH have had 17 children here before,not a birthday party and only 5 of those were our children and they were all good as gold.I think it all depends on the children and the people looking after them sometimes.

We did roast dinner for all those as well.

I'm trying to imagine the call their mum early conversation.

Overtired is a good way of putting it for a child younger than 8 but it would sound a bit odd for a robust 11 year old (for example).

Also does anyone have a cut off send them home time for sleepovers? Luckily I've never had any problems there but I have friends who've told me some horror stories! I couldn't imagine calling anyone to collect their child at 2 am though unless there was a really good reason like a trip to a&e was required

I would always be willing to bring someone home, no matter what time. I wouldn't call and say 'come and get your child' -- best to offer to bring the child home.