to consider moving to the US for 2 years with 4 month old baby?

[Absofrigginlootly]

DH has been offered an amazing opportunity to work in the north midwest of the US for 2 years. Would be almost double his current salary (which is currently good enough for me to be a SAHM to give you an idea... Not bragging!!) and lots of benefits (company would pay for relocation, integration, years rent, contribute to health insurance etc etc). The job is something he would love to do as he hates his current job as there's too much travel and he never gets to see DD during the week..im basically a single parent m-f

Pros:
Proposed working hours would mean DH home by 5.30-6pm m-f so lots of family time that we will never have in our current situation, which is basically only weekends.

We love travelling and seeing the world, this would give us the opportunity to travel /go on holidays around the US.

DH would be happy for the first time in years.... As he wouldn't have ridiculous commute and lots of travel away for work.

Probably last opportunity to do something like this in life before DD would start school and our parents get too old.

Cons:
If we decided to have another DC it wouldn't be straight forward due to fertility problems and need for elective csection next time... Feel quite daunted about doing this in a foreign country. (I'm 33 so have a little time to decide about another DC but not eons of time before the magic/dreaded 35 fertility deadline!! ).

I LOVE the city we currently live in, its the only place I've ever lived that feels like home... And I'm just starting to get out and about with DD to baby groups to make friends.

I would feel very guilty taking DD away from her grandparents.

I'm worried about being in a foreign country with a young baby and no support system /family /friends.

Has anyone else done something similar? Did you enjoy it? Do you have any advice? Am I mad for even considering this?

I'd say go for it. We did 2 years in North America when the children were 5 and 7. We did and saw so much in those 2 years that would be completely unaffordable if we hadn't been in the country already. We made some amazing memories and life long friends.

Although this won't affect you, the schooling issue wasn't a problem for my eldest, but my youngest suffered a little. He caught up when we got home though.

I wouldn't worry about the medical side of things too much. Plenty of ex-pats have babies in the States and I understand that the care was very good.

I can understand the worry about losing your support network but I've found that if you've got young children you very quickly integrate into the local community (as long as you're prepared to get stuck in) and you'll be surprised at how supportive relative strangers can be.

Don't feel too guilty for leaving grandparents behind, flights go both ways and it's only for 2 years. The time really does fly by.

Hardly mad for considering it. It's suburban America, it's not like you're contemplating living in the Antarctic. Two years passes by very quickly if you both like the idea of living in America for a spell then go for it.

Make sure you have VERY good health insurance through your DH's company. Make sure what's covered and make sure the company would medevac you home to the UK if something awful happened. Extreme example but I'm thinking if one of you sustained life-changing injuries or something (God forbid).

Is the company American or British? Be aware that Americans have really awful annual leave, it's normally only 10 days per annum so make sure he's on British T&C's or you may find you don't get as much family time as you think!

Do it. YOLO

Do it! We're 2.5 years into a 3 year US contract and have had the most amazing time. We've visited so many fantastic places and have been able to have a great adventure with the safety net of DH's company supporting us - wouldn't have even considered it without that. Our DC have been in a fabulous school (maths/English/science are pretty much on a par with UK in terms of curriculum, but history and geography very state/USA centric, so we help them fill in the gaps at home), we've made great friends and have seen and experienced life in another country - which we think has been and will be really beneficial for the DC. Yes, we miss family and friends terribly, but we've had lots of visitors and we keep in contact using email and Skype. We're coming back later this year, to our old house (currently rented), and whilst I'll be sad to leave here, my heart is in England and I am so excited about coming back.

I'd say that now is the right time to go, you won't have to worry about school for your child. Bite the bullet and go - as other people have said, you only live once and you'll come back in two years anyway!

We did it with a 2 year old and a 5 month old. We've been here (in the south Midwest) for 2 years now. It's been a great adventure, but I have found the lack of support hard.

Like posters above had said, be aware that if your DH will be working for a U.S. company he'll have less annual leave, and may not get any paid paternity leave. If it's a UK company, make sure he negotiates to get UK amounts of leave! DH did this, and we managed to negotiate for his UK-based employers to pay our plane fare home every 6 months, which sweetened the blow for the grandparents. (You may find family members are keen to visit you. DHs retiree parents came over for a month last year which was brilliant!)

Good health insurance is a must, but even with it be aware that you still need to pay a certain amount out of pocket for most things.

Go for it. Your DD is the best age possible in terms of being unsettled by moving. I doubt she'll even notice she's crossed continents at 4 months.

I went to the US to join DH (who had a two-year contract) with a very tiny baby. We have never regretted going and still sometimes do the 'Oooh, if we'd stayed...' We liked where we lived so much that we've been back on holiday.

I joined a mother-and-baby group and we made loads of friends, some of whom we're still in touch with 20 years later. They were my support network: I had a MC when there and friends brought us food round. We used to swap babysitting.

The US is beautiful, well worth seeing, and if you're living there, it's easy to see a lot of it (we regret that we used so much holiday time and money on return trips to the UK: we should have just buggered off for the two years!) I agree with PPs about the leave entitlement. Also check the healthcare: it's great in the US (if you're insured...), but keep an eye on things like limits and % co-pay.

I actually feel envious...

PS My parents took my overseas when I was a small child and it was mind-expanding for me.

I'd do it in a shot - it's only two years and grandparents can visit. There's no language barrier and the US is not very foreign, especially if you've watched a lot of US TV.

But please, you're not 'basically a single parent m-f'.

Go for it! As bluebird said, make sure you have health cover for the whole family under your DH's policy. With Skype etc today the grandparents can have frequent sight of your little one and hopefully be able to visit. Annual leave is much less than we are used to here, but you can have a holiday back to the UK while DH is working if the GPs aren't able to travel to you. As for making friends and finding support, you will be instantly fascinating because of your accent. Be sure to say car and margarine and aluminium frequently (those are the ones people requested from me when I lived there, I daresay you will discover your own set!) and you'll be fine
Friends of mine went to Illinois for 2 years when their boys were 1.5 and 3. They have extended twice as they love it there.

Sounds amazing!
Invite the grandparents to visit often and skype all the time. Oh and get ready for some serious snow.

I lived in the Midwest and had dc1 one there, if you have good private insurance the hospitals where I was were much better staffed. People are also much friendlier there, so easy to make new friends compared to the UK ime. Re grandparents, hard for them but otoh, my dc didn't start missing their gps until they wee 3+. I'd do it in a second as it massively benefits your core family for v little downside. Your second dc could also have dual nationality if born there so a shot at US universities :)

Sounds like s great opportunity! I'd do it! I don't have any practical advice but seems everyone has very going points re leave & insurance. I'd struggle leaving my family too but I think it would be worth it...! Exciting!! Good luck!

Do it. I live in the US and I say go for it. If it is only 2 years, everyone will come out and visit you - grandparents could stay for a month etc.

Generally speaking people are very family friendly here. You'll find mother and baby groups through your local library/town. I came here knowing no one and found it easy enough to make friends. Once I had children I realised it would even be easier if I had had babies.

You may find infertility treatment will be covered under your health insurance.

Definitely watch the annual leave though. In big companies it mightn't be as bad as 10 days a year but it won't be anything like UK holidays. very few people take 2 week holidays here in the summer and a week at christmas.

Oh good advice to make sure dh negotiates on vacation time - the standard is a paltry 10-13 days and people accrue more via years in the job or negotiate up front if moving jobs. There are also fewer public holiday days off.

Do it! I'd chew my left arm off for an opportunity like that.

do it - we did when ds was 2 and it was an amazing experience

There's plenty of evidence to suggest that there isn't a fertility cliff at 35. I've got a 5 month old and I'm in my late 30s.

Thanks everyone, they have already said they would keep his annual leave on his current uk terms so that wouldn't change.

squoosh I guess I just mean that the postnatal period is not known for being the most rational time to make big decisions, what with all them 'ormones!!! ;)

oddfodd sorry, didn't mean to offend. I shouldn't have been so flippant. I appreciate my situation is no where near as tough as being a single parent. I guess I just mean that I am often completely on my own with DD day and night for days on end when DH is out of the country with work.

To those of you who did it with small children, did you find it tough with no family support? Did you make friends easily despite culture differences etc?

Do it! Sounds amazing, very jealous and I'd imagine you could put a lot of money away in savings or whatever with the extra Dh is making out there?

Yes it's tough not to have family support, but it's a much easier place to make friends - I've had a dc in the U.S. and also lived far away from family in the UK and I'd choose the Midwest every time. Hard to feel alone there, people will chat to you for 10 mins in the supermarket given half a chance! my us friends with dc have huge networks of mom friends

if it's a short term contract for 2 years, why not? I moved out to NYC with my firm I worked for in the UK, to 'give it a go' for 18 months, and 4 years later I'm still here having got married and now expecting my first kid

It is v different to the UK in terms of culture, attitude and peoples friendliness; I came expecting it to be a bit like the UK, but tbh, I have found it very different

from what you've written, here's my take on it, can provide more info if you want anything!

• as PP have said, get your husband to negotiate on holidays, esp if you want to see the country. Vacation time here is generally pretty rubbish unless your senior management. We get 20 days which is pretty unusual and people stay at the firm for that. Also remember as well as trips round the USA, you'll probably want to factor in a week or so here and there for trips back to the UK to see family / christmas etc

• The US is v family friendly, and I think more so than the UK. Its more the norm here to have kids and they're catered to as such. You will find playgroups etc dotted around the place
• costs of living; IME, food shopping is way more expensive than the UK. Our grocery bill makes me wince, and there's no 3 way supermarket war to get stuff like loo roll etc cheap. It may be cos we're in the city, but it was still a shock, especially if you want decent quality meat and fresh fruit and veg
• costs of bills; there's little to no competition on cell phones, cable (sky equivalent) internet etc. At best, you'll have 2-3 providers to choose from all charging similar
• depending on where you live, and schools etc, you'll probably need 2 cars. Only right in the big cities is public transport a thing

- weather; sounds weird, but depending on where your locating, you could be facing 3-4 months of winter at around -15C which is pretty hardcore, esp when you have kids as it can make getting outside tricky!

• Health insurance; make sure your husband has good health insurance and it covers the whole family. On the plus side, if it's good you will have no issue with your concern on the fertility issues and the ELCS. If you go down this route, you'll probably be surprised at what tests you're offered (and how quickly) the care you can get and you will be under the guidance of a dedicated OB-GYN which makes a massive difference. I would say that from ppl at work I know who have been pregnant, ELCS is offered way more routinely than the UK. Not having to see the GP for everything is a plus point (the downside is the cost...)

Boring stuff:

• Tax; get him to check whether his firm will do his UK and US taxes. My company paid for mine through the first year through a consultancy. It's a total ball ache filing in the US, and you need all the help you can get
• Bank accounts; you'll need to figure out whether you keep banking in the UK with an international account or open up in the US. If you open in the US you will need a social security no (bit like a NI number) and can only get this if you're working; you can get one as the spouse of someone who's a legal alien. The kicker here tho is credit history - it doesn't move countries with you so getting a credit card / lease agreement for cars etc can be tough in the first 6 months.

Overall I would do it! You have nothing to lose for a finite amount of time of 2 years and you all (esp DD) have a massive amount to gain by making the move, in terms of experiencing a new culture. I also found out masses about myself as its exciting and it does test you and challenge you in ways you don't expect

Just to correct something misssmilla: it is not necessary to get a ni number to open a bank account but it helps a lot since a lot of bank workers dont know thai it is not a requirement. You are elligible to get a ni number if you are elligible to work, not necesarily working. And last i checked you are elligible to work if you have an L visa, which is for intracompany transfer. If your oh has an H visa then you are not elligible for a nin.

Yes, it's likely that your DH will have an L1 visa and you'll get an L2, which means you will be eligible to work and can get a SS number (you don't have to work, just have to be eligible).

As misssmilla says, the weather can be an issue. The state where we live has very cold winters and extremely hot summers (not to mention tornadoes!) and it does make getting outdoors with the children tricky. You learn to appreciate the temperate months of spring and fall, get out early in the day in the summer and develop an expert knowledge of local indoor activities.

Getting credit was indeed a pain in the arse. DH's gave us a loan to buy a car in the end!

Cell phone contracts are ridiculously expensive!