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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to consider moving to the US for 2 years with 4 month old baby?

37 replies

Absofrigginlootly · 16/02/2015 17:16

DH has been offered an amazing opportunity to work in the north midwest of the US for 2 years. Would be almost double his current salary (which is currently good enough for me to be a SAHM to give you an idea... Not bragging!!) and lots of benefits (company would pay for relocation, integration, years rent, contribute to health insurance etc etc). The job is something he would love to do as he hates his current job as there's too much travel and he never gets to see DD during the week..im basically a single parent m-f

Pros:
Proposed working hours would mean DH home by 5.30-6pm m-f so lots of family time that we will never have in our current situation, which is basically only weekends.

We love travelling and seeing the world, this would give us the opportunity to travel /go on holidays around the US.

DH would be happy for the first time in years.... As he wouldn't have ridiculous commute and lots of travel away for work.

Probably last opportunity to do something like this in life before DD would start school and our parents get too old.

Cons:
If we decided to have another DC it wouldn't be straight forward due to fertility problems and need for elective csection next time... Feel quite daunted about doing this in a foreign country. (I'm 33 so have a little time to decide about another DC but not eons of time before the magic/dreaded 35 fertility deadline!! ).

I LOVE the city we currently live in, its the only place I've ever lived that feels like home... And I'm just starting to get out and about with DD to baby groups to make friends.

I would feel very guilty taking DD away from her grandparents.

I'm worried about being in a foreign country with a young baby and no support system /family /friends.

Has anyone else done something similar? Did you enjoy it? Do you have any advice? Am I mad for even considering this?

OP posts:

OddFodd · 16/02/2015 21:51

That's okay - it gets said a lot on here and I know it's shorthand for not seeing much of your partner in the week :)

I think timing-wise it's really perfect actually for you - your baby will just be starting to engage with the wider world and in the two stints I've had in the US (midwest and west coast) Americans are on the whole very friendly and welcoming. I think you'll really enjoy it and your favourite city and your friends will still be here when you come back.

Caterina99 · 17/02/2015 00:29

I currently live in the Chicago suburbs. Been here nearly 2 years and moved out here for what looks like similar reasons to you. Fab job for DH, double his salary etc etc.

We had no kids when we came, but are now expecting our first. I'd say go for it, but it is what you make of it. I know several woman in my situation through DHs work and many love it here, have made the most of baby groups, voluntary work, church, new friends etc, but some haven't as they have struggled to make new friends and feel isolated. In my opinion if you go out and make the effort, Midwesterners are very friendly and welcoming. Most people often have grandparents and family etc visiting for several weeks at a time, especially in the summer!

Healthcare is not an issue if you have full coverage through your DHs work (look into it though). So far my prenatal care has been fine, and I've heard nothing but good reports from my expat friends who've already given birth here.

The worst for me is being away from family and friends, but we Skype often and have had a constant stream of visitors. We've been back to the UK twice, and also done a bit of travelling in the USA.

You can always go back home if you hate it!

Caterina99 · 17/02/2015 00:33

Also yes I agree credit was a pain to start with. My DHs company guarantored us for a rental flat, and gave us a company loan to buy a car.

wobblyweebles · 17/02/2015 02:28

Is it Chicago? It's a fantastic city.

I moved to the US with children aged 2, 4 and 6. I made friends really easily eg I'd be at the playpark, people would chat, we'd swap phone numbers, they'd invite me over. They're still my friends 8 years on.

Find out if fertility treatment will be covered on your health insurance. It is on some policies.

If/when you get pregnant you choose your ob/gyn practice, and from then on you will be treated by the same doctors/nurses throughout your pregnancy, and they will also deliver your baby.

It will be really really cold in winter and really really hot in summer. In winter you'll want a car, and a lot of warm clothing eg LLBean or Land's End stuff - snow boots, really warm coat, ski gloves etc. In summer you will spend most of your life at the pool or beach.

Look for a local nanny agency or use Sittercity or local noticeboards to find a mother's help.

Then start planning your holidays. Next summer I plan to do Utah, Arizona and Yosemite :-)

Mickeysmonkey · 17/02/2015 03:00

Do it! I live in the Upper Midwest and it's the greatest place to have children. Best thing we ever did was moving out here. Can I ask which state you'll be in? We are in MN and love it...

steff13 · 17/02/2015 04:02

Do it! It will be such a good experience. If you're near Ohio, look me up

CheerfulYank · 17/02/2015 04:13

I live in Minnesota too Mickey!

I'm not an expat though, I was born in Ohio and moved to Minnesota when I was 8. :) 24 years ago now.

Eekaman · 17/02/2015 04:15

Why aren't you on the plane already?

(We brought a toddler to New South Wales for a three month position. Nine years later we are still here and only this morning did the last grandparent hop on a flight home after a 3 month stay.

Mutley77 · 17/02/2015 05:57

I am going against the tide a bit here :) We are currently on a similar secondment and came with our DC (age 4 and 7) but had DC3 here - I arrived heavily pregnant! It is absolutely fine managing without support and you will be able to cope as long as you have addressed the practical issues, eg insurance, in advance.

However, it sounds like you are only thinking of doing a stint like this once and we have met many ex pats who move when their DC are both (all) primary school age, which just seems soooo much easier. I love my DC3 to bits and don't regret the decision to have her for a minute, but we could have made more of this opportunity with school-aged DC, who are far more portable, than we can with also having a baby in tow. No nappies, no bottles, no prams - the ability to just up and travel is so much easier (especially here where the schools are so much more relaxed about taking time out during term time) - and if I was in your position, thinking of doing an overseas stint once, I would get my family complete and wait til the youngest was 3-4 then go and see how it pans out :) IMO as long as you are in your permanent place by the time the oldest starts secondary school there is no problem in terms of education - and moving at primary school age means the DC remember it, enjoy it, share the experience more fully - and most importantly, become more resilient :)

SolasEile · 17/02/2015 06:13

We made that exact move, although to a different part of the U.S. , when DS was 4 months old. There was an element of postnatal brain fog involved for me as I was on a total baby hormone high when we decided to move but it turned out to be the right decision for us. I've made some great friends here, lovely 'mom' friends and a great network of support. Having young DC under 3 is actually a great way to meet people and make friends especially if you're a SAHM as everyone is in the same boat, stuck in the house with a baby / toddlers and looking to meet people.

Two differences with us are:

I didn't like where I was living before we moved and felt very ready to move somewhere new.

We didn't have much family support to begin with as GPs are not very hands-on so moving abroad made little difference to the amount of help we had. It is definitely tough being far away from family with a young baby but it wouldn't have been vastly better for us back home. If you do have family support where you are and it's important to you in helping you cope then I'd think twice about the move.

4 months is a good age to move - they're flexible, not in a routine yet, not too attached to anything so no reason not to move on that account.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 17/02/2015 09:43

We moved to US with work, stayed 10 years. Both children born there, returned home when they were 1 and 3.

Once you have good medical insurance, the care is the best in the world. So I would have no worries on that front. (But do check into your medical insurance cover to ensure it is good, and that it covers any specific requirements that you have).

I managed very well with 2 under 2 (22 months between them). I made the most of mother and toddler groups, and all the various activities for babies/toddlers. I had a ball.

When we were offered the move, we knew opportunity probably wouldn't arise again. So that pushed us to accept it. We were determined to make the most of it, and we really really enjoyed our time there. (We planned to stay for 3-5 years and stayed 10. Only returned home because a similar one-off chance to relocate back came up).

We rented out our house while we were gone. That gave us the security of having our house to move back into whenever we returned home. (Though we purchased a bigger house when we returned with the money we had saved while in US, and kept the old house as a rental).

It will be what you make of it.

Good luck!!

ImperialBlether · 17/02/2015 09:55

Is anyone here thinking of all the grannies reading this thread with their hearts sinking?

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