AIBU to think that my baby just prefers a bottle?

[OhMjh]

12 week old pretty much EBF ( bar the odd bottle when my DM has had her) DD was perfect with breast feeding up until her 8 week vaccinations but now it's hellish. The only way I can get her to feed is by pulling her dummy out, shoving my boob in and hoping for the best. Sometimes, it's fine. Other times, I have to repeat said process 7 times over - I am at my witts end. The only times she happily feeds are late evening(bedtime feed)/night feed/first feed of the day when she's all sleepy and snug, so id keep up with those.

But she takes a bottle instantly. Which makes me feel like crap.

It's not my milk, as she'll happily have that in a bottle but I'm shit at expressing and just can't get enough - it took me a week to pump 12oz for an afternoon out and even then she had to have formula too. At a recent weigh in, she'd dropped another centile to the 25th from the 75th at birth and because she's off the centile because she's so long, they've suggested that my milk isn't fatty enough for her and that formula top ups would be a good idea anyway.
My nipples are quite small and I think she might just prefer the flow of the bottle maybe. Who bloody knows. I'm rambling now. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time and beating myself up over this.

I'd just quite like someone to tell me that it's okay to give her bottles because it's easier than the constant battle we have in the daytime.

"they've suggested that my milk isn't fatty enough for her and that formula top ups would be a good idea anyway"

Not sure that's likely unless you're starving yourself. (Unless "they" are the evil Nestle................)

It's ok to give her bottles. You could see if there is a local breastfeeding group near you and ask the coordinator if she can help. Hopefully someone with more knowledge than me comes along soon .

Babies like bottles because they require pretty much no work to get the milk out. They'll always take the path of least resistance.

You'd be well advised to ask in Feeding because this topic might turn into a bunch of unhelpful nonsense. Of course a bottle is easier. They can passively suck up masses of milk very quickly. Much easier. Which may be why formula fed babies can have a few more issues with weight as adults. Or not, who knows?

Have you seen someone who is an expert in BFing rather than these very helpful, I'm sure, people talking about top-ups (bad for supply), small nipples (used to feed babies for millions of years) and fat in milk?

Of course it's fine to give her bottles. You are doing a great job, do whatever feels right to you. I bf one dc for 9 months, one for 6 weeks and one for 2 weeks. I did what was right for us all at the time, and they are all healthy and happy.

She's too old to go to the breast feeding clinic at the hospital now, and our nearest NCT one is a 20 minute drive and I don't drive, annoyingly. The HV, who said all the lovely things about fat/nipples/top ups has 'no real clue' as to what the problem is, and I just feel a bit helpless really.

Have you tried skin to skin as much as possible and feed as she is just waking if it's easier to catch her half asleep (and she'll be less grumpy than trying when she's tired).

Hello

Both of mine became very lazy with their latch around this age because of their dummies - Wouldnt have been without it though as they would have been stuck to me instead.

I had to work really hard at getting a good latch. I usually ended up putting my thumb/finger of chin so their mouth was wide open to get enough breast tissue. It took a good month of paying close attention to latch but worked in the end

I exclusively expressed milk for DD when conventional feeding didn't work out. I used bottles that mimicked breastfeeding so she still had to work for it. Had to change my diet to keep the milk coming - oats, plenty of water, fenugreek tablets and good quality protein. I had gallons of the stuff and lasted 8 months. Worth trying?

The weight charts in the red books are designed for formula fed babies who on average put on weight in a much more linear way than an average breast fed baby. So I really wouldn't take much notice of them.
Is your baby happy & content? That's more important than what line they are on the chart.
I agree with a pp that babies will normally get on better with a bottle as there is hardly any work on their part whereas they have to suck harder to get breastmilk.
Are you feeding her on demand or to time? If you are feeding to time then adjust and try and wait until your daughter is looking for milk and see if that makes a difference.

I had the exact same and at the exact same time, even same feeds were accepted!! I tried to do paced bottle feeding-Google it-to mimic the slower breast feed and was demented from expressing 4 feeds a day. Startex to doubt myself/supply etc but kept at it...was really important that I was relaxed and that relaxed him. He had colic at the time which meant he wS fussy in general. It probably went on for two-three weeks and I kept trying and got each feed back...it just resolved itself. . It's not you or your milk tho but do drink plenty of water just so you're not doubting yourself and getting in a tizz at feed time. Best of luck hope it works out.

It's fine to give bottles .You could also mix feed as a compromise.

My ds went through stages of only wanting to bottle feed and it's exhausting having to constantly express. Both times he did this is was just a stage he grew out of but I found it very draining.

I second posting in infant feeding. The stuff about your milk not being fatty enough is rubbish.

Your local sure start might have a peer support group, with no age limit.

Does she show any signs of reflux? DD went through a stage of refusing feeds at around the same age/might have been slightly younger. And we tracked it down to me drinking too much caffeine, giving her reflux. Like yourDD, she would feed when sleepy but that was all. Perhaps it's a different position when you bottle feed her and that's why she's ok with that.

I would second the idea of posting on the feeding board.

Not to slag HVs (some of them are wonderful) but many of them haven't got a clue about BF - limited training and limited/no experience themselves - so don't take what she said to heart. Can you phone a BFC to reassure you/offer some advice?

That's interesting purplepoodle about the dummy...didn't make that connection myself. Definitely the sleepy feeds easier. When all was sorted feeds-wise I took him to sacro-cranial once and that sorted the pain..

You have had some good advice her on how to continue with bf but if you decide the switch to ff instead then there is nothing wrong with that.
If it's the right thing for you and your baby then don't let anyone else's opinion put you off doing it.
As long as your baby is thriving then there is nothing wrong with making life easier for everyone concerned.

Oh and do you want tips about expressing? Being really relaxed, thinking about the baby (or oddly, thinking about sex) works. I made myself, thanks to MN, a very fetching bra with nipple holes so that I could hands-free express.

Round about 8 weeks babies often suddenly grow. It's possible that you need to tweak your positioning and go back to basics. Muscle memory means that we end up holding the bum in the same place, but as baby's head grows further from the bum you end up kind of armpit feeding. This is frustrating for baby.

Give the National Breastfeeding Helpline a call. I think there are lots of things to discuss and they may be able to help you access real life support locally. 0300 100 0212

Tons of good advice, thank you all so much.
She was 8lb at birth, and at 11 weeks she was 11lb 9oz which puts her on the 25th centile. If I was to do anything, I'd combine feed as the feeds I mentioned are fine. I'm waiting on a call back from Milk matters to see if they can offer any support or advice. It's just incredibly frustrating, the way she'll scream and turn away from my boob as if she hates it or something. She has two teeth trying to make a break for it, so I do wonder if that could be a factor. I do want to keep feeding her exclusively, but it's just so draining and feels like a chore, rather than something which is enjoyed by both of us.

It is draining. She doesn't hate it. If you want to continue you can and hopefully this will be short lived. I think back to that time and remember how hard it was but also so glad I kept at it. Seemed like overnight it disappeared. Keep trying each feed yourself before giving bottle and even swap back to boob during.

Hi, sounds like things are quite frustrating for you at the moment. Definitely things you can try if you want to carry on ebf (and enjoy it, crucially!), perhaps try a few things to increase your supply... Offer boob instead of dummy when you can as comfort sucking is important to maintain supply, also if baby is having a bottle try and express at the same time so that your boobs have the signal to make more milk - think of each feed as setting up an order for the next feed. More milk left in your breast means less milk being made... That might be a reason why baby seems to get a bit cross at the breast. Google breast compression aswell as that hhelps boost supply. Hth.

I ebf ds for 6 months and it was always a chore, I really think he hated it. I didn't give him bottles and I would have liked him to have a dummy but he spat them out. So that wasn't the reason. When I started him on bottle feeds he was so happy and I wish I'd done it sooner.

Our local breastfeeding clinic only accepts up to 5 weeks old which is ridiculous as things are constantly changing when you're breastfeeding, i.e. as feeding patterns change, as they grow bigger, when teeth come through. Do you have a local surestart centre? They tend to have breastfeeding cafes or check out La Leche League. I agree with PP about babies preferring whatever is easiest. There are several great support groups on FB as well such as The Leaky Boob and ask your GP about lactation consultants.
Of course, at the end of the day, if you are getting really stressed about your baby refusing your nipple, just give a bottle. As long as they are fed and have a healthy, happy mum that's what's important.

The red book charts are vased on bf not formula fed now.
12w is quite early for teething, but it can make them feed more/less.

My eldest did this. She was ebf until 4 months, sucked her own thumb from 8 weeks (no dummy). She had to start having bottles from 4months as I'd left XP and he was obviously feeding her during his access time. She went on full breast strike after about 3 weeks of having a few bottles a week. By 5 months she was screaming and arching her back when I undid my bra and by 6 months the only breastfeed left was at 5am when she was sleepy enough not to fight me off.

She had her last BF at 7 months, I had wanted to nd for at least 12 months. HV and nursing "support" groups gave me all the standard advice and then acted as if I really wanted to give up because none of it worked therefore I must be secretly sabotaging myself on purpose.

As she grew up it became clear she wasn't neurotypical. Turns out she has ASD and ADHD, and very likely it was sensory issues that caused her to reject the breast as soon as a different option was presented (she wouldn't let you hold her to bottle feed her and didn't spontaneously ask for a hug until she was 4 - she can be tactile but rarely and on HER terms). #2 I bf for 26 months and #3 is 25 months and still going. Interestingly I suspect #3 may also have ASD but I have never given him a bottle so he had no choice and has kept on. But he is also much cuddlier than #1 was anyway.

I'm not suggesting your baby has sensory issues, I just wanted to tell you my story because I literally felt like crap for four years over my "failure" to feed her and it turned out to be nothing much to do with me/my milk/bf anyway. Please, whatever you decide to do do NOT fall into the trap of blaming yourself or thinking some element you're in charge of isn't up to scratch. I'm sure every single day you get up and do the best for your kid in your shared circumstances and that IS ENOUGH. Hang in there, and best of luck whatever happens next.