To consider my relationship because of OTT, drama-queen behaviour?

[mybabymybabymine]

DP is such a drama queen.

Sometimes he has to work nights. This is just something he has to do in his chosen profession. But honestly the DRAMA every time he is on nights.

He emerges around 4 and ROARS out a yawn that seems to last forever. Then I have at least an hour of him making cups of tea and coffee and declaring how tired he is. At ten second intervals, seriously. When he comes in from working nights and from days for that matter you'd be forgiven for thinking he had spent a week down the mines.

He just rang me about wanting to do something but the way he was going about it - muttering, talking very fast,repeatedly saying my name: I felt like I was being questioned in a police cell.

He is also permanently convinced he is ill. He goes to his GP twice/three times a week. He has a bigger medical file than has ever been seen before and munchausens (sp?) has been brought up as a possibility.

He had a row with his friends two months ago and he still keeps roaring about it.

I'm exhausted and fed up. I never get asked how I am. There's no room for me.

Wow- that would drive me crazy. And the GPs 2/3 times a WEEK? Surely that is cause for concern?!

Do you live together? Have kids together? If no to both, dump.

Sometimes it can be more to be honest treacle. He is obsessed with medicine and tablets. If you even mention a stomach ache or sickness he tries to make you take medicine

There's definitely something not right. I think he has Aspergers but possibly other stuff as well.

Expat unfortunately yes to both

Has he always been like this or has it come on lately? Lots more medical apps since you had baby by any chance? Is it an attention thing?

I could not cope with that! Either he gets treatment or you move on. Simple. What sort of example is he setting your children?

He's always been like this but it's just got worse and worse and worse.

I'm honestly not sure if it's an attention thing - I think he genuinely does see himself as normal. He has very few friends, is very socially isolated. He's had counselling but it didn't seem to make any difference. He just, from what I gleaned from what he told me about the sessions, seemed to whine about how badly his friends treated him.

This sounds exhausting. 2-3 medical appointments a week?! What are the Dr's telling him each time? Is it usually different ailments?

I don't have any useful advice I'm afraid, other than that I couldn't live with this. Have you tried to talk to him about it? If so what does he say?

I've tried to raise it with him. With the medical stuff he gets very huffy and starts to insist he is genuinely unwell. Man flu really does exist here. He was ill, a few years ago now, but it was self inflicted really. Not that he'll admit that!

There's just no room for me or children or anything else. He is so self centred.

Is he being prescribed medication? You say munchausen's has been raised; who raised it? What was his reaction? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get some insight and hopefully have some suggestions!

I mean when he goes to the Dr's do they agree he is ill and medicate, or is he just reassured and sent away?

I couldn't stand this, day in day out, it sounds like his mental health is suffering and you're in the line of fire.

Oh gosh yes, he's on loads!

Well,this will make me identifiable but he is a nurse and could not practice for a while due to his health. He has to attend regular fitness to practice meetings and one of these raised munchausens as a possibility due to the size of his medical file.

presumably he wasn't always like this or you never would have got with him in the first place?

I'd find it very draining. Ultimatum 'change your ways or it's curtains' talk is called for I'd say.

It's concerning that he visits the doctor so often.

Why do you think he has Aspergers though?

I couldn't deal with this. Do you have DC?

There was a thread yesterday about a DH with health anxiety, he constantly thought he was unwell. Maybe this is what your DH has ? (I don't know anything about it , just what I was reading yesterday), it would seem more plausible than Munchausens, I would think. Does he nurse where he comes into contact with infectious diseases?

The drama around nightshifts would drive me mad as well.

Was the munchausens thing followed up on? I think id have to be very frank. Tell him how it's affecting you and the children and how it's making you feel. How draining it is. Suggest he goes back to counselling. To be honest you've got nothing to lose as living with it must be unbearable!

No, it wasn't followed up on - they said it was something to be considered but that was it, really, in the context of a general discussion about his mental and physical health.

He has had to see a psychiatrist because of this. However, this is attached to the conditions of practice. Even mentioning the words 'NMC' to him (nursing and midwifery council) get him in a twisted frenzy of anxiety and so he was never particularly open or honest with the psychiatrist. They did establish a few things mostly relating to his mother but not much on his health.

I read that thread and I don't think DP has health anxiety as such: it's more that ill-health allows him to disengage from life. It serves as an excuse for not doing a lot and it serves as a reason as to why things haven't gone as he wanted them to thus far.

Re Aspergers - bit of a lazy point but he's classic. Can't read facial expressions or tone of voice, focuses on one thing to the detriment of everything else, no sense of humour unless someone is hurt. No idea of appropriate topics of conversation.

It's very hard work.

I'm stunned that someone who is at the doctors that often hasn't been referred for psychological help.
It sounds like a compulsion, and a very unhealthy one.

He would certainly benefit from a Mindfulness course which teaches you how to let go of negative thoughts.

I'm afraid it sounds like he needs specialist help, there's not a lot you will be able to do (except be his audience) and leaving would do you a lot of good by the sound of it

Miggsie, I honestly can't go on like this, but I do feel awful. I know from reading my posts it must look like "why are you still there!" but I have ended up inadvertently being dragged into the role as carer which is what is so hard.

I never get asked how I am. I certainly can't be unwell as that's his remit (luckily I am strong as an ox generally.)

I think that there are a number of very lazy doctors who just prescribe him something to get rid of him: he is a difficult patient and I think it's not entirely coincidental that he is discharged from hospital almost as soon as he's admitted!

I can see that it's hard, if you say anything it will look like you're not sympathetic to his genuine (in his mind at least) illnesses and that you're being selfish by wanting the attention back on you. Very tough.

To be frank I think you need to decide whether you can put up with this any longer. If not, tell him exactly what you think. If nothing changes, leave. You don't need an excuse to leave him. Being unhappy with him and with the situation is a perfectly valid reason.

Thank you

It's a frustrating and miserable situation.

What type of medication ate the drs giving him?