Mil & cleaning

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Mil is very traditional and likes to take on the role of cooking cleaning etc.

It rubbed of on dp who used to be a lazy so and so but is getting much better.

He's selling his house as we're moving in together, we're emptying the house and sorting through stuff and mil turns up to 'help ME clean for him'.

I wanted to sort through stuff and go to skip/charity shop, was no point cleaning as not moving out for 3 weeks so imo it will need going over again due to moving furniture touching up bits of paint/sanding down etc. she took it upon herself to hoover rooms I'd already done.

I wanted to do the skip runs but ended up feeling obliged to wipe doorframes while dp got on with the man jobs.

My nose was pushed out of joint and now there is talk of her coming to help me clean when my baby comes.

Dp and I have lower standards than her but are not complete slatterns. I want dp to step up and this does not help him to do so. It just gets on my nerves but I'm supposed to be grateful for the help.

I do get where you are coming from with regard to the overzealous cleaning by your MIL, and the possibility of feeling judged by her.

My MIL could be rather like this too. To her, everything, and I mean everything, always had to be spotless. Everything also always had to be ironed, but just shirts, but towels, tea towels socks underwear. Literally every single item that ever went in the washing machine. I think me marrying into the family over 20 years ago now was a culture shock revelation to her. I do basic cleaning and don't live in a hovel but I am not excessive about it, as she was (she died last year). The fact that I barely iron a thing and can just about find my iron once in a blue moon was anathema to her. Sometimes I did feel judged by it, but fortunately she didn't tend to interfere too often.

It really is a case of pick your battles. If your MIL wants to clean something that would hardly occur to you to do then if it isn't too intrusive just let her get on with it. I remember coming into my kitchen to find my MIL sitting beside the back door (ours is in the kitchen) polishing the cat flap!! The kids' wellies (normally kept in the utility out of sight) were beside her and sparkling as though brand new. She considered that those were essential household jobs which everyone should do. I was bemused by it and did briefly consider feeling judged, but decided that if she really wanted to make work for herself then why not let her just get on with it?? Husband and I found it comical later on when she had gone home. It was years ago and the cat flap has not been polished since, to the relief of my cat, who preferred it as it was.

You have to see how things go when the baby comes. You never know how the birth will go even though it is your second one. All three of mine were totally different. You might feel differently then, and you will be coping with two children than, one being a newborn. It is quite different to when you just have your first baby and no other.

Don't be afraid to tell her (diplomatically if possible) what you would find most helpful - cooking meals, doing laundry, anything you and your partner decide would be best.

It took me about 4 years to accept my MIL's help. She would just start taking pots and pans from the cupboard and cleaning and rearranging it. I was outraged.

Now I think "YES! MIL's coming! Clean house for free!!" And she's happy.

Its been 7 years here and I am still pretty outraged at stuff like this from mil! How would she like it if I turned up at hers with my marigolds to clean her kitchen? She would rightly be affronted and consider me either mad or rude. I have had to slowly and gently get mil used to leaving my house alone. I don't want to offend her, she's lovely, but I don't want her rummaging through my laundry looking for things that "need" ironing or declaring that she's brought several meals because I can't cook adequately due to the fact that I work. It comes from a good place but I still think she is really really rude to do this.

Oh my mil does this , she turns up with a suitcase full of food and cleaning stuff, it used to really annoy and upset me but as I've got older I say lovely , crack on , and il have a cup of tea when you've got time, oh and what's for tea,don't take it personally, take advantage spesh when the baby arrives, or if you really can't stand it send her round to mine, I only see mine once or twice a year!!!

It is reveresed in our family, i spent news years cleaning cleaning HER cooker, impromised to turn up next new tear wit a bottle of mr muscle and lots of scourers.

She wasnt offended, if it pleased me to do a job she hated all fine, i am the same when my family clean my house, as to quote my sister "i like cleaning your house you can see what you have done" offended Nope not 1 bit.