Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To find the phrase "He took me out" a bit....something...

74 replies

MrsTawdry · 15/02/2015 22:05

I know it's the way people describe a partner taking the initiative and perhaps booking somewhere...or arranging an outing...but I find it annoying.

I just read on another thread "She got taken out for a meal and a walk by the canal"

And I thought...like a dog!?

This isn't a thread about a thread because this phrase has annoyed me before.

"He took me out"

"He never takes me out"

What's up with "We don't go out much" or "He's never arranged a night out for us!"

Do men say "She took me out for a meal"

???

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 16/02/2015 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 16/02/2015 00:51

It's harking back to the days when women didn't go out alone...nor had the means to pay for anything if they did!

OP posts:

hijk · 16/02/2015 00:59

I don't think it is sexist, it is n't even mostly used from men to women, in my experience. For example, my mother took me out for lunch last week, I took DS out for pizza this evening. I am not sure if I have EVER used it in the context of a man taking me out. Nothing sexist about it at all, no weighting towards women being passive, it is just a phrase which means one person has planned and paid for doing something with another.

googoodolly · 16/02/2015 05:35

How is it sexist when people use it in all kinds of situations, though? When I go to see my parents, I take them out for dinner. I take DP out for his birthday and I take the DSC out for a treat.

Or is it sexist when DP says it (because he's a man ) but fine for me to say it?

SoupDragon · 16/02/2015 07:15

All these people that say "ooh fancy getting your knickers in a twist, it's only a turn of phrase" are missing the point massively.

I'm not.

editthis · 16/02/2015 07:29

I agree that language is important, but I must confess I have never been troubled by this before. (And I have form for pedantry and zeal.)

It's harking back to the days when women didn't go out alone...nor had the means to pay for anything if they did! I see this, but since the finances are shared equally in our household, it's more to do with initiative than cost; so if I bought theatre tickets I'd be doing the taking, and if he decided we were going to the seaside, he would. Saying that, I agree it's a pretty twee phrases and I don't tend to discuss our plans in that self-conscious way to friends; we will simply "have been" to the theatre or seaside.

Must think of some more etymologically unsound phrases to boycott.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 16/02/2015 07:40

"when couples co-habit or are married...then finances are all the same...."

Now that OP, is something to get annoyed about.

Not a surprise jolly down to Nando's.

BlackDaisies · 16/02/2015 08:04

My exh always used to say he had taken me out/ taken me on holiday. This was despite the fact we always split the cost (to the last penny). He would generally say it to friends and family, as a way of making out he was a kind and generous partner. There was also the underlying clear message that I was incapable of organising holidays or getting us there.

Obviously it can be used as a treat, but it really is used in a "keep the little woman in her place" way too by some people.

I remember being really taken aback when he first started doing it. It changed the whole tone of a normal night out/ holiday into something he always organised and paid for, which wasn't true.

editthis · 16/02/2015 08:16

Ooh, BlackDaisies, yes, that would drive me mad.

Squeegle · 16/02/2015 08:30

YANBU, I quite agree with mrstawdry, it tends to be used by men about women! and is a bit of a throwback.

I don't like it, it makes me feel like a subservient person! I might in return take a man out- but I wouldn't dream of saying "I'm taking xx out', I would just say, I'm treating xx or we're going out.

My dad always says "I'm taking your mother out', even when she drives. It's like stating who is in charge.

CoffeeBucks · 16/02/2015 08:36

MIL is fond of this. Laments that
DP doesn't "take me out" enough. (we go out together quite a lot...)

I think she thinks that he earns more than me (he doesn't) and that he pays for everything (he doesn't). Product of her generation.

It winds me up a bit but it is just a turn of phrase.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 16/02/2015 08:43

Funny how many of the posters who object to the term have men who use it.

Just sayin'.

vdbfamily · 16/02/2015 08:52

I have friends who use this expression and it is usually used to express who paid as their finances are not joint. So one day it may be 'I took xxx out for dinner' and another time it may be ' xxxx took me out last night'. I personally find it very odd,but then I find it odd that couples do not pool finances. But that thread has been done a million times!!

HouseBaelish · 16/02/2015 09:26

Cripes does this sort of stuff actually bother people

I went over to the new bfs for the first time. It is an area I have never been. He took me out to some places he thought I'd enjoy. Pretty factual

When he stays here I will take him out so some places I think he will enjoy.

I don't think it is in anyway about being subservient

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 16/02/2015 09:30

House yes....because without questioning archaic phrases, we don't move forward.

OP posts:

notsogoldenoldie · 16/02/2015 09:38

I agree, Op, although I hadn't thought about it till now. Definitely something a bit passive and rather twee about "being taken out". I've never used it: we go together and if I'm paying I just say "let's go to so-and-so....it's on me, mind!".

Honeydragon · 16/02/2015 10:04

I've just asked my dog about this and she says that by saying I'm taking her out is degrading her role in the family, and the equality of our partnership when leaving the house.

I've said from now on we will go for a mutually arranged constitutional/defence from feline attack patrols.

SoupDragon · 16/02/2015 10:20

because without questioning archaic phrases, we don't move forward.

We don't move forward without questioning sexist phrases or practices.

IMO "Take out" is not sexist as it does not apply purely to one sex or the other. I took my XH to the theatre because I bought the tickets. I took him out for a meal on his birthday. I took my daughter out to celebrate her birthday. I took my sons out for X Y or Z reason. My parents take me out for a meal on my birthday. To my mind it has no deeper meaning.

SallySolomon · 16/02/2015 10:22

wow do people really get their arse in a knot about this stuff

This. Blimey, and I thought I was bad for overthinking things! This takes it to a whole new crackers level.

SallySolomon · 16/02/2015 10:24

House yes....because without questioning archaic phrases, we don't move forward.

It's used in a genderless way though. It's used for both men and women. Unless you're actively looking for sexism that just isn't there.

GingerLDN · 16/02/2015 10:58

I don't see why this particular phrase needs questioned. It's not sexist it's not offensive unless you wish it to be. In this house most of the money is pooled for bills household etc we also have some which is ours so if I've got some spare and fancy a meal I might say I'm going to take us out for dinner. Really thing you might be overthinking this. I'm all for moving forward but there's nothing to move on from here. What else should I say if this isn't appropriate?

WellTidy · 16/02/2015 11:04

I love that Micky Flanagan sketch, 70

aht, or aht aht

usualsuspect333 · 16/02/2015 14:56

It annoys me a bit, I haven't got my knickers in a knot over it , nor am I going to LTB over it. It's twee and old fashioned IMO.

Am I allowed to be annoyed?

GingerLDN · 16/02/2015 15:46

No.

Flip

1 2 3