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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to find Valentines Day very depressing?

38 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/02/2015 21:02

My DH bought me a pig clock and a pink air horn for my bike. Ahem? Why?

I got him flowers & chocolates cos I know it's the only way I'd get any.

I hate this day of the year. My closest friend was given a bouquet, and taken out for a meal & a walk by the canal. Another was taken out to the seaside for a romantic meal by her new man.

I've been waiting 20 years now for DH to do something romantic & I get a clock with googly eyes & a horn. Not holding out much hope for next 20 years.

I feel unloved & just want him to make a fuss of me sometimes, it's like he really doesn't see that I need some more obvious signs that he loves me?

OP posts:

Original poster

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/02/2015 21:06

Just found "No flowers today from DH of 14 years - Aibu to be upset?" thread so maybe I ABU??

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 15/02/2015 21:07

Have you told him that you like these types of things. How is he generally? Caring, thoughtful, kind?

VeryVeryDarkGrey · 15/02/2015 21:08

Have you told him you want more effort?

Topseyt · 15/02/2015 21:10

We just gave each other a card. Nothing else. It is yet another excuse for pubs and restaurants to treble their prices by just adding the word Valentine.

Sounds like for you though it is part of a wider picture than just February 14th.

yummumto3girls · 15/02/2015 21:11

I think he has shown some effort, bought you some presents, lots would moan that flowers and chocolates are unthoughtful so YABU!

Lilybensmum1 · 15/02/2015 21:11

I think it's ott, I was at work until 8pm, me and DH agreed not to get cards. We decided to get a tesco meal deal which, we were shoving down our throats while trying to get DC to bed.

Didn't even open the champagne! Went to bed left dH watching sport. It's only 1 day can you organise a date night?. I try no to worry about what others are doing.

However your googly eyed clock sounds interesting! What was he thinking?

Topseyt · 15/02/2015 21:13

By the way, I'd like a clock like that, but then I do like daft pressies anyway.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/02/2015 21:14

Valentine's day is a load of rubbish. Pancake day is much more important

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 15/02/2015 21:19

You been waiting 20years? Why didn't you tell him after the 1st one.

HootsMon · 15/02/2015 21:20

The only thing I find depressing about it is how many women seem to buy into the 'magical love day' bullshit.

If I was a man I'd hide in a cave until it was over.

Topseyt · 15/02/2015 21:23

Ooooh yes, and pancake day is this Tuesday.

Love it. Foodie paradise.

SEmyarse · 15/02/2015 21:27

I'd be pissed off if I were him and received chocs and flowers that you were only buying for yourself, whereas he has attempted to buy cute individual presents.

Even if his judgment is off he's tried much harder than you.

realgonekid84 · 15/02/2015 21:39

well last year (d)h got me nothing. He forgot. I got him a card which he couldn't even be bothered to open. This year I got a chinese takeaway. He also told me to buy myself some chocs as he would get wrong ones. We have been together 17 years and I hate nuts so he got me toberone from his last work jolly. (his favourite not mine) The card from last year is still on the coffee table unopened. Think he was lazing around upstairs both this morning and yesterday morning hoping I would slip away upstairs for sex
Why he can't see I would be more in the mood if I got a lie in for once at the weekend.

I had planned to share my chocs but not now

catnipkitty · 15/02/2015 21:42

We do nothing on Valentine Day, it's just commercial crap.

StripeyCustard · 15/02/2015 21:43

We went out last night for Valentine's Day and the only people out were 20 year olds. Maybe he feels his love is shown in other ways? You must be upset though [chocs][nice clock no googly eyes]

holeinmyheart · 15/02/2015 21:54

I did quite well this Valentines Day, but I hate the whole thing really. Because I think it is an artificially hyped up occasion. It gets competitive and ridiculous.
I have a basically unromantic DH. However he is a wonderful caring and thoughtful person. I feel his pain every year. I can feel him thinking and panicking about what he can do to please me. He knows the children will ask him. I think they do it to wind him up.
For instance one of them text me before hand and asked me if their Father was going to take me to McDonalds etc.
I hate it, and I hate Mother's Day as well.

Purplepoodle · 15/02/2015 21:54

Refused to do Valentine's Day as its a pile of crap IMO. Much rather turn up the pressure for wedding anniversary ??

soontobemumofthree · 15/02/2015 21:59

I got DH toblerone, because I love toblerone. And a card. I received chocolates and roses. I would have liked a horn but not sure what I'd do with the pig clock.
Valentines day is all a bit forced for me, I was thinking of making a pact just to do cards next year. If he'd suggested going out I'd have said yes but another weekend. 'Valentines menu' makes me feel like cringing.

I have put more thought into pancake Tuesday but I love dh more than pancakes.

hiddenhome · 15/02/2015 22:02

Valentine's day is cringeworthy.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 15/02/2015 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WotchOotErAPolis · 15/02/2015 23:48

Yes it's bigger issue than just one day & yes I've told him numerous times over the years but I dont tell him any more.

I suppose he is trying in his own way & prob finds the whole thing a bit silly/commercial. Trouble came when a friend of ours teased us that DH was going to take me to the kebab van, whereas they were going out together for a romantic evening. I'd love that but I get a silly clock, which yes is funny & original, but honestly?!

As for the flowers, I admit it was a last-minute thing as up until then I wasn't going to bother as we're going through a bad patch & I honestly can't say I really love him, but we're working on it.

OP posts:

MrsTedCrilly · 16/02/2015 00:45

I find these threads so sad.. I don't mean you are sad, just that if you were happy and fulfilled day to day then you wouldn't give a toss. Most men who buy stuff for V day are only doing it so they won't get an earful for forgetting, it means nothing! If he made you happy every day then you wouldn't be posting.. Your emotional fulfilment wouldn't be wrapped up in flowers and chocolate. I hope your bad patch comes to a head soon, but here are some in the meantime.

Pandora37 · 16/02/2015 01:02

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. I hate Valentine's Day, it's a complete farce. My BIL is emotionally abusive to my sister yet buys her 20 roses every year. I think he does it all for show, to prove what a "good" husband he is. I've also seen a girl post photos on Facebook of her lovely Valentine's Day surprise flowers when I know that her boyfriend is about to go to court for a serious sexual offence that she knows nothing about .

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2015 01:50

I didn't get anything either...after 25yrs together (21 married) I know that my dh loves me & neither of us need a hallmark holiday & overpriced flowers/chocolates to spur us into declarations of love.

We agreed that it was a total waste of time/money a few years ago now.

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2015 01:57

The things is with V day & seeing your friends get things & doing romantic things...their partners are doing that because the "hallmark holiday" is telling/forcing them to! My fb page was awash with (friend's) bouquets, meals, engagements, declarations of love etc and I can state with some certainty that these things would not have happened if it had been a normal Saturday!

The time I most respect & love my dh is when he does something random, off his own back...not because he is forced into it by a consumer society, but because he wanted to. Like the flowers he came home with last week, or the little message on my fb page that he knew I would wake up to, little texts asking me how I was while he was away.

Don't judge men (and women) on what they do on one day when the expected thing to do is to shower your loved one with love/gifts etc, judge them on how they treat you the other 364 days of the year, when no one is telling them that they have to be romantic!!

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