...to find Valentines Day very depressing?

[WotchOotErAPolis]

My DH bought me a pig clock and a pink air horn for my bike. Ahem? Why?

I got him flowers & chocolates cos I know it's the only way I'd get any.

I hate this day of the year. My closest friend was given a bouquet, and taken out for a meal & a walk by the canal. Another was taken out to the seaside for a romantic meal by her new man.

I've been waiting 20 years now for DH to do something romantic & I get a clock with googly eyes & a horn. Not holding out much hope for next 20 years.

I feel unloved & just want him to make a fuss of me sometimes, it's like he really doesn't see that I need some more obvious signs that he loves me?

I find it vey depressing that people set so much store by Valentine's Day, and the competitive "look what I got/what we are doing" doesn't scream love and devotion to me, quite the contrary in fact.

I don't think flowers and chocolates on a hyped up day are really the answer to your relationship problems, OP, it sounds like it would only be papering over some deep rooted cracks.

Reading all your posts - of course IABVU! He did try - I collect pigs & in a house full of men (I have 3 DSs & even the dog is male) I like pink girly gadgets.

There is a whole thread on the general state of my marriage - not good right now but we are both trying. I am not a strong person & find it hard to commit to the "Valentines day is shit" mentality when we are both struggling to love each other as it is.

It does hurt when we get teased about how DH "will probably treat you to a kebab" whereas "my new BF is wining & dining me"; "my husband of 18 years is buying me flowers & cooking for me"; "what's yours doing?". I'm sure those friends are just teasing as they don't realise how we're struggling to keep it together.

I need to learn to rise above it - not everyone ends up with their soulmate (even that is romantic tosh) so I have to accept he isn't mine, but learn to love him again.

I ignore it. I ignore Mother's day too. And Father's day. And the hyping of Easter.
Why dance to someone else's tune? If you want a date night do it on your own terms at your own time and keep it to yourselves rather than compete with other women over whose DH/DP loves her most.

Sorry OP - I just read your last post and in the light of that my post comes across as horrible.

I didn't mean to make that sort of comment - I was making the general point in reaction to all this stuff about who got what, who did what, who was disappointed and who was "romantic"

Good luck. I have had some bad struggles in relationship too..(being a bit vague here).. and know how hard it can be.

I got fuck all.

I would love a pig clock and pink horn. Sounds very imaginative.

But to be honest, valentines day is a crock of shit hyped up pile of steaming commercialism.

In my day, you sent a card to someone you secretly fancied.

partners have plenty opportunity to make you feel special all year long. But flowers for mothers day, birthdays etc....

I buy my own (no DP)

Some of the happiest couples I know either ignore, or just pay a bare lip service to Valentine's day. I would certainly never use it as a guage to how much a couple love each other. It's really teenagers and twenty somethings that take it seriously. Most other people realise that one day of enforced romanticism is actually that... well, romantic really.

sorry, is not actually that....

Dh and I have been together 22 years. We haven't bothered with Valentines day for years. We cook a nice meal and share a bottle of wine, same as most other Saturday nights. We'd rather save the money for something nice.

Engeika: none taken!

Housewherenobodylives: spot on! I'm feeling insecure as it is so need some strength to build up some confidence

I agree with House: people who engage in ostentatious romantic gestures they need to trumpet to other people may not be as happy as they'd have you believe.

In 53 years my parents only really exchanged cards, although these were never signed and were sneaked quietly into a place where the other one would find them. They kept up the joke of pretending it was a mystery who had given them a Valentine's card all their married life.

Last year was my first valentine day with my BF and beforehand we'd had a good chat about how we thought it was a load of commercial crap designed to part people from their cash. That there was too much pressure to do the cards/chocs/flowers nonsense on one particular day when it's far better to show that you love your partner generally throughout the year. We didn't celebrate it and it was a relief.

This year I thought it would be the same, but I received a card in the post on Saturday and he turned up last night with a bottle of bubbly, a box of chocs and a single red rose. I was grateful, and it was sweet of him to have done that when it's not really his style, but I can't help feeling a bit disappointed that he'd been sucked into this shite and perhaps felt he had to. I was at the shops on Friday cringing at the men buying cards and flowers, and thinking how glad me and my man aren't part of it. And now I feel guilty for sounding so ungrateful when we're conditioned to want this stuff. I'd love these romantic gestures any day of the year apart from valentines day (and Christmas and birthday)! Gah!

MrsTedCrilly: I forgot to say thank you for the flowers! Thank you! Much appreciated!