Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Need a reality check before I lose the plot!

31 replies

Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:44

Brief history - 8yo son with ASD - has absolutley no sense of danger.. Prone to silly behaviours etc.

Divorced from EH - fairly good communication although we disagree occasionally..

Just picked DC up and found out that XH had taken the kids swimming this weekend - lovely.. No issue there at all (obviously)

Then find out that because EH step son and my other DC (both whom are 11 and very competent swimmers.. Swim for county) wasn't ready to leave the pool but DS was.. He let DS walk home with his other step brother (whose 10) DS has just told me about a busy road where they had to 'stop in the middle' before they could get home.. I've googled the map relating to the journey and its a good 10 minute walk...

EH stayed in the pool with the older children - His wife was at home.

I'm absolutley livid and waiting for him to ring me.. DS is on high rate DLA and has full 1:1 support at school (just to demonstrate the level of need) and he's 8 years old!!!

So... AIBU to massively object to this and basically tear him a new one have a very frank discussion when he fucking bothersto ring...??!!

I cannot understand what the fuck would possess him to let this happen.... This isn't a mum doing the 'oh god he could have been abducted' this is a mum saying 'are you fucking off your rocker - he has the danger awareness of a puppy and is impulsive as fuck.. (The 10 year old is also not known for his maturity).

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 15/02/2015 19:46

Yanbu. At all.

MelonBallersAreStrange · 15/02/2015 19:47

Why did XH think it was a good idea?

Can DS's story be 100% relied upon?

JsOtherHalf · 15/02/2015 19:47

Given your child has 1:1 at all times in school, I think you are completely justified in your anger.

And if something bad had happened, how would the 10 year old have coped?

Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:48

Oh and to make matters worse - DS is on a medication to help him with his impulsivity.. DH didn't give it to him yesterday Angry so he left our unmedicated, autistic 8 year old child to walk 10 minutes after swimming (which is a sensory trigger) with a fucking 10 year old for supervision??! Hmm

I'm actually twitching I'm that angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:49

I've checked DS's story with other DC who confirmed it but (notorious daddy's girl) stated that 'daddy explained really carefully what to do' Hmm

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 15/02/2015 19:51

i think instead of flying off the handle a better way to deal with this would be to ring him to clarify. say look ds told me this but it sounds so irresponsible i wanted to check with you what actually happened. if he says yes it happened like that then go from there.

ahbollocks · 15/02/2015 19:51

Yanbu yanbu yanbu. Fucks sake

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/02/2015 19:51

Calm down.

Yes you are entirely reasonable to tear your ex a new arsehole.

Why would he let this happen, is he really thick?

Are there issues with his other family which have clouded his judgment?

JsOtherHalf · 15/02/2015 19:53

Do you have a Social Worker? Would it be worthwhile contacting them tomorrow and asking their advice?

Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:55

He's not thick but he's ridiculously daft about DS's needs.. He tends to brush anything he doesn't understand under the carpet and let's his wife dictate the pace.. He wouldn't have done it not caring if that makes sense but he's a serial 'keep the peacer' and I'm guessing he didn't want to risk the older kids kicking off by leaving the pool 'early'.

Fucking twat.

OP posts:
CalicoBlue · 15/02/2015 19:55

You are not being unreasonable. He could have got out too, left the competent swimmers in the pool. Walked him home and then come back for the others.

Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:56

No social worker..

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 19:56

Oh they obviously discussed the option of him leaving with the younger kids because it was decided that he wouldn't be let back into the pool Hmm SO WATCH FROM THE WINDOW!!!

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/02/2015 19:58

People often ask me what single event led to me obtaining some seriously restrictive court orders against my ex with regard to our autistic child (whose now 16 still requiring 1:1)

It was stuff just like this and no comprehension as to how it was seriously bad neglectful behaviour.

Yanbu. I would be doing everything I could to make sure it never happened again

JsOtherHalf · 15/02/2015 20:01

Could you ask to speak to the school safeguarding person tomorrow?

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 15/02/2015 20:02

YANBU I would be furious.

zzzzz · 15/02/2015 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILovePud · 15/02/2015 20:14

YANBU what was he thinking? It must have completely undermined your trust in his abilities to care for your DS appropriately, you are completely justified in being very concerned and angry.

Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 20:48

Holy shit - my XH is a moron. We just had a very heated debate on the phone - I'm over reacting, DS would have been fine, the step brother had a phone with him.. (Which is fucking useful when he was in a pool), he felt more comfortable leaving an 8yo to walk home than leaving a very competent 11 year old in a pool for 20 minutes... He knew that DS wouldn't lay in the road like he does when he's with an adult because (and this is almost fucking funny) he wouldn't have someone to stop him being run over.

Apparently as I'm not happy with it (no shit Sherlock) he won't do it again Hmm

DS was however medicated so in XH's defence he would have been much more capable of making the right choices (still a stupid fucking unacceptable risk)

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 20:49

Oh and his wife had a tummy ache which is why she didn't come and pick him up..

Love how his wife's stomach pain takes priority over my son being hit by a fucking car.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 15/02/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeysucklejasmine · 15/02/2015 21:03

Shock YANBU! Did he at least apologise, or was it a 'sorry if you're upset' apology?

Manic3mum · 15/02/2015 21:03

Totally with you on this. My eldest DD (6) has ADHD and is ridiculously impulsive, silly, no sense of danger, runs away etc etc - I can't envisage a time when I will EVER be able to allow her to go anywhere unsupervised like this, theres just too much that could cross her crazy mind in a 10 minute window (when I say crazy, I mean the most ridiculous behaviour - I am nowhere near being able to predict what she might do next, its bonkers) so I fully understand your anger and fear about that situation. Why on earth can XH not see this danger also?? Argh!

Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 21:05

It was a 'I'm sorry you feel this way but I made a judgement call' type of apology.

If he says he won't do it again he wont.. He's a twat but he doesn't ever lie.. It does bring into question his actual ability to be a grown up however!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bananaapplegrape · 15/02/2015 21:08

Oh and obviously I'm at least somewhat wrong because DS did get home safely and therefore it shouldn't be a problem Hmm

When I pointed out he could have been taking to me after our son has been hit by a car or ran off to God knows where he just said 'that wouldn't happen - DS promised me he would be sensible'

FFS he promised me a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't leave school and then tried to dig his way out at breaktime with a spoon!!!!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread