Aibu? Need a reality check before I lose the plot!

[Bananaapplegrape]

Brief history - 8yo son with ASD - has absolutley no sense of danger.. Prone to silly behaviours etc.

Divorced from EH - fairly good communication although we disagree occasionally..

Just picked DC up and found out that XH had taken the kids swimming this weekend - lovely.. No issue there at all (obviously)

Then find out that because EH step son and my other DC (both whom are 11 and very competent swimmers.. Swim for county) wasn't ready to leave the pool but DS was.. He let DS walk home with his other step brother (whose 10) DS has just told me about a busy road where they had to 'stop in the middle' before they could get home.. I've googled the map relating to the journey and its a good 10 minute walk...

EH stayed in the pool with the older children - His wife was at home.

I'm absolutley livid and waiting for him to ring me.. DS is on high rate DLA and has full 1:1 support at school (just to demonstrate the level of need) and he's 8 years old!!!

So... AIBU to massively object to this and basically tear him a new one have a very frank discussion when he fucking bothersto ring...??!!

I cannot understand what the fuck would possess him to let this happen.... This isn't a mum doing the 'oh god he could have been abducted' this is a mum saying 'are you fucking off your rocker - he has the danger awareness of a puppy and is impulsive as fuck.. (The 10 year old is also not known for his maturity).

I suspect this boils down to the fact that XH feels I baby our son.. Which honestly? I probably do.. But I would rather that, than the kther

Actually, Banana you probably don't baby him, you just have a full comprehension of what his differences and difficulties are, unlike his father. I too would be ripping him a new one.
On the positive side, my ds was like this. At 20 he still can't cross a road safely and has to have supervision going to and from uni, but he's at uni, he's house sharing and getting steady firsts.

YANBU I would be livid. My DD has autism and has the same level of care that you describe. She has no awareness of her own safety at all. Zero. The thought of her making a journey like that accompanied by anyone other than a responsible adult makes my blood run cold.

My DD would promise to be sensible. And she would mean it. Until something distracted her and she wandered off to god knows where. I would be telling ex husband to wind his neck in and get some fucking common sense

I don't think it sounds like you're 'babying' your son, he's 8 and his ASD leads him to behave impulsively and to him having little appreciation of danger, it's stupid to let him walk home with only a ten year old as supervision. Does your ex have difficulty accepting your DS' diagnosis or could it be denial leading to him being dismissive of the risks and turning this round so that you are overacting in his mind?

I'm sorry OP, I'm with you on this I really am but the idea of him trying to dig his way Out of school with a soon made me titter. Of course he shouldn't have walked home on his own. YANBU even one little bit.

Babying? Yes probably - because actually my 3 year old is more sensible than my 6 year old with ADHD. So you do have to treat them accordingly - my eldest DD needs help/supervision dressing, washing, hair brushing etc, my 3yo can do it all independently. So you are completely justified - you have to think for your son, his ASD prevents him making sensible rational choices in certain areas.