If you can't contribute to your childs upbringing...

[Meeeep]

Your girlfriend shouldn't be posting expensive gifts from you on FB.

First off I wasn't snooping, a mutual friend liked the public post so it appeared on my newsfeed.

Ex has never contributed a penny to DDs upbring, has given CMS the run around for over a year and on Friday I got a phonecall saying he is now on benefits so might receive the minimum payment for DD at some point. So if someone can't afford to contribute to their only child I can't help but wonder how much the dozen red roses, necklace and tickets to an expensive concert cost and how he can afford that.

It makes me sad that this is more important than actually helping to raise his daughter. He has proved time and time again that he has no interest in any way shape of form in DD and doesn't see her but it still stings abit when his priorities are there in black and white.

Although it has been 3.5 years and I am very happy with our life and we manage just fine by ourselves this still pisses me off little bit.

There is nothing I can or care to do about it I'm just posting for a little rant really.

Wow. So you are comparing my having to claim benefits for 2 months before I found a job after my ex had an affair and walked out on me and our children to him now refusing to find a job and contribute to his children because he's living off his new GF.

SnowWhite - two words for you..

1. carers

2. goadyfucker

my ex H paid a pittance when we spilt (he is a high ranking NHS manager) he was paying half the mortgage too - so i was ok with that, Then he stopped paying half the mortgage and when i asked him why he said "because my 'brief' (where the fuck did he he get that term from?) says i should give you £50 a month and that is being charitable" we had two DDS - eldest is adopted.

i went to the CSA and they slapped him with a bill for five times the amount!

he did pay up begrudgingly and would say things like "i am paying only for the kids and not you, and i dont want you going out as i am paying you to look after my kids so dont leave them with anyone else - i will take that amount of money off you" he also when we were both paying the mortgage "if anyone stays over they must pay me a fee"....

he was an is a prat.

that was 15 years ago.....kids havent seen him for 10 years and are now adults - they know he is a prick.

the worse thing he said was to DD1 (adopted) - she was a 13 yr old and feeling very vulnerable. i had changed my name back to my maiden name and she was wanting to change her name to mine. she was very grown up and spoke to him - he threatened her with "unadoption" (WTAF??) and she would be expelled from his life and family.

she came home and said - i never want to see that man again

she hasnt.

she is fabulous and loved by me and her step dad.

Honey I couldn't agree more.

There is always one... Snow you are ignorant beyond belief. That is all.

Snow is a goady type who seems to target threads where she can have a pop at single parents on benefits. Been doing it for a few years under different names. Best to ignore. Im actually going to email HQ about her because its a persistent theme and only serves to offend.

ihavebrillohair yes! He's a disasteroid from a seriously posh public school - I think he thinks it's making him look like he just flew back into the country or something .

Some awful stories here!

Oooooh littlejessie what in the world attracted you to him in the first place?

My ex is allowed 6 mailings to the kids per year to cover birthdays, xmas, and just keeping in touch. Either he sends an insane message scrawled on the back of a postcard from the C of E church in Holborn, where he did his Alpha course - or very rarely, a card. But all have been undeliverable to the kids, as they have abuse about me scrawled all over them, and the original court ruling said I don't have to show them to the kids if they are 'inappropriate'. I found the Jesus stuff and the offensive remarks about me to be inappropriate. My kids are atheists - always have been. It was creepy not just because of the biblical blood n thunder quotes, but also the abuse about me. I kept some over the years as evidence and sure enough, when he was taken to court for harassing me, years later, I had the weird Jesus threats in evidence although I had burnt maybe half of them as they were so scary I didn't want the kids to stumble on them.

Some years, he sent them nothing. He has never sent them a birthday or xmas present - they are now 12 and 14. One year he emailed me saying he would buy one of them a bike and to ask which one they'd like. I had the sense not to mention it to son, fortunately. I picked a random bike to see what he'd do. Then an email saying the bike was at his flat - if kid wanted it I'd have to let him talk to him and let him pick it up. Yes, like that's happening. There was a court order in place to say he could not have any direct contact whatsoever with the boys. As he well knew. I doubt the bike ever existed. I told my son about the whole thing, later because frankly if someone is such a twat, I think their child should have the truth. Son was cool with it anyway by then as we'd had an unexpected PPI cheque right before xmas and I bought him a really cool bike.

One year he sent an email telling me I better tell the boys his new girlfriend imaginary, I guessed) had just had a baby and a few months later, that she was pregnant again. I knew it was a lie so never told the boys anything. He later admitted he made it up. But what sort of man would tell you to tell his kids they had a half sibling, that didn't exist? That was whilst he was doing the Alpha course, so it's not like he found god and became a human being. The road to Damascus made him worse, if anything.

Keep taking screen shots of these. If he does it often enough you can send it off as evidence of 'income from other means'

Or just post it to facebook and publicly ask when he plans to support his child, oh and maybe emailed to everyone he knows.

Me? I'm a bitch

Take a screen shot of what he's said he's paid for and send it to the agency that's supposed to be collecting money from him for your DD.

A friend of mine had the same problem.Her ex husband wasn't paying anything towards they're child.The csa told her that he was only claiming benefits so she'd only be entitled to £5 a week.She was sure he was working,she told a few of her friends.Another friend of hers spotted him working,work uniform on so rang her and told her.

She drove there saw him and took a picture of him.She sent it to the csa,and told them where he was working and who for.They chased him up and he was made to pay her every month and they made him pay back payments as well.

He was working for the local council as well.The mind boggles how some of these guys get away with the bullshit they peddle out to save a few pounds on maintenance

On the plus side, if you won't contribute to your daughter's upbringing, you can't take the credit for the wonderful woman she will become and you won't walk her down the aisle. And, if you can't be a father to her there's no way you'll ever be fit to be a grandfather to her child.

Karma's a bitch!

Snowwhite, if you had anything worthwhile or intelligent to say I'd address it. You don't.

Meeeep I have asked myself this so many times I've lost count . He's like some kind of frighteningly plausible Walter Mitty type.

He's another one who rarely does birthday or Christmas presents for DD ...depends on whether or not he's got another well meaning girlfriend doing it for him encouraging him to get her something. He also has another, older daughter he's never even seen.

at your X joffrey, sounds even more deluded than mine (just)!

My ex can't afford to support his children but can afford to pay a solicitor to persistently write me letters berating for:

Asking ex to make sure ds gets his inhalers at his house (this is, apparently, an unnecessary criticism of his parenting)
Saying dd could go on a school trip without consulting him (I am paying for it!)
Not interpreting the court order in the way he wants me to.
Causing arguments by not agreeing to holiday dates early enough (which obviously have nothing to do with him not answering my texts)

Makes me sick that he prioritises being petty above providing for his kids. I envy those whose exes have disappeared.

Ms, I had to use two different courts to get mine to vanish. A prohibited steps order via the Family Courts stopped him coming to our house or kids' school, then last year a Magistrates' Court found him Guilty of harassing me (Hundreds of emails in one year long after I'd told him to stop), and they were finally able to draw up a proper court order preventing him from ever seeing, speaking to or emailing me again. If I got so much as a spam email from his account I could get him straight in jail.

I think CSA will get back to me with some crap or other excusing him so I will have to screenshot his FB holiday snaps. I don't get how being someone who can afford several looooong foreign holidays per year means he is poverty stricken. Never crossed his mind his kids get two days in a wet tent. And pathetically grateful they are for it, too. 12 year old is begging to go to the seaside for a day and we can't even afford that as I have no spare income for petrol and the little I do have this month has to go towards something I committed to ages ago, and am doing as a favour for friends.

Meep is it possible to print this FB post you talk about? Its concrete evidence that your EX can in fact, afford the support you're not getting. I would get it printed asap and talk to a solicitor / citizens advice about what you can do about it in a tangible way.

Yanbu. Dsd mother (women do this too) pays about ten p a day and not always at all but was able to elope abroad and pay for plastic surgery. She also thinks any prolonged contact means she doesn't have to pay anything at all.
How adults just renege responsibility for their dc is beyond me.

Exh threatened to drop my maintenance substantially. I sent him a breakdown of all my income and outgoings. His response was 'I think you need to cancel x activity' to which I replied 'that will save me 7.50 a week and you want to shaft me out of 400 quid.' He didn't in the end but I'm sure he thought that he was entitled and that it wouldn't affect the dc in any way even though I told him I would have to radically downsize and consider changing the dc school